1.
Your neck still hurts from straining to see over the church hats on the old ladies in the front row.
2.
The only reason you went to church was for the big meal at your grandma's house afterward.
3.
Waking up for sunrise service was the absolute worst.
4.
But you'd get over it pretty quickly because your mom made fish and grits.
5.
You still have nightmares about baptisms.
6.
You had Sunday school before or after service.
7.
No secret was ever safe because your mom and grandma would tell the whole congregation your business.
8.
Your mom only gave you allowance so you'd have something to offer at church.
9.
The sermon always confused you.
10.
Your mom gave you side-eye when the pastor mentioned sin.
11.
God seemed like he had a really bad temper.
12.
He also had a lot of rules.
13.
There was always a church outcast nobody thought would show up but did.
14.
Sermons included a lot of stuff about women taking care of men and the home.
15.
Church lasted more than an hour because the choir had to perform at least three times.
16.
And because the preacher was supposed to wrap up 30 minutes ago.
17.
Or because he'd suddenly break out his club moves.
18.
And everyone else would get the spirit too.
19.
And after church your aunts would spend an hour talking to the pastor.
20.
Then your granny always had to catch up with her girls.
21.
But after all that you'd finally make it home to take a nap.
