In high school, relationships were easy...
But now you're an adult.
Sucks for you!
Time for STAGE ONE of Young Adult Dating: Hit on Everyone in Sight.
Step two: Awkwardly introduce yourself and your, er, interest.
When they reject you, which is approx. 9/10 times, you're totes cool with it.
You decide to try online dating...
Except all the people who write to you online are, uh, not your type.
Your friends are starting to worry about you...
Especially when you start coming on to them.
You've finally made enough bad decisions to be ready for STAGE TWO: Your First Serious Adult Relationship.
Just when you thought it was time to give up on dating completely because everyone is so shallow and terrible...
You spy your "soulmate" for the first time.
They agree to go out with you, and the two of you have your first AWESOME adult date!
And juuuuust as soon as you're happy, you are overcome by anxiety and self-doubt.
You feel completely unable to express your true feeling to your new SO.
And then when you finally do, it comes out all wrong.
At which point, your "soulmate" is like...
And then they actually break up with you, even though they "still love you."
Uh-oh, here comes STAGE THREE: Your First Huge Breakup.
This is literally the worst thing that's ever happened to you.
You constantly think about begging them to come back to you.
And you're pretty sure you'll never love again.
When your friends talk shit, you actually defend the jerk who broke your heart.
Til your ex announces they're marrying the person they started dating right after you.
And you realize that your friends are totally right.
Sounds like you're ready for STAGE FOUR: Forever Alone.
There's nothing wrong.
The fact that you're focusing on things other than dating is totally OK.
Maybe all of these experiences have made you slightly bitter.
You think that maybe you just need to broaden your social circle.
Yep, definitely time to get back out there.
Time for STAGE FIVE: Hooking Up with the Next Crazy Asshole You Meet.
Maybe you can make the whole "no strings attached" thing work...
But naturally, you start developing feelings — you are a human!
Still, this relationship is toxic and you know it.
Finally, you end something on your own terms... because you have standards!
THE FINAL STAGE is the best part of your twenties/life: realizing how awesome you are, with and without a relationship.
Although you may still be...
You've learned a lot about yourself, the world, and doin' it.
Mostly that, no matter what happens, all of this crap makes for an excellent story.
