Ten Dating Mistakes That Women Always Make
Ten Dating Mistakes that Women always Make:
It is, socially speaking, a woman’s world. By and large, women are seen as being less than able of wrong-doing, especially when it comes to social interactions between men and women. There are many articles for women regarding social interactions between men and women- otherwise known as “dating”— as well as articles for men, regarding those same interactions. But by and large, they are written by women, who have their own ideas about what women should do, and what men should *not* do, in order to have a successful date. But it isn’t often that a “what not to do” guide is presented for women. What? is it presumed that women make no dating mistakes? that making dating mistakes is the sole purview of the male portion of our species?
Let me clue you in to ten of the most prevalent mistakes that women make in the dating scene…
1) Not having a plan
It might seem like a very masculine and romantic idea that the man you’re having your very first date with, has everything all planned out in an attempt to make your night so very special. but what you women need to remember is that this is a FIRST date. That means that the man who has gathered up his courage to ask you out for a date, hashed out an agreed upon day and time with you, and has pulled together the funds to ensure that he’s financially capable of being on this date with you, does not know much about you- it would be foolish AND childish of you to leave the planning of what happens on that date, solely up to him.
First off, you are— or claim to be— a grown adult; that means that you are responsible for yourself, your actions, and your decisions. Secondly, that means, as a grown adult, you are capable of discussing adult matters like an adult. Put it all together, and that means that, since the man you’ve agreed to go out on a date with, may not know what you find romantic, what foods you have an allergy to, or if you’re the laid-back type on a date just yet, you should have some thoughts in mind about what you’d like to do and where you’d like to go. Ya know, just in case what he has planned isn’t quite in agreement with the expectations you have in mind.
And speaking of expectations…
2) Having expectations
Going on a date these days means that, if you haven’t already spent some time getting to know the person you’re going out on a date with, that this is the great opportunity to do so. And even if you have spent some time getting to know the person you’re going out on a date with, this is still the great opportunity to learn even more.
With that being said, it shouldn’t therefore have to be said that you should have expectations about your date and what he will or will not do, before you even begin the date. Having an expectation that he will pay for everything, for instance, will likely ensure that your first date is also your LAST date. While it is a likely idea that he will be willing to pay for everything, having the expectation that he will do so, and especially not discussing this matter with him, will conclude with him seeing you as ‘entitled’ and not worthy of a second date.
Further, having expectations about whether or not he should be more- or less- romantic, about whether or not he should devote the sum total of his attentions to you- verses, perhaps, checking his phone to make sure work hasn’t suddenly sprung a surprise upon him, or about what topics of conversation are safe to talk about verses ones you’d rather avoid- especially on a first date- are as equally likely to draw him to conclude that spending time with you is not worth the effort he’s willing to put forth. If you have any thoughts or ideas about how you want the date to proceed, if you haven’t told him prior to going out on the date, then letting him know before hand, in a civil and non-defensive— and definitely non-aggressive— manner, will better ensure that the date will flow more smoothly.
3) Showing up “fashionably late”
There is no such thing. If you’re going to be more than five minutes late, no matter the reason, call and tell your date that you are going to be late. Don’t say “Oh, I’ll be there in five minutes” if you know it’s going to take ten minutes or longer, and if you are going to be more than thirty minutes late, not only let your date know, but ask them if they are willing to postpone for another time. It demonstrates that you’re not trying to waste their time, and that you appreciate the fact that they did show up on time.
And it doesn’t matter how much work you put into looking good or getting ready for your date, nor how devastatingly gorgeous a creature you are; showing up late ON PURPOSE- and without calling ahead to say you would be late AND without a damned good explanation as to why you were late- will likely see you on a date with and by, yourself.
4) Bringing up the past
This should be universal, but as often as not it is more like that women will bring up conversations about bad dates that they’ve been on, or about the most recent ex who has done them wrong. On the one hand, we men actually enjoy hearing stories about the dates that have gone wrong, or the ex who always left the toilet seat up in the middle of the night. It lets us learn more about you, about the type of person you are and how you respond to certain situations and what you don’t like, and more importantly it tells us what things we need to keep aware of if we’re going to pursue dating you. On the other hand, we don’t want to hear about it on the first date, largely that is when we want to hear about those things that will draw us to wanting to ask you out on a second and third date.
You should be doing what you can to uphold your part of the date— that is, to try to entice your date to be as interested in you as you want to be interested in them. Bringing up dating horror stories not only diminishes your date’s potential interest in you, it also demonstrates that, by focusing on the past that you’re not interested in either the present— the date you’re currently on— or the future— getting to know your date and perhaps have other dates with them as well.
5) Sell yourself
You’re on a date. You’re on a date, and presumably you’re hoping to see if this person you’re on a date with, is someone you want to go on more than just this one date with. Here’s a bit of news; they’re doing the same thing.
While it’s not up to you to make THEM interesting, it IS up to you to make YOURSELF interesting to your date. That starts off by being keyed into the things that you know would interest them, and then tying in some sort of commonality with that interest of theirs that draws them into you. It also starts by letting them become keyed into something about yourself that draws their interest in you, and then finding some sort of commonality between the two of you to reinforce that interest. If all you’re doing is trying to get them to talk about themselves, you’re not demonstrating that they should be interested at all in you; if all you’re doing is talking about yourself, you’re not demonstrating that you have any interest in them, and likely, they won’t have much added reason to invest their interest in you.
So be interesting, not by asking questions ad nauseum, not by talking about yourself throughout the entire date, but by working on forming ideas of what you share in common, things that can connect the two of you into hobbies and conversations that make you seem like you’re a cut above the rest, that single you out from the masses.
And among other things, people go on dates pretty often; if you want your date to think of you, to think that you’re special and unique and perhaps someone to be cherished and sought after, then it is YOUR job to make sure that they get that from you. You may very well be a special and unique person, but if you don’t sell that to your date, don’t be upset if they seem not to get it.
6) Playing with your phone
You don’t want your date constantly looking at their phone. Do them that same courtesy; turn off your phone, and leave it be. Or, if you need to have your phone near at hand and operational, let your date know why that is, and only check your phone when it’s absolutely necessary. Even thirty seconds on Facebook because an alert came up on your phone about a funny post will have an unpleasant impact on your date.
Save being on the phone during a date until well after you’re in an established relationship, hm?
7) Saying “tell me something about you no one else knows”
To be honest, I stole this from another article of a similar nature, but I did so because this is rarely something men do, but something that women do with an annoying level of frequency.
First, this is a first date- if someone is going to tell you something that NO ONE ELSE knows, you should be very afraid. Second- this is a first date- if you want to know something, already, that NO ONE ELSE knows, that’s likely going to make your date afraid. Because, why would you want to know something like that ON A FIRST DATE?
8) Bringing your girlfriend along on the date/Having a “bail out” call
Perhaps, back in the age of pagers and nascent cell phone usage, and before the advent of social media and CCTV cameras just about everywhere, it was reassuring and safe— and UNKNOWN— to ask your bestie to come to the date spot before you, so she could watch you and your date, and give you the low down of what he did when you stepped away to go to the bathroom. And it might have seemed pretty genuine, back before smartphones and Facebook, to get a call or a message in the midst of a date and then say, “Oh, gosh darn it, I have an emergency; I have to go. I’m so sorry; it was fun!” and run away from a date you’ve found you’re not all that interested in continuing.
Now, however, that is creepy, childish, and so much of a cliche that it’s pathetic.
There’s nothing wrong with letting your people know that you’re going out on a date with a new guy, and there’s nothing wrong with letting your date know that your people know you’re out on a date with them. We’re all sufficiently paranoid about the idea of either being a victim, or being falsely accused of being a perpetrator, that such security precautions aren’t looked at as being “too much”. But there is no call for your bestie to be sitting across the restaurant, secretly taking pictures of your date “just in case”, and asking to see— and then take a pictures of!!— someone’s license, “because if I go missing, people will know who it was”, is waaaay beyond creepy, and at the very least edges right into “identity theft” territory. With that one action, you have his picture, his FULL government name, his address, his date of birth- Hello- stalker much? And if you’re the type of woman who thinks that this kind of behavior is “perfectly okay”, then you’d better be prepared to dig out your own ID and let him take a picture of it, as well.
And that “emergency” phone call? in the middle of your date? We’ve seen enough “Friends” and “Sex in the City” to know not only what that’s about, but what it means, too. If you can’t be enough of a grown adult to let someone know that the date isn’t going well for you and to end it on a high note, then you shouldn’t be dating. Period.
9) Bringing up strong/controversial conversation topics
Let me offer a reminder; this is a first date. That doesn’t mean you can’t broach a topic to feel out how your date might respond about it, especially as it lets you learn more about your date and how they think, or how they will react to discussion. But if you know for sure that what you’re thinking of talking about is going to make waves, don’t. If you’re highly religious, don’t bring that up unless you already know that he’s both highly religious as well, AND willing to talk about it. If you have a particular political stance, it’s likely best to leave that alone. If you see yourself as belonging to a “special” group of people who feel strongly about specific social injustices, the wise course of action is to know beforehand if that is a hot topic- and if you don’t know beforehand, don’t let it become something to talk about.
A first date is about getting to know the person you’re going out on a date with, not to find a reason to argue with them. It doesn’t matter how passionate you might be about that topic, arguing, especially on a first date, won’t make a second date happen.
10) Being a “sub-par” date
Your parents taught you— or they SHOULD have taught you— to send a thank you card when you receive a Christmas gift. The same applies to a date. Your date has spent time they could have been doing other things, in getting to know you, and in doing their best to be interesting to you. The LEAST you can do, is to take a moment, at some point soon after the date, and email them/text them/leave them a voice mail message, and say “Thanks for the really nice date”, or, even “Thanks, it was great, but perhaps we’re not a good match”. Letting your date know that either you enjoyed the date, or that you aren’t interested in further dates, is not only a relief that allows them to focus themselves where they need to be focused best, “it’s just good manners”.