1. President Obama is not allowed to pet this Russian cat.
“Sanctions: U.S. President Barack Obama and members of the U.S. Congress are forbidden from petting my cat.”
2. Or this one.
“SANCTION: U.S. President Barack Obama is forbidden from petting my cat Mukha and from using her tray and her bowls.”
3. He can’t even TALK to this cat.
“Sanctions: Barack Obama and members of the U.S. Congress have lost the right to speak to Kristina Igorevna and Michelle Alexeyevna.”
4. He can’t kiss this little pup.
“SANCTIONS: U.S. President Barack Obama, senators and members of the U.S. Congress are forbidden from kissing this dog on the nose and melting at the sight of her. Forever.”
5. He’s been barred from this 6-year-old’s room.
“SANCTIONS! Barack Obama is NOT ALLOWED to come into my room. Slava, age six.”
6. And this accounting department.
“Sanction: U.S. President Barack Obama has lost the right to enter our accounting department. P.S. Even with chocolates!”
7. He can’t get prescriptions filled at this pharmacy.
“Sanction: Barack Obama is forbidden entry to all locations of the ‘Prescription for Health’ chain.”
8. He can’t eat this meal, or wash it down with a glass of Crimean wine.
“SANCTIONS!!! U.S. President Barack Obama is forbidden from eating my dinner and drinking ‘Bastardo Old Crimea’ wine.”
9. Dessert? Nope.
“SANCTIONS: U.S. President Barack Obama and members of the U.S. Congress have lost the right to annex my pie.”
10. The President better not get thirsty in Russia.
“SANCTIONS! U.S. President Barack Obama is not allowed to drink from this water cooler.”
11. No juice for you.
“SANCTIONS! U.S. President Barack Obama is forbidden from drinking this juice because it is Kind brand and you are a monkey, the devil incarnate!”
12. But maybe that’s for the best, because he can’t use the men’s room.
“SANCTIONS. U.S. President Barack Obama has lost the right to enter the bathroom of dormitory number four. Certified by: V.V. Putin, the janitors, the dorm supervisor, the residents, Russia.”
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