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    19 Tweets That Will Make Any Hot Mess Say, "Me As Hell"

    My whole life summed up in 19 tweets.


    My debit card is more like a gift card... not sure how much is on this, but we’ll give it a try


    Me putting my foot down and telling my friends I’m not drinking tonight


    everyone is pissed at me for saying i think gumby looks like he'd be good to eat


    Turns out the cream I’ve been putting in my coffee each morning that I brought home from Africa has an alcohol content of 17% .. no wonder I’ve been having such great days lately


    Me in HS: OMG i cant wait to go be on my own and decorate my house Me now:



    I took an uber alone at 2am and when I got out my uber driver was like “have fun, get that dick!” and I said “hell yes thank you!!” because I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was being dropped at my moms house cause we have to wake up early to celebrate my dogs birthday


    I don't understand why I can never finish a bag of lettuce before it expires in a week but can finish a BUCKET of chocolate pretzels that is gunna be fine until 2025 in one sitting.


    i’m taken 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒🔒❣️❣️😍😍😍😍😍😍for granted


    waking up after sleeping with a tank top on


    my 8 yr old neighbor saw my new keychain and said “is that your boyfriend?????”


    last night i ordered a vanilla iced coffee at tim hortons and the guy handed it to me and said “is that good? i can add more vanilla if you need me to. just let me know and i will” and now i think he’s the only person that cares about me


    Me calling my dad when my car starts making noise or when the engine light comes on



    I trust Chick-fil-A so much that I don’t even check my bag and if they get my order wrong I just assume they know what’s best for me.



    "Don't be happy, worry," is my personal motto honestly


    waiter: we only have tap water, is that okay? me: listen i wouldn’t even care if you shot me with a gun


    I have a research paper due in 4 hours and the letter M on my keyboard is broken