Hello, everyone. You know me, I'm your old pal Srishti and also the resident Bollywood writer at BuzzFeed India. A few days ago, I made friends with Maximilian Zender, who is a writer for BuzzFeed Deutschland. Here are photos of our faces:
Being a woman of refined taste, I recommended Maximilian to watch the most grand, irreplaceable and inimitable cinematic marvel to have been birthed by the Indian film industry, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. He delved into it immediately.
This was the first Bollywood movie he'd watched in his entire life. Maximilian was thrilled. He had many interesting thoughts and feelings.
But most of all he had some pertinent questions about K3G, its characters, and our nation as a whole. So...
1.Do all Bollywood movies last almost as long as Titanic?
2.You call this a "house”?
3.What does this sign mean?
5.What about this gesture?
6.So why is there no real kissing?
7.The only kissing I saw (during the entire movie) was this. Is the neck where all the first base action happens in Bollywood?
8.Why are Anjali and her friend cracking nuts without eating them?
9.How often do you dance like this in the middle of a busy market square?
10.Are all people in Bollywood movies rich as fuck?
11.How often do these mishaps occur?
12.What's with all the wind indoors?
13.Can we talk about Anjali? Is she... clinically insane?
14.Do all the actors really sing their own songs?
15.Why is Shah Rukh Khan ALWAYS lurking in the background?
16.What's with the awkward ankle touching?
17.Why is Shah Rukh Khan always on the run?
18.WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. INSIDE. THIS. BAG?
19.Have you noticed that Shah Rukh Khan has been wearing the exact same shoes for about 10 years?
20.Is daddy wearing a wig?
21.Why is Shah Rukh Khan clapping like this DURING A NORMAL CONVERSATION?
22.Is this a turn on for you then?
23.What's on this tray?
24.And umm... are all Indian men mama's boys?
25.Does daddy have a thing for his potential daughter-in-law?
26.What kind of hair product does Rahul use? Gel, wax, pomade?
27.Do Indian fathers like their daughters as much as they like their sons?
28.Do a lot of women bleach their teeth in India? I mean those are perfect teeth.
29.Do normal businessmen in India really wear rings like that on both their hands?
30.Why are they doing this move all the time?
31.I have to know this: What is he eating there?
32.Please tell me, you too prefer the younger Rohan?
33.Pyramids in India? Where?
34.Oh and can you explain these oversized nose-rings women wear on their wedding days?
35.Why is Shah Rukh Khan not getting wet here? Is it because he's a demigod or something?
36.Do you always apologise like that?
37.Are people in India good at keeping secrets?
38.Do you have names for your dance moves? If so, what do you call this one?
39.So they just moved to London to complain about England and talk about how great India actually is?
40.Why do all the women in the U.K. sing, dance and dress like people from India?
41.Also are we just going to act like calling someone "Poo" is completely normal and not weird at all?