Hello, world. My name's Stephen LaConte, I'm a writer here at BuzzFeed, and according to my friends and family, I'm pretty darn good at giving advice.
So I've invited BuzzFeed readers like you to message me on Instagram and Twitter (@StephenLC in both places) with your biggest problems. And I'm solving 'em all, one DM at a time.
Today, we've got this young man, who accidentally broke his dad's shower wall with a dildo and doesn't know whether to fess up:
Here's my advice: Your dad needs to know that the shower is damaged. He does NOT need to know how it happened, though. At the end of the day, the hole in the wall is the only hole you two need to be discussing.
The good news is, you aren't alone here! I did a little googling, and it turns out more than a few people have damaged their walls with their sex toy's powerful suction cup. It's rare, but it can happen!
Still, I highly doubt your dad is going to jump to the conclusion on his own that your bathroom was destroyed by a dildo. In fact — at the risk of offending any fathers who might be reading this — I bet it wouldn't even occur to most dads as a possibility.
I decided to test this theory, so I texted my own father and asked what he would think if there was a hole in his kid's shower wall. As I expected, he immediately started rambling about some dad shit, with no mention of dildos:
And by the way, my dad actually makes a good point here: For something like this to happen, it's likely your shower was already in rough shape long before you took a dildo to it. I'm guessing this is an older bathroom, and you say your dad doesn't use it much, so he's probably not gonna be THAT shocked to learn there's been some damage.
It's likely he's still gonna ask you how it happened, though. And if he does, you have my full permission to make some shit up. This is one of those times where a little white lie is best for all parties involved. You don't want to tell him the dildo story, and I'm sure he'd be perfectly happy not hearing it. So come prepared with something else.
For example, you could say you slipped in the shower and fell into the wall. Or, you could say you noticed one of the tiles coming loose and, upon inspecting it further, accidentally pulled it off. Heck, if you have one of those razor holders with a suction cup on the back, you can blame it on that! Just have a good story ready and stick to it. I promise you'll be thinking about it more than he is.
And to fully clear your conscience, help him repair the wall! Depending on your family situation, it might be appropriate to chip in some money. Or, at the very least, offer up your time to fix it.
So yeah, tell him that the wall needs some fixing. A hole in your shower can lead to mold, mildew, and water damage if left unfixed (see, now I sound like a dad), so it's important that you let him know there's an issue. Just rip off the s̶u̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶c̶u̶p̶ band-aid and tell him! Good luck.
That's all the advice I'm giving today, folks, but if you've got any words of wisdom for our DMer, please share them in the comments. I'll be reading...
P.S. Do YOU have a problem that you want fixed in front of thousands of Internet strangers? DM me! I'm @StephenLC on Instagram and @StephenLC on Twitter. See you in the DMs!
