back to top
TVAndMovies

24 "Game Of Thrones" Facts That I'm Mostly Just Guessing Cuz Y'all, I've Never Seen It

It's a show about old-timey people killing each other.

Posted on

Hello, world. My name is Stephen, I do pop culture for a living, and I have never seen a single episode of Game of Thrones.

instagram.com

The show looks cool as hell, and if you are a fan of it I am very happy for you!!! But fantasy as a genre isn't usually my thing, so I never got around to watching it.

But I'm still a human that exists in 2017, so I've inevitably learned a thing or two about Game of Thrones from its rather ~enthusiastic~ fanbase online. In fact, I think I am kind of an expert???

HBO

So here is everything I know about the show:

1. Game of Thrones is a show about old-timey medieval people killing each other.

HBO

2. There's a throne, and the throne has a bunch of swords stuck in it.

But it's not like some Sword in the Stone situation where you're supposed to pull the swords out, I think? I think they're just decoration???
HBO

But it's not like some Sword in the Stone situation where you're supposed to pull the swords out, I think? I think they're just decoration???

3. The show takes place in a little town called Westeros. Westeros is in Ireland or Croatia or something.

HBO

4. There's a gal with really long blonde hair that doesn't match her eyebrows. I'm not sure if this is part of the plot but it should be.

HBO

5. Ed Sheeran showed up in an episode, and sang Shape of You or something. Y'all got MAD!!!

HBO

6. I don't really know why everyone was so mad, though. I like Ed Sheeran! I would love it if he showed up on one of my favorite shows, like The Real Housewives of New York City.

HBO

7. The show has lots of incest, but in a good way. You people seem to love it when the incest happens.

I literally found this screenshot by Googling "game of thrones incest" on my work computer. Are these two people related? Are they banging?
HBO

I literally found this screenshot by Googling "game of thrones incest" on my work computer. Are these two people related? Are they banging?

8. Peter Dinklage is on the show. I loved his guest appearance on 30 Rock, so I'm sure I would enjoy Game Of Thrones if I gave it a chance.

HBO

9. By the way, one time I pulled up next to Peter Dinklage at a traffic light and I waved, but he didn't see me. That's okay!

HBO

10. Anyway, there's a character named Jon Snow, and he knows nothing.

HBO

11. In fact, I'm pretty sure "You know nothing Jon Snow!" is like a catchphrase? Like when Michelle says "You got it dude!" on Full House — a show I have seen every episode of, multiple times.

ABC

12. What else...Oh, I know the theme song! It's got some heavy violin and is very dramatic.

HBO

13. And while that theme song plays, they show what looks like a gigantic Settlers of Catan board?

14. Some of the characters have magical powers, I think. But it's not like full-blown Hogwarts shit? I don't really know. They might all be witches.

Warner Bros.

15. There's a family called the Lannisters, and a family called the Starks. They hate each other, and it's a major bummer.

HBO

16. Actually, I'm just gonna name every character I possibly can: Arya Stark, Ned Stark, Tony Stark, Jon Snow, Little Fingers, Cersei Lannister, Daenyrufyefrus, Tyrone Lannister, Jamie Lannister...and...Hagrid. That's all I got.

HBO

17. Everyone dies all the time, and it makes the viewers sad and angry, but it also seems to be the only reason people watch the show.

HBO

18. There was an episode called "The Red Wedding," and everyone at the wedding died. RIP!!!

HBO

19. The Game of Thrones books were written by a man who kinda looks like Santa, in the best way possible??? His name is George R. R. Martin.

Steve Snowden / Getty Images

20. You people always seem to be mad at George R. R. Martin, even though he created the thing you love. I think your main gripe is that he isn't writing the books fast enough? I dunno. Stop being brats!

Jason Merritt / Getty Images

21. The show has huskies in it, but they're called "dire wolves" for some reason. I love huskies!!! If the show was just about the huskies, maybe I would watch it.

I also know that the show has caused a lot of people to adopt these majestic creatures and then neglect them. Stop! Bad! Thanks!
HBO

I also know that the show has caused a lot of people to adopt these majestic creatures and then neglect them. Stop! Bad! Thanks!

22. There's a young woman on the show named Maisie Williams. She's either British or Australian or maybe even Dutch, for all I know. I saw her on a talk show once and she seemed DELIGHTFUL!

NBC

23. The show airs on Sunday nights. How do I know this? Because my friend Julia refuses to hang out with me when it's on :(.

My sad life

24. And finally, there's a man named Kit Harington who is on the show. I only just learned about him the other day, because of his butt.

HBO

Anyway, that is lit'rally everything I know about Game of Thrones. I hope I didn't spoil anything for you.

The best things at three price points