5. You already have a totally rad life, why do you need more of it in battery form?
4. Your wireless carrier is totally getting shafted right now.
3. Only dotards forget their smartphone at home when they run out on errands.
2. Continuing conversations in porta-johns while on a brisk power walk has always been a chore.
1. There's simply no better way to air your superiority then by shouting into your non-dominant wrist in public.
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