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1.A package of pocket treats to disguise their medications because they absolutely refuse to take anything that doesn't taste utterly delicious.
2.A paw soothing balm so their paw pads stay silky smooth at all times. Dry, cracked paws are simply ~out~ of the question.
3.A pair of clippers to keep their nails short and stout. The sound of their nails clacking against hardwood is just too much for their precious ears.
4.A plush orthopedic dog bed because anything less than an ergonomic contour mattress that helps cushion pressure points, distribute body weight, and improve air circulation is simply ~not acceptable~.
5.A two-pack of doorbells so your highness can announce when they have to be relieved. "Mm yes, peasant. I am ready for my tinkle time."
6.A pair of rechargeable clippers to keep their beautiful locks perfectly coifed and curled every single day. If there is even ONE fur out of place so help them.
7.An adjustable elevated dog bowl because your pup refuses to eat off the floor. Who do you think they are? Simon, the house cat? *scoff*. Don't you want them to eat in a healthy feeding position for ~ultimate~ digestion?
8.A package of deodorizing wipes so you can clean off your doggo after a fun day at the park. We both know they'll whine the whole car ride home if they have a speck of mud on them.
9.A seat cover protector for your car, but really so your fur baby doesn't have to deal with their precious paws touching your car's seats. "Your seats have old coffee stains, Carol. Don't you worry about me." —your dog, definitely.
10.An automatic water fountain that allows your dog to constantly have fresh running water to drink out of. They've tried that sad, stagnant water bowl once. Never. Again.
11.An airtight food storage container to keep their kibble dry, fresh, and also smelling delicious longer. The second the food get too stale, it's over. Let's make it last a bit longer.
12.A foldable pet stair because since you ~refuse~ *eye roll* to carry them onto every surface in the house, this will just have to do.
13.A detangling brush so you can remove those pesky mats that develop in your dog's fur, and they'll let you know about it. Trust me.
14.A pack of male dog diapers because even your elderly pup still has (way too much) dignity and would rather wear this than pee themselves. Honestly, me.
15.A portable dog paw washer that will keep their muddy paws sparkly clean so they can continue being the prissy pup they were born to be.
16.A pack of dog poop bags with a dispenser to satisfy your dog's favorite pastime: watching you clean up their poop. "Ahh, yes. Clean my poo. Yes, everyone's watching you. You gotta do it." —Baxter, your Boxer.
17.A deodorizing shampoo that will eliminate any odor they have before they vengefully rub themselves on everything you own for taking too long to clean them.
18.A pet hair remover glove because if you're going to bother them with pets, at least be productive about it. *flips floppy ear*
19.A heated bowl to keep their water from freezing in the wintertime while they frolic in the snow. What did you expect? For them to eat yellow snow? Please.
20.A waterproof sweater so the second a snowflake falls, you're ready to take them outside without any pushback.
21.An LED rechargeable collar because they want to be SEEN, and will do everything for that attention. Oh, it's dark out? No problem. HERE I AM.
22.A pair of dog goggles to keep their precious eyeballs protected from the wind (and debris) while they stare out the window and contemplate how amazing they really are. Life's ruff when you're high-maintenance.
23.A container of eyewash pads for those pups who constantly get those nasty looking eye boogers on their fur. Royalty should always look the part.
24.A dog feeding reminder to make sure your doggo queen hasn't tried to trick you into more food. "Let me eat Kibble" —Puprie Antoinette.
25.A portable water bottle because did you actually expect them to drink out of a...*gag* lake? or a ...*barf* river? Please. Only filtered water, thanks.
26.A pack of can covers to protect their wet food from drying out and basically, according to your dog, becoming completely inedible.
27.A pint of ice cream mix you can make by just adding water and freezing. AKA the perfect treat after a long day of queenliness.
Your dog, probably 24/7.
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