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158 Thoughts We Had Watching The "MasterChef Australia" Finale

"Heston. What IS that?!"

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1. Literally this is the most dramatic music I have ever heard in my life.

2. That was an intense intro, wow.

3. Let's ask the real questions here: Why do they think "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry is still a relevant opening song?

4. I wish the opening credits was a montage of them burning themselves and crying when they fuck up, rather than like, happily cracking eggs open. I have never been that happy to crack an egg open.

5. My bet is on Billie, if only because she's more ~marketable~. Also she cries less.

6. And she's got great eyeliner.

7. TBH I wouldn't want to order food from someone who stresses out so much. Sorry Georgia.

8. "THIS ISN'T JUST COOKING"... I mean, it sort of is though.

9. OK when they walk in it's sooooort of like that final scene from Titanic???

10. Very long applauses happening here for the judges' speeches. No one has won yet, guys.

11. Also that's technically a fancy plate, not a trophy. "One of you will walk away with this… rather fancy plate."

12. OK, sob story time…

13. This sad sad music. YOU SHOULD BE CRYING!

14. Let's pause, for a time of reflection. *violins play*

15. Why does George look sad explaining how they'll crown the winner?

16. "Everything up until now has been a hors d'oeuvre." I am going to use this in my everyday life.

17. Aaaand Georgia cracks.

18. Billie: "I love seeing food come straight from the producer." This is where we differ Billie. I like seeing it come straight from the oven.

19. Lowkey regretting my decision to make my signature dish of "potato gems and aioli" for dinner.

20. Matt just shoved that strawberry all the way up his nose let's not put that back in the basket, yeah?

21. ...he put it back.

22. WHEN DO THEY ACTUALLY COOK?!

23. Can Matt and the produce get a room please.

24. It was very nice of the farmers to dress up all their produce like it's ready to star in a She and Him video. I'm sure that was 100% their idea.

25. Question: How does one "ban" bees from an island?

26. I want that cheese. Gimme dat cheese.

27. Wow Georgia's not crying. That's a first.

28. I kind of want a second dinner tbh.

29. "Pasta as a dessert might sound a little outlandish". I mean, that's an understatement.

30. Stop talking, you're under time pressure!

31. Billie wants to respect the strawberries. How does one "respect" the strawberries?

32. Do I need to show strawberries more respect? Am I too disrespectful to fruit in general?

33. Is it a true MasterChef episode without the judges looking at Georgia in a wary way?

34. There it is - Georgia's famous "is this a mistake?" face.

35. Drink every time Georgia is stressed.

36. We're 20 minutes into the episode and Georgie hasn't cried yet.

37. I'm giving it 10 more minutes.

38. It's a little awkward how many people are cheering for Billie vs. Georgia.

39. What's with the judges getting all up in the contestants grill while they're super busy?

40. Pun intended.

41. "Fuck off Matt now is not the time!" - me if I were Bille.

42. RESPECT THE PRODUCE, MATT. DON'T SLAP THEM!

43. Do the people on the balcony eat popcorn? I totally would.

44. …do they get to sit down at any point in the night?

45. Uh-oh, Billie didn't respect the strawberries!

46. There goes Georgia, looking Georgia-worried.

47. Real talk though sweet pasta sounds disgusting?????

48. Especially because it's essentially cheese ravioli covered in strawberry jam and pear cider. Blech.

49. TFW you're looking down on your shattered dreams:

50. Billie just realised that Matt mindfucked her when he was like "Georgia's being really inventive".

51. Onto Georgia and a full minute of the most intense eating faces you've ever seen in your life. Like, we get it. It was a risk to make a gross dessert pasta in the finale.

52. THE JUDGES DO NOT LOOK HAPPY WITH THIS "SWEET" PASTA.

53. WHAT A SURPRISE.

54. Georgia needs to take a valium. It's round one and she's way too tense FFS.

55. Oh god, the scoring… another 15 minutes of my life. BRB, just going to the shops to get a second dinner.

56. There's a lot of stage production (and fluff) in this finale.

57. "Most important day of your lives". The most overused phrase on this show.

58. Goddamn, there we go, Georgia's gone. Here come the tears.

59. Oop Billie's crying too.

60. WHAT IS HAPPENING GET IT TOGETHER LADIES WE'VE GOT ANOTHER SIX AND A HALF HOURS TO GO.

61. Can everyone just calm the hell down.

62. OK, the family visit happens every year. Don't tell me they didn't expect this.

63. "You have an open pantry and you have 90 minutes..." I wish that sentence ended with "to eat whatever you want!" that'd be my dream.

64. At least the family get to sit down and they're provided some water. Kids on the gantry have been standing for over an hour!

65. LOLOLOLOL Georgia's sister trying to catch up with her when she's under pressure. "So how've ya been, love?" (Not her actual words).

66. Here we go. Respecting strawberries, celebrating fennel, a tribute to mushrooms - how about we eat the goddamn food.

67. "I'm freaking out!" --*kaboom* *cuts to ad break* EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

68. OK tbh I think last night's episode had me more hooked.

69. "The mushroom is the hero of my dish" yes yes, well, the potato gems are the hero of mine.

70. Stop it now.

71. Awwww Billie's poppa.

72. "The time's just gone really really fast." - me to my teachers when I forgot to do homework.

73. Georgia's mum looks pissed.

74. Been waiting for her meal for over an hour, so I would be too tbh.

75. Or maybe because Gary keeps distracting Georgia!

76. Now I know where Georgia gets her neurosis - her mum looks way stressed.

77. So, what happens when you need to pee in the middle of the MasterChef final?

78. Ummmm awkward family dinner.

79. Do they even know Billie is standing there?

80. Billie may have used up all the fennel crops in all of Australia. It's out of stock at my local grocery.

81. Stop coaching, Georgia. Just, shush.

82. Uh oh. Uh oh she's gonna cry!!!! Stop it, mumma.

83. "Don't cry" says Geogia, as she cries.

84. SCORING! BRB.

85. Third and final round. Cue the more dramatic music and drawn out sentences.

86. Honestly though is this actually the score from Inception?

87. Follow up question: How many more Leo movies can I reference before the night is over?

88. Will they both die at the end, old sports?

89. Boom. That's four.

90. Heston looks like a priest. Dat entrance.

91. "Holy doolie" - Georgia has confirmed what we all knew. She's a 60-year-old woman on the inside.

92. OK what is this creation of Heston's???

93. I mean wtf, are you actually meant to eat that?

94. HOW do you eat that?

95. No seriously, do I eat this or hang it on my wall?

96. Heston lost me at "soil".

97. Recipe within a recipe within a recipe - food inception.

98. #Foodception.

99. I would totally eat at Fat Duck even just for this dessert. Seriously, what is this?

100. George: "What's the hardest component on the dish?" Heston: "LOL ERRYTHANG".

101. Heston: "It's not exactly the easiest thing" - forget the sweet pasta, now that is the biggest understatement of the century.

102. Heston, if your chefs need to go to a clinic after blowing sugar balls, someone needs to report you!

103. FIVE HOURS????????

104. This fucking show better not go on for another five hours I have work in the morning.

105. This is like the Oscars.

106. Just listening to this intense music makes me want to cry in fear for these girls.

107. I would not be good on this show. When I get stressed I like to take a nap, see how I feel when I wake up. This strategy would not work on this show. I bet I couldn't even get to sleep with all that damn music playing.

108. When Gary tells them to stop and takes the time to yell at them that they are behind schedule, do they actually stop the clock? Or does he just waste another few precious minutes of their time?

109. What the hell is happening, I'm so confused? What stage out of 55 are we up to?

110. Watching Georgia just gives me a lot of unnecessary stress.

111. Billie is nailing this!

112. I KNEW GEORGIA WAS GOING TO DROP SOMETHING, I JUST KNEW IT.

113. I just want to hug her, she looks so broken.

114. Come on Georgia… pick yourself up buddy! You're our favourite (teary) underdog!

115. I'm not crying there are onions in my potato gems.

116. I'm going to need therapy after this I'm so sad for Georgia even though I am on Team Billie????

117. LOL, cooking an epic MasterChef dessert and then a promo for Biggest Loser. #Straya

118. "Sugar ball. Sugar ball. Sugar ball. Sugar ball." - Billie right now.

119. All this fucking work and these girls don't even get to eat their work at the end of it.

120. I wouldn't be bothered with it tbh.

121. I don't recognise half the people on the balcony… were they even in the competition this year?

122. Oh hey, they're allowed water breaks!

123. Is this cooking or chemistry? WTF?

124. Is this even food?!

125. This is not food… she's pumping up gold with a tyre pump. Ummm.

126. Honestly, this is too much weird sciencey shit for my brain to comprehend at this time of night.

127. Ummm, you're wasting time by standing there crying Billie… you've wasted 40 minutes already!

128. Aw her Dad is crying my heart is breaking nooo.

129. George to the rescue!

130. It's not "cooking" tho, George. You need a masters in chemistry for this type of shit.

131. YAAASS KWEEN BILLIE GET THAT SUGAR BALL!!!

132. How unnerving for Georgia to hear the crowd cheering.

133. Georgia is so smart to ditch the sugar ball.

134. OMG these poor girls both look so traumatised.

135. PLEASE. Eat already.

136. I move that next year's finale be blind tasting. That's the only way this will be fair.

137. Umm why does this finale actually go for SO GODDAMN LONG??

138. ⅔ of this final is Matt Preston's monologue.

139. Then you cut to the ads and he's there narrating all the ads too.

140. He's EVERYWHERE.

141. He's GOD. Omnipresent.

142. Oh man, the suspense.

143. Will Billie make it?!

144. THIS IS SO INTENSE.

145. OMG HESTON GAVE HER 9 POINTS!!!

146. BILLIE WON!!

147. YAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS KWEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN!

148. Wow. What a come-from-behind victory!

149. $250,000 - enough to pay for all the therapy you'd need after making that concoction.

150. Also, for all the fennel you need to make your signature dishes.

151. And the special fee for respecting the strawberries.

152. "You're the most complete cook in MasterChef history" - Brent from last season is RIGHT THERE!

153. IS HESTON OFFERING HER A JOB AT FAT DUCK!?!?

154. HE IS!

155. What if Billie wanted to use her $250,000 to open her own venture?

156. Billie should just buy a boat tbh.

157. Or start her own strawberry farm. (But only if she respects them)

158. So... when's the next season?

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