1. Pretend Like It Never Happened
“I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.”
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.6
Bella does a great job of *conveniently* forgetting how tough life is. Try doing the same— if you act like you don’t remember that your lips fell someone else’s, maybe he’ll block it out, too. If he doesn’t start forgetting, he’ll probably just pity how flighty you are.
“I saved your life – I don’t owe you anything.”
Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 3, p.64
Edward saved Bella’s life a handful of times, and he tended to throw it in her face whenever he could…even though he was only saving her from the danger he put her in.
That’s some top-notch blackmailing. Take a cue from Edward and use similar threats if Rob tries to leave you.
3. Compliment the Crap Out of Him
“I wasn’t interesting. And he was. Interesting…and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.”
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 4, p.79
Does he dazzle you? Well, it doesn’t matter what you actually think. This dude is described as the most beautiful man to have ever existed like, 1000 times over in a single book. I think now’s a good time to let him you think he’s attractive.
4. Let Him Get Even
“Do you think that if I ran him over with my truck he would stop feeling guilty about the accident? That he might give up on making amends and call it even?”
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 8, p.154
Here, Bella contemplates leveling the playing field with Edward, re: putting each other’s lives in danger. She has a lot of catching up to do. It’s Rob’s turn now. Avert your eyes and settle the score.
7. Try Some New Things
“Bring on the shackles — I’m your prisoner.”
Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 14, p.302
“It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share.”
Alice Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 16, p.346
It’s like 50 Shades of Grey Skin. You know, because his skin is grey.
8. Run Away From Your Life and Into His
“Do you think you could get away from them if your mother’s life depended on it?”
James, Twilight, Chapter 21, p.428
When some dude named James tried to kill Bella, she hid in a hotel room with the Cullens. She was only coaxed out to save her mom’s life. Problem? It was all a rouse to get Bella alone. Learn from her mistakes, K. Stew. This will prove your dedication, and it will also protect you from ever making another mistake ever again. Ever.
This post was created by a user and has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!
- A teenager was taken into custody Wednesday after he shot two students and one teacher at an elementary school in South Carolina.
- After top lawmakers accused Russia of meddling with the election, US officials have insisted votes on Election Day will be secure.
- Congress has voted to override President Obama's veto of a bill that'd allow families of 9/11 victims to sue Saudi Arabia.