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If You Can Make It Through These 29 Jokes Without Laughing, You Have No Soul

"What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick."

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Yesterday, a Reddit thread asked users "What’s a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?" The answers were equal parts hilarious and too pure for this world.

2. "A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, 'Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it.'"

weliveintheshade

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3. "A man is washing his car with his son when the boy goes, 'Dad, can't we use a sponge?'"

slashchunks

6. "A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'uno, dos...' and poof. He disappears without a tres."

PMMEURFELLINGS

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8. "Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."

amateur-dentist

9. "The temptation to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is always just a whim away a whim away a whim away a whim away."

Alexxm

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11. "Two satellites decide to get married. It wasn't much of a wedding, but boy was that reception amazing!"

idontknow1138

12. "What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire."

Bryaxis

14. "Why does Norway put bar codes on all of its ships? So they can Scandinavian.

paaccc

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15. "Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time consuming."

ICanSeeYourAura

18. "What should you do if you see a spaceman? You should park, man."

haroldburgess

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19. "An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks. The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'"

20. "Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four it would be a chicken sedan."

Bosswashington

21. "I saw a man stealing groceries the other day whilst on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He got charged with shoplifting on two counts."

Fordhandsfree

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23. "Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, 'We don't serve your kind here.'"

BetaWolf47

24. "What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table."

Knotawich

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27. "A man walks into a bar and sees a bunch of people waiting to get refreshments. He asks the bartender, 'Is this really the punch line?'"

parkerob

Jokes have been edited for formatting and clarity.