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Top 5 Reasons Only Super Geniuses Get A Cellular Enabled Smartwatch

The very dishonest mainstream media will try to convince you not to get that high-end, cellular enabled smartwatch, sad!

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5. You already have a totally rad life, why do you need more of it in battery form?


You love charging your devices, and the extra radio means less battery life. Also, charging mats are from the future, and you're living in 3017.

4. Your wireless carrier is totally getting shafted right now.


You consider that extra $10 / month charge to be a first step towards making things right with them. You're not just smart, you're a saint!

3. Only dotards forget their smartphone at home when they run out on errands.


Not you, you super smarty pants, you left your smartphone at home on purpose. Your smartphone doesn't own you, you own it!

2. Continuing conversations in porta-johns while on a brisk power walk has always been a chore.


Until now that is! Rocket scientists, brain surgeons and now you have a chance to poop and chat, hands free. Wiping is totally optional for deities like us.

1. There's simply no better way to air your superiority then by shouting into your non-dominant wrist in public.


Sorry peasants, this is a private conversation.

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