Yesterday, a Reddit thread asked users "What’s a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?" The answers were equal parts hilarious and too pure for this world.
Here are some of the best responses:
1. "This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder."
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2. "A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, 'Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it.'"
3. "A man is washing his car with his son when the boy goes, 'Dad, can't we use a sponge?'"
4. "My grandmother's last words before she kicked the bucket were, 'Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?'"
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5. "What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck."
6. "A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'uno, dos...' and poof. He disappears without a tres."
7. "Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead."
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8. "Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."
9. "The temptation to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is always just a whim away a whim away a whim away a whim away."
10. "What's E.T. short for? Because he's got little legs."
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11. "Two satellites decide to get married. It wasn't much of a wedding, but boy was that reception amazing!"
12. "What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire."
13. "Why couldn't the pony sing? Because it was a little hoarse."
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14. "Why does Norway put bar codes on all of its ships? So they can Scandinavian.
15. "Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time consuming."
16. "What did the buffalo dad say to his son as he left? Bison."
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17. "An old woman fell in a well. She didn't see that well."
18. "What should you do if you see a spaceman? You should park, man."
19. "An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks. The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'"
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20. "Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four it would be a chicken sedan."
21. "I saw a man stealing groceries the other day whilst on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He got charged with shoplifting on two counts."
22. "How do you fix a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch."
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23. "Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, 'We don't serve your kind here.'"
24. "What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table."
25. "Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything."
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26. "What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick."
27. "A man walks into a bar and sees a bunch of people waiting to get refreshments. He asks the bartender, 'Is this really the punch line?'"
28. "Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side."
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29. "What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot."
Jokes have been edited for formatting and clarity.
