1. She's not afraid of jailtime:
Whereas you can't even watch Orange Is the New Black because "it's too scary!"
2. She's Steve Carell's favorite person:
He doesn't even know about poor ol' you!
3. Ryan Gosling wants to work with her:
Ryan wants you to stop saving potato chips when you think they look like his face.
4. She has a back-up plan in case the whole acting thing doesn't work out:
5. She's a real thespian, with real props:
6. She makes her parents proud:
Your parents are still waiting for you to learn where the stamp goes on an envelope.
7. She gets to motorboat Helen Mirren:
8. She can answer her doctor's "when was your last...?" questions with authority:
You just stutter and hope your toenails know the answer to "when was your last tetanus shot?"