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Guys, We Need To Talk About Rhythmic Gymnastics

Sorceresses are among us and they are rhythmic gymnasts.

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You might be thinking all the Olympic gymnastics events are over, but you are wrong. Rhythmic gymnastics is here, and it is GLORIOUS.

Ben Stansall / AFP / Getty Images

Oh, the ribbon-dancing thing, you're thinking. Also the thing with the ball, the hoop, and the clubs.

Ben Stansall / AFP / Getty Images

It's true, rhythmic gymnastics is not nearly as well known in North America as its sibling discipline, artistic gymnastics.

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But it's basically the closest thing in the Olympics to Cirque du Soleil, and it's pretty damn mesmerizing to watch.

(Cirque recruits rhythmic gymnasts, BTW.)
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(Cirque recruits rhythmic gymnasts, BTW.)

It also looks very hard.

Laurence Griffiths / Getty Images

Can you do this?

Thomas Coex / AFP / Getty Images

I cannot do this.

Elsa / Getty Images

US rhythmic gymnast Laura Zeng and I are citizens of the same nation but she can do this and I definitely can't.

Laurence Griffiths / Getty Images

Now let's talk about the outfits.

Ben Stansall / AFP / Getty Images

BLING FOR DAYS.

Laurence Griffiths / Getty Images

The gymnasts get to coordinate their equipment with their costumes!

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It would have been pretty cool if Simone Biles had competed on a glittery vaulting table that matched her leotard, but she did not.

Thomas Coex / AFP / Getty Images

This is Ekaterina Volkova of Finland. Where did you get those pink clubs, Ekaterina? Asking for a friend.

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Check out Natalia Azevedo Gaudio repping Brazil's colors from head to toe.

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And Jana Berezko-Marggrander of Germany with these sweet, sweet cuffs.

Laurence Griffiths / Getty Images

This is also a good time to talk about the fact that rhythmic gymnasts look like beautiful sorceresses.

Thomas Coex / AFP / Getty Images

This is Kaho Minagawa competing for Japan.

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HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS, KAHO?

Thomas Coex / AFP / Getty Images

Here's Russia's Yana Kudryavtseva just casually controlling this shiny ball, perhaps with her mind.

Thomas Coex / AFP / Getty Images

And here's me, just trying to have it all.

(OK, fine, Bulgaria's Neviana Vladinova competing in the individual all-around qualifier.)
Thomas Coex / AFP / Getty Images

(OK, fine, Bulgaria's Neviana Vladinova competing in the individual all-around qualifier.)

Nicol Ruprecht of Austria looks like she might actually fly out of the arena here.

Ben Stansall / AFP / Getty Images

Elyane Boal of Cape Verde is seriously majestic.

Thomas Coex / AFP / Getty Images

TL;DR: Olympic gymnastics ain't over 'til rhythmic gymnastics is over.

Elsa / Getty Images

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