Men are sharing the subtle, often overlooked red flags that women who date men should watch out for — and some of the warning signs they mentioned might surprise you.
It all started when Reddit user u/ObjectivePin5704 asked men across the internet: "What uncommon red flags in men should women be on the lookout for?"
Here are some of the top-voted responses from users:
1. "If you have to defend him with a phrase like, 'Oh, but when he’s just with me, it’s different' or 'But you don’t see him when he is nice…' Who he is when he’s at his worst is still the guy you’re dating…and if all your friends see or hear about is the worst? It’s not something they aren’t seeing; it’s something you aren’t recognizing."
2. "If he's 'getting out of a relationship' while trying to start one with you, you will never be sure when he begins one with someone else while still in one with you."
3. "If a man challenges a woman to keep up with him while drinking, it's a real possibility that man has intentions to take advantage of that woman."
4. "Disrespect disguised as jokes. Comedy can be a little hurtful, but an obvious insult followed by 'I was just joking!' is a coward's method to avoid confrontation."
5. "If he says something offensive, then brushes off the offended person's retort by saying something along the lines of, 'Hey, I'm just being honest,' he's never going to apologize for anything unless he's getting something out of it... honestly."
6. "How much his mom controls his life."
7. "Be careful of men who blame every failed relationship on the ex. Not only will you be the next bad story, but he likely doesn’t have accountability."
8. "If his last girlfriend tries to earnestly warn you, she may actually be warning you."
9. "Hundred percent, if you are feeling unwanted and unloved, and are thinking about breaking up, and then you try to bring it up, and all of a sudden, he starts being everything you wanted, only to go back to being distant and cold, you have yourself a love bomber. It's awful. The amount of people who fall for this is sad. Because some people just get caught in this vicious cycle, not knowing it's even happening."
10. "Someone who can’t accept your accomplishments. Don’t be with someone who feels the need to compete with you or can’t accept that you’ve accomplished your goals. My wife is a doctor; I’m a fucking idiot! I asked her what made her want to marry me. She said, 'You took time to praise my accomplishments and made me feel important — all while struggling yourself.'"
11. "Lying for your approval. Had a couple sit down at my restaurant, and the guy kept loudly insisting that he would give extra tips while in front of his date. He said it again when he went up to the cashier to pay via Apple Pay. Forgot to sign the receipt until we told him to. Guy proceeded to rush out of the restaurant with his date yelling back about how much tip he so 'generously' gave. For an almost $60 dinner, the guy gave $2 in tip. I feel bad for his date."
12. "Guys who lie with the truth. Subtle art. But super dangerous. Example: Saying they'd never cheat on you with anyone currently at their job. New hires don't count. Or them saying I would never be interested in your best friend while I'm with you. But then you break up, and he's all for it."
13. "When I worked at KFC, there was a girl whose boyfriend would stay parked outside the door during her entire shift. That is not something I've seen commonly, and it's a HUGE red flag."
14. "Men that take kindness as weakness. All too common."
15. "What I call 'alpha intellectuals' — those who have to constantly show how intelligent they are, how they are the most knowledgeable on a subject, and they always have to be right. It’s like their identity depends on people recognizing they are smart."
16. "Inability to apologize."
17. "Immediately shutting down when you try to discuss anything 'deep' or potentially problematic in the relationship."
18. "If he is mean toward your pet, don't stay silent; your pet needs your protection. One of my friend's boyfriends was quite mean toward her bird. I don't know how she tolerated him. I would never let anyone mistreat my pet."
19. "Temper and inability to control it."
20. "Angry drunk."
21. "Lack of intellectual curiosity. They don't need to be super-smart, but they should be interested in the world around them, in ideas, and most of all, in you."
22. "Dudes who try to humiliate other dudes in front of women. Also, related: dudes who backstab and talk shit about other dudes to look better in front of women."
23. "Being obsessed with being an 'alpha male' and calling all other men they don’t like, or who don't fit their view of a man, 'beta males.' Some people just say stuff like that as a joke, but I’ve noticed a lot of insecure men start basing their entire personality and worldview around it."
24. "If their personality changes after the first few months, and you start to feel like you are walking on eggshells most days, there is a good chance they have masked who they really are and were only being who they thought you wanted them to be. This can be a sign of an emotional abuser, and you will hold on to 'the true them,' believing they are just going through something and you can bring them back to how it was. You can't. Run."
25. "Someone who is unable to joke about themselves."
26. "Doesn't know when to stop or how to respect your boundaries. This doesn't have to be physical, but also emotional. I know a guy (I'm a dude) who, when he teases his ex, it goes from teasing to downright abusive. Even when she's telling him to stop and close to tears."
27. "Making fun of others on the first date. Harmless pokes at others are okay, but only if they are unaware of the jokes. If he is not discreet, it possibly shows his disrespect for others."
28. "An inability to be just friends with women. If a guy has good friends who are women who they don’t want to date or have anything romantic with, it shows that he sees women beyond just romantic prospects and cannot only be a great romantic partner, but an overall good partner in life as a whole."
29. "This goes for all genders really, but anyone who thinks they have the right to 'punish' you for perceived wrongdoings is a waste of time IMO. That's not how equals resolve issues."
30. "Anyone who keeps saying they are a nice or good person."
31. "Well I hope it’s uncommon…but if he can’t handle a conversation about your period, or can’t go buy you pads or tampons, he is ignorant of basic biology and not a fully-functioning adult male. Not saying it’s a dealbreaker; maybe you can educate him. But if not, big red flag for a serious longterm relationship or marriage."
32. "How they treat staff in shops and restaurants (and generally how they interact with strangers). How they respond to something you like, but they don't."
And finally...
33. "If they say, 'You are way too good for me...I don't deserve you.' 90% of the time, they are telling the truth because they know something about themselves that they don't want you to find out. So believe them!! Sneaky, sneaky."
You can read the full thread of responses on Reddit.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.