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"The man with the mustache told me to do it."

Order The Perfect Pizza And We'll Reveal Which John Mulaney Joke You're Most Like

Make A Pizza And We'll Tell You Which John Mulaney Joke You Are

"'Hey Dad, can I get a silver money clip with a $50 dollar bill in it, please? Don't worry, I'm only gonna chuck it into the gutter and run away at the first sign of trouble. The man with the mustache told me to do it.'"

Street smarts

"It's never happened before, no one knows what the horse is going to do next, least of all the horse. He's never been in a hospital before, he's as confused as you are"

Horse loose in the hospital

"Mr. Finch walks into the office and he's wearing a raincoat, and he walked in and he said, and I'm quoting, 'Ah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!' And the Mary yelled, 'Oh, duckings!' to which Mr. Finch replied: 'Too old to be a duckling. Quack, quack,' and walked into his office. I think about that every freaking day."

Too old to be a duckling

"I got home that night and my dad was still awake reading angry under one lamp. I went up to him and went 'Hey! I'm gonna be a Democrat. And I'm gonna vote for Bill Clinton.' And without looking up at me, my dad said, 'You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.'"

Moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

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Order The Perfect Pizza And We'll Reveal Which John Mulaney Joke You're Most Like

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Order The Perfect Pizza And We'll Reveal Which John Mulaney Joke You're Most Like

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