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These Songs Will Get You Ready For Carnival 2016

Let a Trinidadian (and occasional DJ) guide you.

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Carnival in Trinidad and Tobago is almost here — in 2016, the main action happens on February 8 and 9.

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If you're one of the lucky thousands who'll be partying in the streets of Port of Spain and San Fernando, please don't even talk to me.

But if you're one of the millions who'll be crying into your rum because the cost of the flight and the costume was too much, make this the soundtrack to your tears.

Bunji Garlin, "Throw It Back (Sal Salazar Riddim)"

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Start light, start slow, start with a nod to kaiso.

Olatunji, "Seasonally (Gold Medal Riddim)"

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Olatunji has one of the best voices of any of the soca artists performing today, and insane dance moves. This song is the strongest on the Gold Medal Riddim, and it sneaks up on you. You'll be wining at your desk before you even realize it.

Machel Montano, "Road Trip"

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Machel 2015 — doing it like a boss. Machel 2016 — finding his roots (again). I appreciate the sparser arrangement of this one. May we all take a road trip, a cold sip, a slow chip.

Machel Montano, "Carnival Groupie"

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"I eh fete in so long think I have the feteing blues." This is me. This is all of us who did not make it home. This is the song we will wine to while weeping.

KES feat. Chris Hierro, "Body Talk"

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KES (The Band) feat. Chris Hierro is a multilingual banger that will mash up fetes from Port of Spain to Santo Domingo.

Destra, "Neckbreaker"

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There is no better Destra than rude Destra. And with "buss a wine to make a man break him neck," she has thrown down Carnival 2016's girl power gauntlet.

Skinny Fabulous, "Full Hundred"

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Every year, every fete, you see them: The epic squads who rolled up from Point, Rio, Mayaro, rocking matching T-shirts emblazoned with names like Thropype Crew and SuperMen. This is the song that will blast from their maxis as they hit the highway.

Denise Belfon, "Dismantle"

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You are not ready for Denise. You will never be ready for Denise. And you are probably not ready for the untouchable, flawless, baddis hot gyal squads for whom this will be the anthem.

Fete hard. Wine slow. Designate a driver. Go forth, and Carnival.