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69 Facts You'll Only Appreciate If You're As Immature As I Am

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1) When a male honey bee reaches orgasm, his testicles explode and his penis gets ripped off.

2) Porcupines decide whether they want to have sex by peeing on each other first.

3) Some female penguins engage in a form of prostitution, where they perform sex acts in exchange for pebbles.

4) And sometimes, the female penguin will trick the male into thinking she'll give him sex — but then she takes the pebble and runs. Yaaaaaaas!

5) Male walruses sometimes perform oral sex on themselves. Here's a YouTube video of it if you're really curious.

6) When panda bears don't feel like having sex, zookeepers will show them videos of other pandas mating to get them in the mood.

7) Next time you're watching Jurassic Park, remember this: The raptor noises were created by recording tortoises having orgasms.

8) Koala bears can give you chlamydia just by peeing on you.

9) Alligators spend their entire life with an erection. It never goes down!


10) If you could harness the power of a single sheep's farts, that sheep could provide enough power to drive a truck twenty-five miles per day.

11) And the burps of ten cows release enough methane to heat a small house for an entire year.

12) There are professional fart smellers out there who try to diagnose health issues based on the scent of your gas.

13) Human bodies continue to fart after death.

14) And those post-death farts can come out of your butt...or your mouth.

15) The average person farts about one liter of gas every day — that's enough to fill a small balloon.

16) People tend to fart more on airplanes due to drops in air pressure. One more reason to hate the middle seat.

17) A study released in 1969 (heh) showed that if astronauts fart too much while in space, it could actually start a fire.

18) Chewing gum makes you fart more because you end up swallowing a lot of air.

19) A study done at the University of Exeter once claimed that smelling farts can reduce your risk of cancer, strokes, heart attacks, and more. (It's worth noting that most scientists dispute this claim.)

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20) According to one study, the smell of donuts can stimulate boners.

21) There's a spider known as the Brazilian wandering spider whose venom causes men to get long, painful erections.

22) You swallow nearly 1.5 quarts of mucus every day. That's over a third of a gallon!

23) Humans are actually just as hairy as apes. We have the same number of hair follicles per square centimeter — our hair just happens to be a lot finer.

24) The first body part every human embryo develops is an anus. Yep, you started out as just a butthole.

25) Do you know what a "natal cleft" is? That's the medical term for your buttcrack.

26) A study at the University of Montreal tried to find out how many calories women burn on average during sex. Their answer? 69.

27) Oral sex was illegal in Canada until they changed the '69.

28) In 2013, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut set a world record for most hot dogs eaten in ten minutes. How many did he eat? 69.


29) Neil Armstrong may have been the first man on the moon, but Buzz Aldrin was the first man to pee on it.

30) Neil and Buzz also left four bags of their poop on the moon before returning to Earth.

31) Vultures get so filthy that they literally shit on their own legs to clean them.

32) Some spiders will disguise themselves as a big ol' pile of bird poo to avoid becoming prey.

33) Sloths only poop about once a week. They can lose up to a third of their body weight from a single shit, and it's often compared to the act of giving birth.

34) Pandas, meanwhile, poop up to 62 pounds of waste each day.

35) Have you ever gotten out of the pool and noticed that your eyes were red? That's not a chlorine issue — it means that somebody peed in the pool.

36) If it's hot enough outside, piles of horse poop can spontaneously catch on fire.

37) Have you ever smelled a brand new book at a bookstore and then had to poop? That's an actual, documented occurence known as the Mariko Aoki phenomenon.


38) Female kangaroos have three vaginas.

39) Male snakes have two penises.

40) Male barnacles are insanely well-hung. Their penises can stretch up to eight times the length of their body.

41) Elephant penises are so long that the animals will sometimes use them as a fifth leg.

42) A blue whale's testicles can weigh up to 150 pounds. Each.

43) And each of their ejaculations will emit 30-40 pints of sperm. That's 5 gallons!!!

44) Researchers once gave some male monkeys juice, and discovered that they were giving away their juice to females in exchange for peeks at their genitalia.

45) Dogs have LITERAL boners — an actual bone inside their penis.

46) There's a tiny little Australian critter known as the antechenus that keeps having sex over and over until it literally disintegrates and dies.


47) Termites fart more than any other animal. Some scientists even think termite farts might contribute to global warming — although others dispute this claim.

48) During the Bubonic Plague, people were told to fart in jars and then take the occasional whiff to ward off the disease. This did not work.

49) One of Abraham Lincoln's favorite jokes to tell was a long story about a man who rips a massive fart while carving a turkey.

50) Benjamin Franklin wrote a whole essay about farting in 1781. It was called "Fart Proudly."

51) The word "pumpernickel" roughly translates from German to mean "farting devil." Soldiers in the Thirty Years' War used to eat a lot of this bread, and apparently it caused a bit of ~indigestion~.

52) Herrings use loud farts to communicate with one another. According to one researcher, "It sounds very much like someone blowing a high-pitched raspberry."

53) The clinical term for burping is "eructation."

54) Paul "Burper King" Hunn currently holds the world record for loudest burp. He's burped at a volume of 109.9 decibels — which Guinness World Records claims is "louder than a large orchestra."

55) And Michele Forgione holds the record for ~longest~ burp — Guinness World Records says his history-making belch lasted one minute, thirteen seconds, and 57 milliseconds.


56) There's a species of fish named "slippery dick."

57) There's also a species of bird called the "tufted titmouse."

58) But wait, there's more! There's a species of antelope known as the "dik-dik."

59) Still not done yet! There's a species of spider named "sparklemuffin."

60) Last one, I promise: There's a species of beetle known as "cockchafer."


61) Wombats poop in the shape of a cube.

62) If you have a blockage in your intestine and fecal matter can't get out, you may start pooping out of your mouth. It's called "fecal vomiting."

63) Ever seen one of those gorgeous white sand beaches in the Caribbean? Yeah, that sand is white because it contains large amounts of fish poop.

64) Some penguins have the ability to projectile poop. Their poop shoots out of their bodies at high pressures and lands far away from them, so they don't have to go near it.

65) Nightingale poop is known to have anti-aging effects on human skin. You can actually get a "bird poop facial" if you want.

66) Guinea pigs actually eat their own poop to get more of the nutrients they might've missed out on the first time around.

67) Y'know that shiny coating on the outside of jelly beans? That's made from insect poop.

68) If you've ever had something vanilla-flavored, it's likely to contain castoreum — a food additive made from the anal secretions of a beaver.

69) And yes, for those of you who are wondering: if you stick your nose up close to a beaver's butt, you're likely to smell a delicious, vanilla-like scent.

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