Hello, fellow humans. Are you wondering what to order for lunch? Have you been gaping at a menu for the last 45 minutes? Are you about to give up and order biryani, yet again? I'm here to help. Paneer is what you need right now.
1. First off, paneer is a many-faced god. If you're a believer, you'll find your favourite from a plethora of choices.
2. Paneer oft hangs out with its best friend: mint chutney. Together, they are invincible. Name a better duo, I'll wait.
3. When it assumes the form of chilly paneer, it becomes better than any sex you've ever had or ever will.
4. At any given day of the year, paneer can be more patriotic than you.
5. For years, paneer, being the well-intentioned entity that it is, has been single-handedly salvaging palak's reputation as an edible object.
6. Naysayers may hate on veg biryani calling it "pulav" or "fake joy" or whatever. But paneer drowns out that noise. Paneer is like earplugs for your mouth.
7. Sometimes, paneer gets playful. It hides under a coat of pakoda. But when you bite into it, your faith in all that's good, is restored.
8. As an ingredient, paneer made samosa, an already perfect food, even better.
9. Paneer isn't pretentious. It doesn't always need to veil itself with gravy for you to fall in love.
10. And even when it does surrender itself to gravy, it stands out as the best thing about the concoction.
11. You don't have to work hard to enjoy it. It just melts in your mouth.
12. Paneer gets along with sticky noodles better than I get along with my biological parents.
13. Non-believers may opine that keema and egg bhurji are where it's at, but paneer can get selflessly mashed just to have you know that you're missing out on so much.
14. Paneer-on-sticks has long been the saviour of many a shy teetotaller who showed up at a party because they were promised veg food.
15. Barbecued paneer makes outdated vegetables like bell peppers seem important.
16. By sheer power of illusion, it has made it easier for the vegetarians to gel with people guzzling down tandoori chicken beside them.
17. Paneer doesn't try to but has always been lowkey desirable to the non-vegetarian folk. Think back to all those times you ordered tandoori paneer and your bitch-ass non-veg friends ate most of it while sheepishly admitting to how good it tastes.
18. This is a plea to my meat-eating fellow humans. Open up your hearts (and menus) and order that mutter paneer, kadhai paneer, paneer butter masala, palak paneer, tandoori paneer or what have you. I swear you won't be let down.
Srishti Dixit is a Bollywood/celebrity writer for BuzzFeed and is based in Mumbai.
Contact Srishti Dixit at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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