1. What's cookin', good lookin'?
Expectation: "I'm so over that phase of eating junk food all the time. It's all just good, healthy, classy meals from now on."
Reality: "A few Doritos fell into the ice cream I'm having for dinner, but fuck it."
Expectation: "Okay, tonight I'll try out that new French restaurant after I check out the art exhibition."
Reality: "Hey, come hang out. I ordered a pizza and my roommate gave me her Netflix password."
3. On being a fashion icon:
Expectation: "My clothes are stylish, fit just right, and are great quality."
Reality: "Yipee, the "Stranger Things" T-shirt is on sale."
4. Me when faced with conflict:
Expectation: "My counterarguments are mature and diplomatic."
Reality: "Fuck it, I'm replying with a meme."
5. Celebratory shindigs:
Expectation: "For my birthday I'm going to get together with some friends at the best restaurant in town."
Reality: "Hey guys, everyone bring beer and for Christ's sake, don't puke in the sink."
6. Money matters:
Expectation: "My money is invested in top rated stocks and I am truly satisfied with the results."
Reality: "My money is invested in a Playstation 4 and I am truly happy with the results."
7. Home is where the heart is:
Expectation: "Now that I have my own house, I'm going to think about renovating the living room."
Reality: "I'm gonna have to ask this management-company-from-hell to fix the leak in this rented apartment."
Expectation: "I'm going to have to renew my passport because there's not enough room for all the stamps after all the traveling that I've done."
Reality: "If I divide it up into 22 payments, who knows, maybe this year I'll be able to take that little trip."
9. On relationships:
Expectation: "The best part of being an adult is finally having all of this emotional stability."
Reality: "I made a complete ass of myself when I was talking to my crush YET AGAIN... someone please KILL ME NOW."
10. Home decor:
Expectation: "These pieces of furniture are truly unique — they're beautiful, don't you think?"
Reality: "I'm just waiting for my friend to move out so I can by his used furniture."
This post was translated from Portuguese.