1. Perd Hapley
Host of popular shows as “Ya Herd? With Perd”, “The Final Word with Perd”, “Lights, Camera, Perd”, and his newest hit: “Are You There Perd-verts? It’s Me Perd, Hosting a New Segment”.
Quote: “And 100 percent of Pawnee-ans are Perd-verts. That’s the name I call fans of this show, based on the fact that my name is Perd.”
2. Jean-Ralphio Saperstein
Jean-Ralphio represents everything good about Parks and Recreation.
Quote: “One time I waited outside a woman’s house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants.”
6. Joan Callamezzo
The celebrated host of “Pawnee Today”, Joan isn’t afraid to powder every part of her body to get the man she wants.
Quote: “I’m a woman with a strong sexual appetite. I’m like a caged peacock, yearning for the wind on my haunches.”
8. Councilman Dexhart
Who knew John Edwards had a doppelgänger in Pawnee?
Quote: “And to my wife: I apologize. All I can say is, I wasn’t just having sex. I was making love to a beautiful woman. And her boyfriend. And a third person whose name I never learned.”
13. Marlene Griggs-Knope
She replaced Joseph Stalin. Not in terms of genocide, just in terms of being on Earth.
Quote: “Oh, like any married couple, honey, your father and I fought occasionally. Sometimes he won the argument, sometimes I won, but usually we forgot what we were arguing about and just had sex. Anyway, the important thing is that we always ended up on the same team. And in the same bed.”
14. Marcia and Marshall Langman
The happily married couple who in no way draw comparisons to Michele and Marcus Bachmann.
Quote: “We all have some crazy urges from time to time, but you can’t act on them. You have to bury them way down deep inside. You have to say, ‘Get out of here you crazy urges! You are not welcome in this brain of mine!’”
15. The Douche
Leslie and the Douche are dating in real life! TELEVISION IS REAL.
Quote: “I’m gonna scan a quick pic of them boobies for a little deposit in ‘El banco de spanko.’ That was the douche talking. Douche Nation! You guys know where the library is?”
19. Jennifer Barkley
She hated Pawnee almost as much as she liked Chris Traegar’s body.
Quote:“Don’t be the kid that graduates high school, hangs out in the school parking lot. Be the woman, who moves away, climbs the ladder, and then confidently comes back and has sex with her hot, old English teacher just for kicks.”
24. Dave Sanderson
Louis CK is the best, but Ben + Leslie forever.
Quote: “I like Ms. Knope. I liked her. I got to say when I first met her I didn’t care much for her because like 99% of the people on any given day of my life she was very belligerent and disagreeable.”
25. Dennis Feinstein
Fragrance maker who changed his name from Dante Fiero to Dennis Feinstein so he would be considered “exotic” in Pawnee.
Quote: “You guys ever been fox hunting? I have my own foxes flown in from Russia, and we drug them pretty heavily so they can’t get that far. In fact, they mostly flop around on the ground, makes it easier to just walk up and POW! Stupid foxes. It’s deeply erotic.”
27. Jessica Wicks
The former Miss Pawnee is also Bobby Newport’s step-mother.
Quote: “I was doing a ribbon cutting at the hospital, and he was there because his blood doesn’t work. We started talking, and then I realized who he was. Oh my gosh it was love at first site.”
- President Trump has given House Republicans an ultimatum: Pass their health care bill Friday or he will move on to other issues.
- FBI agents posed as filmmakers to talk to armed militia during a standoff in Nevada, then used the footage against two men on trial in federal court.
- The suspect in the London terror attack near Parliament, who was killed by police, has been identified as 52-year-old Khalid Masood.
- Donald Trump had a photo op in a semitruck. The photos were too good not to become a meme — and the internet delivered 🚛👍