1. She’s not afraid of jailtime:
Whereas you can’t even watch Orange Is the New Black because “it’s too scary!”
2. She’s Steve Carell’s favorite person:
He doesn’t even know about poor ol’ you!
3. Ryan Gosling wants to work with her:
Ryan wants you to stop saving potato chips when you think they look like his face.
6. She makes her parents proud:
Your parents are still waiting for you to learn where the stamp goes on an envelope.
She would toast to you…
…but you haven’t cleared your calendar for Eric Jonrosh’s The Spoils of Babylon on Thursday, January 9 at 10/9c on IFC.