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Top 5 Reasons Only Super Geniuses Get A Cellular Enabled Smartwatch

The very dishonest mainstream media will try to convince you not to get that high-end, cellular enabled smartwatch, sad!

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5. You already have a totally rad life, why do you need more of it in battery form?

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You love charging your devices, and the extra radio means less battery life. Also, charging mats are from the future, and you're living in 3017.

2. Continuing conversations in porta-johns while on a brisk power walk has always been a chore.

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Until now that is! Rocket scientists, brain surgeons and now you have a chance to poop and chat, hands free. Wiping is totally optional for deities like us.

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