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Which Ultimate Laser Dream Team Member Are You?

Are you a safety hazard like Joe? Is your grip on your sanity as weak as Claire's? Did you make out with a girl once like Dylan? Found out your Floor 9 identity now!

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  1. What is your major?

    Natural Sciences
    Social Sciences
    Computer Science
    Doesn't matter as long as it's Pre-med
    I have no idea what I'm doing, ever.
  2. It's Saturday night. You're...

    In bed by 11
    Getting sloshed
    Crying in your closet
    Having mono
    Watching your friends, slightly concerned
    Playing soccer
  3. What is your favorite thing to drink?

    "Hot Chocolate"
    Arnold Palmer
    Sour Apple Vodka
    Chocolate Milk
    Lobster Bisque
    Seltzer Water
  4. "Ultra Light Beam" is on karaoke. What's your part?

    "We on that ultra light beam"
    "I'm tryina keep my faith"
    "I'm just havin fun with it"
    "We don't want no devils in the house"
  5. What's your slogan?

    "Lol you thought."
    "Eat em' out, man!"
    "Hi I like lobsters"
    "Maybe next year."
    "Have you guys seen THE MOON!?"
  6. What's your signature look?

    Soccer pants
    Rain jacket and adidas pants
    Adidas pants and a sweater vest
    Training pants
    Sweater with soccer pants
    Soccer soccer soccer pants
  7. What's your favorite hangout spot on campus?

    Schenley Park, I go for the view
    The Pete, go team
    Floor 3, for great decisions
    Top of Cathy, best place for bangin chicks
    Anywhere I can take a nap
    In the middle of the road
  8. Choose your anthem.

    "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's
    "Shoop" by Salt N Pepa
    "Rich Girl" by Daryl Hall and John Oates
    "Take on Me" by A-Ha
    Some Weird Icelandic Song
    "O Holy Night" by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
  9. What is your spirit animal?

    A dragon, because I flame everyone constantly
    A golden retriever, because I'm flawless and loyal
    A rabbit, because I love mating
    A lobster.
    A raccoon, because I like to fuck with everything and dig through trash
    A bear, because I could beat anyone up, any time, any place
  10. When you're not in class, you're probably...

    Watching sports
    Being short
    Indoctrinating preschoolers with socialist ideals
    Trying to get people to go to dinner with you
    Bench pressing an entire freight train
    Building a fckin robot idgaf
  11. Your best pickup line is...

    "Are you from Tennessee? Cause you look like you're from Tennessee?"
    "Wake up I'm bored"
    "Can I interest you fellas in some Texas toast?"
    "My ass is dented. Wanna see?"
    "You had me at Shalom"
  12. What's your go-to midnight snack?

    Crackers dipped in butter
    Chocolate milk and milk duds
    Indian food
    All of Dylan's chips
    Fruits or nuts
  13. Pick a deadly sin

  14. Pick an elephant

Which Ultimate Laser Dream Team Member Are You?

You got: Jordan "Greg" Iserson

What do you know! You're Jordan! You're as Jewish as a box of matzo bread, and you probably just woke up from a nap. You have to schedule an hour out of your day just to walk down one block to account for saying hi to all the people you know, and another two hours for laughing at a box of pizza. You're always confident in your theories and opinions, even when you're arguing about a movie you've never seen. You're a huge fan of HGTV, the devil's lettuce, classy man-tapestries, and breakfast-related rap songs. Your perseverance enables you to endure even the most challenging tests of character, like waiting in line at Popeye's. You're down for anything as long as it's over before seven because you've got a call later. All in all, you are one nifty dude!

Jordan "Greg" Iserson
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You got: Juhi Mehta

You got Juhi! You're a fiery Jersey native with a knack for health science, yelling at Ethan, and pounding 'em back any night of the week. You would suck a dick for research, and your favorite holiday is the Winter Solstice. You refuse to be in the same room as anyone who isn't single, or drink any liquid that isn't hard alcohol, because chasers are for pussies. You are probably terribly dehydrated.

Juhi Mehta
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You got: Prathyusha Pandu

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GOT PRAT! You are basically the best, and were probably sent directly from heaven to bless us with your smile. You are the human equivalent of a box full of kittens. You are delightfully gullible, and delightful delightful. Everyone is in love with you and you've never done anything wrong, ever, in your life.

Prathyusha Pandu
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You got: Julia Snyder

You got Julia! You are the resident tiny white girl of floor 9, but still vicious when it comes to engineering studies or high school friend drama. You might have mono, and you definitely don't know where it came from, but that doesn't stop you from making the floor a better place with your bubbly personality, generosity, curly hair, and your willingness to be the punchline of all our award-winning short jokes. Gotta Jet!

Julia Snyder
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You got: Scott Branagan

Ah, shit. You're Scott. Whether you're complaining about chemistry or bragging about teaching children how to read, you're probably lookin cute in your Pittsburgh Penguins hat. You're a real lady killer, dented ass and all. Your resting bitch face has never stopped you from charming Norwegians and a few men. With Charlotte the Bowl and your trusty disc by your side, there's nothing you can't do!

Scott Branagan
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You got: Claire Stacey

Hell Yeah! You got Claire! Fresh out of hippie school, you're here to get shwasty, laugh manically, and yell at Dylan. Even when you're "tied up" in studies, you're "knot" afraid to "rope" people into taking a BDSM test. No matter what you're always there for your friends, fellow comrades, and Indian boys. Whether you're making Texas Toast, picking the seeds off of strawberries, or drooling meditatively onto the floor, your quirks never fail to put a twinkle in our eyes, even when a rude New Yorker is putting something else in yours.

Claire Stacey
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You got: Noah Nicolia

You got Noah! You're a major flamer when you wanna be, and you kick butt both in cross country and sick burns. An endless appetite has never kept you from maintaining that sleek running figure. You're patiently waiting for the day that you inevitably save all of our dumb drunk asses. You haven't stopped smiling for the last 8 years, don't stop now!

Noah Nicolia
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You got: Ethan Van Der Woode

You got Ethan! You're a not just a heartbreaker, you literally crack people open like lobsters. You make BANK at a country club, and you're at the gym 26 hours a day. There's no problem you can't solve with your toolbox and that brilliant, blindingly red head. Recent U.S. Intelligence reports have revealed that though you masquerade as a fatherly New Englander, you were really just an underwater crustacean the whole time.

Ethan Van Der Woode
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You got: Nityam Rathi

You got Nityam! As the group's only Indian Mormon, you truly embody Pitt's Year of Diversity. You've got more curves than Pitt script and more sweater vests than Andy Bernard. You've always got a positive attitude and are amazingly tolerant of all the stupid shit your friends pull. Worst case scenario, we know we'll have you to take care of us when we all develop liver failure. Here's to you.

Nityam Rathi
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You got: Joe Helgerman

You got Joe! Between your voluminous Jew-fro and your Daffy Duck sweatshirt, it's safe to say you are reliable wITH THE LADIES. Once you escaped from the Super Mario universe, you made it your mission to bring laughter, joy, and water gun blasts to Floor 9. You've always got dank weed and even danker coding skills. During years on the frisbee team you've built up a lot of STRENGTH. Big ol word to you, sister.

Joe Helgerman
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You got: Anna Tomiczek

Holy heck, you're Anna! Please delete every boy from your phone's contact list whose name is not Nate or Joe. You're as nice as the puppies you cry over, incredibly smart, and aggressively passionate about women's rights. When you're not freeing the planet, you can probably be found getting schlumped at the park, chugging moonshine, playing with sock puppets, or on Floor 3. Lastly, don't worry about the "freshman fifteen," because its probably going to your butt anyways. You're gonna set the world (Tennessee) on fire.

Anna Tomiczek
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You got: Dylan Falk

Congratulations! You're a lightwei- uh, Dylan! On the bright side, you're pretty good at frisbee and you made out with a girl once. On the not-so-bright side, you have way too many siblings. You can always be found by following the trail of empty chocolate milk jugs and and listening for the music of [insert obscure indie band] in the distance. You would do anything for Szechuan, except touch any of your roommate's stuff. You're always upbeat, casually genius, and ready to buy expensive hats. I mean, you're not wrong. Eat 'em out, brother.

Dylan Falk
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You got: Steph Paras

You're Steph! You're a sporty, denim-clad warrior and the sweetheart of Oakland Zoo. You probably scared all your friends when you first met them, but they all quickly realized that you're really an adorable Italian (speaking) Stallion. Between that backwards hat and those adidas soccer pants is a heart of gold!

Steph Paras
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You got: Maddie Hobbs

You got Maddie! Right now you're probably off playing soccer in some foreign land, like Narnia or North Carolina. You may have the smile of an angel, but you're a convicted smuggler of hot chocolate and you could beat any of us up in five seconds flat. Thanks for sparing us.

Maddie Hobbs
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