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You Are Probably a (Pediatric) Speech-Language Pathologist

...if the following apply :)

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1. At least one child spits in your face on a daily basis. You rejoice when it doesn’t go directly into your eye.

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Lateral /sh/, why are you ruining my life!?

2. You have become overly critical of children's books.

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Interesting word choice, Dr. Seuss.

3. You frequently excuse the rude, inappropriate behaviors of strangers. They just need pragmatic language therapy, is all.

4. You can tell which children are in desperate need of occupational therapy services within two minutes of meeting them.

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Friend, you just failed an OT screener you didn’t even know you were taking.

5. You find yourself engaging in lengthy discussions about words, word variations, and their meanings.

6. And you spend way too much time wondering (or debating) about things like this:

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(Sorry this gif is so small... I'm an SLP, not a tech whiz.)

7. You try to play with your friends’ “typically-developing” kid but wind up doing therapy activities.

8. ...and teaching them /s/ blends even though they’re only two.

9. Along those lines, you are amazed by and think that all typically-developing kids you encounter are absolute geniuses.

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Have you ever given one of them the EOWPVT just to see how high they'll score?? Clearly I have no life.

10. You can’t help pointing out when friends and family members make grammatical errors.

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You later praise them for self-corrections.

11. The same goes for any differences of dialect or pronunciation.

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In our defense, we just can't turn it off!

12. You have purchased or received SLP-themed gifts from sites like Spiffy Speech Gear.

Holiday gifts for my speech friends? Check. We should all agree to dress like this at ASHA conventions.

Holiday gifts for my speech friends? Check. We should all agree to dress like this at ASHA conventions.

13. You’re not a developmental pediatrician, but you’re confident in your ability to accurately diagnose the condition of “Somewhere on the Spectrum.”

14. You take offense when someone calls you a “teacher,” unless that someone is the cashier at Books a Million.

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'Cause you better be getting that teacher discount.

15. You live for parties where people are playing Taboo or Catch Phrase or.... um... uh... what's the name of that other word finding game? It's uh.... it's on the tip of my tongue...

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Just kidding. We've totally got this!!

16. Oh, and you know how to play, like, every children’s board game ever made without reading the directions. You enjoy walking down the game aisle at Target saying, “I’ve got this one, this one, this one, this one…”

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For some reason no one else is impressed.

17. You signed the petition to bring back Cariboo and felt like a political activist.

18. You have some variation of the conversation below multiple times per day.

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You: Where should I put this?

Child: Right there.

You: Right where?

Child: Right there.

You: Where? On my head?

Child: No. Right there!

You: On my shoe?

Child: No.

You: Then where should I put it?

Child: Right there.

You: Right where?

Child. Right there.

19. You have interacted with other adults and then later realized you were still wearing a full set of jewelry from Pretty Pretty Princess.

20. Speaking of tiaras, you can't help but notice that all of the children on Toddlers and Tiaras have non-developmentally-appropriate articulation errors.

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How about putting some of that pageant money towards speech sessions?? Priorities, people.

21. You don’t understand why the words “stimulable” and “stimulability” aren’t in the Microsoft Word Dictionary.

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Or why they don't make it easier to put IPA symbols into reports. FYI, if this website was a human being, I'd marry it.

22. You see every new kids’ movie at the theater, even if you don’t have kids of your own. Hey, you need to be able to ask your students WH- questions about the plot!

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Everybody sing it with me: "Wet it doh! Wet it doh! Tan't hold it bat anymoh!"

23. It drives you crazy when any TV or movie character has an unfamiliar accent.

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You may have even attempted to transcribe all of the consonant and vowel substitutions in IPA using pen and paper... or was that just me while watching Flight of the Conchords?

24. You could've planned an entire month's worth of original therapy sessions in the time you just spent browsing Pintrest or Teachers Pay Teachers for ideas.

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This way is so much more fun though, Oprah.

25. Whenever you hear an idiom or figure of speech, you make a mental note to bring it up during one of your pragmatic language groups.

26. You feel sorry when a parent asks about the efficacy of oral motor activities.

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Settle in and get comfy; this answer is going to take a while.

27. You can’t stop saying, “use your words” to children, adults, and sometimes inanimate objects.

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SWEETHEART! USE YOUR WORDS.

28. You feel totally inadequate when someone uses a vocabulary word you’ve never heard before.

29. You could easily conduct a therapy session using all of the random, child-friendly items that mysteriously found their way into your purse.

30. You're fabulous!

Make sure to check out Spiffy Speech Gear before you go and feel free to pass this along if you like it!

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