1. You'll need to contact a philosophy professor before paying this parking fee.
2. No one taught us how to deal with this in Driver's Ed.
3. Did you know that alcohol is now illegal EVERYWHERE?
4. Yup — the alcohol you buy at this liquor store cannot be consumed anywhere at all.
5. You will be forced to stay in this parking garage for the rest of your life.
6. Hmm. Maybe I'll just take the elevator.
7. Bad news for anyone who doesn't smoke: The law now requires you to take up the habit.
8. Best of luck to anyone who needs to make a right turn.
9. Your guess is as good as mine here.
10. To take the stage or to stay off the stage? That is the question.
11. Bad news for anyone hoping to use this toilet for, uh, your personal business...
12. In case of fire, good fuckin' luck.
13. You might be trapped in this convenience store for eternity.
14. If you have a fireplace, please never leave your home again.
15. Have fun trying to figure out which roll of TP to use.
16. Time to abandon your car and walk home, I guess.
17. They don't want you to see this movie but they do want you to see it.
18. Oh, okay, cool.
19. And finally...I guess you could try crouching?
H/T to /r/firstworldconformists