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13 Reasons Maine Is The Scariest Place In The World

Blueberries, Lobsters, and Fog: Oh My...

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Forget Transylvania. Anyone who has ever traveled to Maine knows it's the darkest, creepiest, spine-tinglingest place ever. Paul Doiron, author of the acclaimed new thriller The Bone Orchard, offers 13 reasons why you don't want to be caught in the Pine Tree State after dark...

1. Mainers eat a lot of lobsters—which are basically giant armor-plated spiders with claws.

Mmm. Pass the butter, please.
Via quickmeme.com

Mmm. Pass the butter, please.

2. And Maine vampires aren’t sexy vampires.

Via giphy.com

Ah! Check out this guy from Salem’s Lot, set in Maine. If he starts to sparkle, we’re getting the hell out of here…

3. You wouldn’t want to pet their dogs.

Via wifflegif.com

Meet Maine's own Cujo. Or better yet, don’t.

4. Or their cats...

Via giphy.com

Only in Maine’s famous Pet Sematary would this cat come back to you…

5. Mainers consider fog to be nice weather.

Via giphy.com

Lovely morning to take Cujo for a walk...

6. It’s also the largest American producer of blueberries—and if you don't think that's scary…

Via i.imgur.com

Blueberry body for life? Not for the faint of heart.

7. Maine has a lot of cliffs.

Beautiful.
Via acadianationalpark.com

Beautiful.

...

Via i.imgur.com

Wait...

8. Maine is home to a famous ghost.

Via tumblr.com

Okay, we know Casper says he’s friendly, but he seems a little overly possessive…

9. Everything there is “wicked.”

Via clotureclub.com

And that means something good to these people…

10. You could go to jail for blowing your nose in public.

Allergies? Not on Maine's watch, lady.(You could also be fined for having Christmas decorations up after January 14.)
Via sodahead.com

Allergies? Not on Maine's watch, lady.

(You could also be fined for having Christmas decorations up after January 14.)

11. You can freeze to death walking to the mailbox in the morning.

Via giphy.com

This = Maine + Fall/Winter/Spring + You.

12. This guy.

Maine’s very own Stephen King: the evil genius behind It, Cujo, Pet Sematary, and basically all of our nightmares—all in Maine.
Via commons.wikimedia.org

Maine’s very own Stephen King: the evil genius behind It, Cujo, Pet Sematary, and basically all of our nightmares—all in Maine.

13. There’s an actual village named Misery Gore.

Case closed.
Via blogger.com

Case closed.

Still need the tingles, and thinking about Maine? Check out Paul Doiron's new haunting Maine thriller: The Bone Orchard, on sale July 15!

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