Well folks, it happened: Oreo made a cookie with avocado-flavored creme. And in very related news, I am going to go bury myself in a hole forever.
The flavor was made as part of their #MyOreoCreation contest, where Oreo fans can suggest flavor ideas and apparently test the boundaries of acceptable human behavior. The contest is still ongoing, but Oreo made a few batches of the frontrunners so far. And, well, here we are now:
Who the fuck suggested this???? I WANT NAMES.
Avocados? Good! Oreos? Good! But putting them together? History will judge us harshly for this.
How will we explain this to our children? Our grandchildren?
The good news is, there's still hope: So far, the test batches have only been sent to people who suggested the flavors. Like this guy, who submitted the much more reasonable idea of Glazed Donut Oreos.
Personally, I decided to write a heartfelt letter to Oreo, where I calmly and clearly expressed my concerns:
My point is, we still have time to stop this. Call your senators. Write your congressmen. Go on a hunger strike. Form a human chain around the Nabisco headquarters. WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP AVOCADO OREOS FOREVER.