1. You're fluent in Scientologese and know "wogs" are basically muggles and "handling your MEST" means cleaning your room.
2. ... and "upset" is something you have, not something you are.
3. You knew you were an infinite, spiritual being in a small body and you demanded some respect.
4. You had no problem talking to adults.
5. You were very well prepared for grammar school.
6. You know the answer to "Would you like to write a success story?" is always "yes".
7. You're afraid of being seen yawning.
8. You were winning way before Charlie Sheen.
9. Sometimes you really didn't want to go to an event...
10. ... because you know "The Birthday Game" isn't as exciting as it sounds...
11. ... but you're used to obligatory clapping and cheering at a screen.
12. You secretly enjoyed watching We Stand Tall the first time.
13. You wanted to jump the velvet rope and sit in Ron's office.
14. You looked forward to the photos on the last two pages of Celebrity.
15. You knew everything bad in the world was caused by psychs.
16. Almost everyone you knew smoked.
17. You spent your weekends distributing books or stamping envelopes.
18. You understand the implication of "Thursday before 2".
19. You and your friends have been through some epic Sea Org recruit cycles...
20. ... and not everyone made it out.
21. You watched your parents avoid reges.
22. You've made excuses for Tom Cruise...
23. ... because you verbally abused an ashtray.
24. Most of your parents' friends were dentists.
25. You got up the courage to bring someone new in and somebody at the org/mission totally scared them...
26. ... and you had to do damage control.
27. You weren't totally sure how to react when people told you their family members were SPs.
28. You learned the hard way who you could be real with...
29. When you met someone outside of LA or Clearwater, you knew you were probably the only Scientologist they have ever met and likely ever will meet.
30. You know that if you're reading and understanding this, you're out or soon will be...
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