So about last night...
1. What exactly happened last night?
2. How much did I drink?
3.How did the night actually end?
4. Where am I?
5. Why are all the lights on?
6. Oh god I had a bloody nose!!!
7. Oh wait, no, that's just a pepperoni on my pillow
8. Why are my shoes still on?
9. Whose shoes are those?
10. Who is that?
11. [Looks at floor next to bed] I see we used protection. Go us.
12. Where can I find their ID to figure out their name?
13. Did I use my fake name last night?
14. Oh my god is that smell my breath?
15. Is that their breath?
16. Why do they have an extra toothbrush in their medicine cabinet?
17. How much longer can I sleep before they wake up and it's awkward?
18. I hope they leave and get us coffee soon.
19. I hope they don't expect to get brunch.
20. I wonder if this girl will drive me home.
21. What was that sound — that sounded like a child playing.
22. Oh my god they have children.
23. Oh wait, it came from outside.
24. This room is pretty nice.
25. But why does this person with a better job than me have three roommates?
26. Do any of my friends know where I am in case I'm kept prisoner?
27. Whose bunny is that?
28. I'm gonna steal that cat.
29. Am I positive I wore two socks out last night?
30. What happens now?
31. Do I ask for their number?
32. Can we just skip to the part where we start dating and we settle down?
33. How do I get home from here?
34. Should I have left earlier?
35. Did they even want me to sleep over? Or did I just fall asleep?
36. How do I get blood stains out?
37. I wonder if anyone at work will notice I'm wearing the same thing today.
38. This is why Don Draper always keeps extra clothes at work.
39. Did I leave my underwear?
40. Oh no, I left my underwear.
41. Should I go back and get my underwear?
42. Nope. My underwear's gone forever.
43. I can't believe she left the bar and didn't say goodbye.
44. What am I going to say to my mom when she calls and asks what I did last night?
45. Why is my bag filled with mini chocolates?
46. Phone! Keys! Wallet! We made it out alive!
47. But wait, my phone screen isn't cracked, right?
48. Nope, just concealer.
49. Where is there an iPhone 5 charger I can use?
50. [Looks at recent text messages] Who is "Jeremy From Last Night" in my phone book?!
51. Oh no. I texted her.
52. I guess I won last night.
53. I'm never drinking again.
54. OMG DID I GET A TATTOO?!
55. PHEW! Just Sharpie.
56. The guys are gonna love this story.
57. Life is complicated, y'all.
58. I don't think I like being naked anymore.
59. Everything hurts.
60. Help. Please help.
61. I hate myself and want to die.
62. Why did I call my uncle?
63. Who was that weirdo that showed up?
64. Did I eat a burrito?
65. How did I acquire this neon green stain?
66. Who do I need to apologize to today?
67. Did I close my tab at the bar?!?!
68. I don't care if I smell like booze, I'm going to the gym anyway.
69. How many Nurofen Pluses are too many?
70. I'm too old for this.
71. Who fed the cat last night?
72. I can't believe I walked away with only a misdemeanor.
73. Hope someone took pictures.
74. I feel nothing.
75. Why is everything so bright?
76. Where are my sunglasses?
77. How do I live?!
78 I'm so tired.