Hi. Here's the thing. I think Bollywood is deeply under-qualified to give its viewers believable, non-awkward, non-cringey kissing scenes. Despite being loaded with content on love and romance, Bollywood makes me want to give it "the talk". Here are some horrifying examples of how Bollywood thinks kissing works:
1. Sidharth Malhotra taking a bite out of Jacqueline Fernandez's face in A Gentleman.
I'm gonna be sick.
2. Hrithik Roshan ignoring everything but Aishwarya Rai Bachchan's lower lip in Dhoom 2.
I need to take a cold shower.
3. Arunoday Singh cautiously establishing and disconnecting contact with Sunny Leone's mouth in Jism 2.
Should I do shots of phenyl? I'm going for it.
4. Hrithik Roshan nibbling on Katrina Kaif's mouth in Bang Bang.
YUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!
5. Karisma Kapoor and Aamir Khan flattening each other's mouths in Raja Hindustani.
Stop doing that. NOBODY DOES THAT.
6. Emraan Hashmi moisturising Jacqueline Fernandez's chin in Murder 2.
I'm suddenly super aware of my own saliva and it's not going well.
7. Arjun Kapoor refusing to be a team player with Alia Bhatt in 2 States.
I want to surrender my mortal body to the Ganga.
8. Ranveer Singh trying to adopt Anushka Sharma's lower lip as his own in Band Baaja Baaraat.
Hey, how about you just kiss her forehead and fucking leave.
9. John Abraham attempting to take Kangana Ranaut's lower lip home in Shootout at Wadala.
Breaking News: My day is ruined.
10. Adhyayan Suman sending out his tongue to inspect the air before kissing Kangana Ranaut in Raaz 2.
BRB, cutting off my tongue.
11. Shah Rukh Khan converting into his wax statue in Jab Tak Hai Jaan.
The rumours are true. I'll never kiss another creature again.
