People Who Vote Are Better At Having Sex, And Here Are The Receipts To Prove It

You know it's true.

So, uh. You're probably well aware that there's an election coming up on Nov. 3. A big one, in fact! We'll choose our next president, and there will be plenty of important local races on your ballot too.

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And look. There are lots of really important reasons why you should register to vote this year. But today I'm gonna focus only on ONE: People who vote are much, much better at sex than people who don't.

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Don't believe me? It's true! People who vote can FUCK. Here's why...

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1. First of all, voters know how to take charge.

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Whether they're asserting a little dominance in the bedroom or taking control of their democracy, voters aren't afraid to grab the reins and lead the way when the moment is right.

2. They don't expect other people to do the work for them.

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Ever hooked up with someone who made YOU do all the work? It's the worst. And the same goes for voting! You can't just rely on others to get the job done on your behalf. You gotta put a little sweat in too!

3. Voters know what they like.

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Knowing what you want your partner to do to you in bed? That's hot. Knowing whom you want representing you in government? That's hotter.

4. And they're not afraid to ASK for what they like, either.

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If there's something you want, you have to SPEAK UP! That's what the best lovers do, and that's what every voter's gonna do on Nov. 3.

5. Voters plan ahead.

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Sex sometimes requires a little ~preparation~, and guess what? Voting does, too! Make sure you're registered to vote well ahead of Election Day, request a mail-in ballot if you can, and make a plan to cast your vote.

6. Voters always wear protection.

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Whether they're sliding on a condom to protect their partner in a hookup or putting on a face mask to protect their fellow citizens at the ballot box, voters are highly respectful of others and always ~play it safe~.

7. They're highly attuned to what's happening around them.

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If you've ever had the misfortune of being with someone who was a little...inattentive...you know how boring it can be. But NOBODY is more engaged with the world around them than a voter!

8. They're not intimidated by a challenge.

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Whether it's beating out a popular incumbent or keeping you up all damn night, voters are ready for any challenge that comes their way.

9. They're not just gonna lie down and do nothing.

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Things might be rough in the world right now, but voters aren't gonna take that shit lying down! And they aren't gonna lie down and do nothing in the sack, either. Voters want ACTION.

10. They're open to trying new things.

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The best lovers aren't afraid of a little ~experimentation~, and neither are voters! Because of COVID-19, people will vote by mail for the first time in record numbers this year — but hey, it's always exciting to try something new. ;)

11. They're always striving to make things better.

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Whether they're improving their oral skills or fighting for a more equitable, safe, and fair America, voters are never satisfied with "good enough."

12. And finally........they can always locate the perfect spot.

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Be it that tiny little circle on a ballot or the G-spot on their partner, voters always know how to find the perfect spot.

So don't forget to register to vote this year. It takes only a few minutes, and I KNOW you can last longer than that. 😚

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