We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their worst threesome experience. Here are the hilariously cringe-worthy results.
1. The unexpected facial:
I was in a threesome with two guys who happened to be friends. One of them insisted I blow him while riding the other one. He pushed my head really hard into him, right as he was about to cum, which made me choke and pull away. This made all of his cum spray right onto his buddy’s face, and a bit got into his mouth. I will always wonder if their friendship survived that sperm facial.
2. The surprise visit:
My friend and I figured out when her parents would be away, and we invited a boy from the water polo team to join us. It was going well until her mom came home early and walked in on us. Her mom happened to be a sex therapist (she had a radio show and everything), so she tried to talk to all of three us about what we were “engaging in.” I hid under the covers and pretended it wasn’t happening. That was how I lost my virginity.
3. The bloody dripper:
It was late at night and really dark in the room. The other girl was sitting on my face, and she was really wet, so I was excited, but all of a sudden the guy was like, “Um, what’s on your chest?” She apparently just started her period and her blood was all over me.
4. The lonely lover:
My pals and I wanted to get kinky, and I ended up wearing the dog’s collar and was leashed to the bed post. Eventually the sex sort of migrated from one end of the bed to the other, and I couldn’t reach either of them. I was like, “Uh… guys?” But they were too busy to notice. I ended up sitting on the edge of the bed and awkwardly watched my two friends have sex, just out of my reach.
5. The pizza pleaser:
During a threesome, a friend of mine came in and sat down with pizza and just watched. That was fine and was pretty normal at the time. Then she got the bright idea to put marinara sauce on my boob and gave commentary, like it was a baseball game. We kicked her out so fast because it killed the mood. We look back and laugh at this now.
6. The ultimate butt dial:
One time I was messing around with two friends, and the boy had his phone in his pocket. He accidentally pocket-dialed his mom, and we left a long message...
7. The milky surprise:
I once had a threesome, and the other woman had a baby roughly a year prior. In my alcohol-induced state I went for a nipple and got a huge gulp of breast milk.
8. The purple nurple:
I had nipple tape on so I could go bra-less that day, and when the guy ripped the tape off it left a permanent purple mark on my nipple. FML.
9. The holy sinner:
Years ago my fiancé planned a threesome with a guy and his girlfriend. The guy was "a good Christian boy,” and he started stripping down immediately. My fiancé stopped him to go over rules, and the guy said, “Great! Because there's something I want to say.” The almost-naked guy pulled a full-size Bible from the back of his boxers and started preaching, saying what we were doing was wrong. The night ended with the guy's girlfriend sobbing on my fiancé’s lap. To this day we refer to him as Ass-Bible Sam.
10. The naughty nibbler:
It was myself, my spouse, and a woman who has never been with another woman before. He was having sex with her from behind while she went down on me. He thrusted very hard and she accidentally CHOMPED down on my clit.
11. The allergic reaction:
My first threesome ever was awesome...until we finished. After playing around on the bed, I had an allergic reaction to their dog. My eyes swelled up and I got hives all over my body, just in time for my job interview the following morning.
12. This Star Trek experience:
Both guys were in full Spock cosplay when I showed up. Still had sex.
13. The angry blow job:
I went on a Grindr hookup with two other guys, and none of us had met before. Two of us were really enjoying it, but the third guy, who was hosting the threesome, seemed kinda uninterested. We kept trying to get him into it, both of us going down on him, but then we heard strange, cartoonish sounds above our heads. We looked up and realized he was playing Angry Birds on his phone. The two of us left immediately and went to my place.
—Seth Traver, Facebook
14. The sneaky ex:
I was in high school and snuck out around 2 a.m. to meet two boys. My most recent ex at the time called me in the middle of the threesome, and I foolishly answered. He got super jealous and called my parents to tell them what I was doing. My parents then drove and picked me up. It was so awkward.
15. And this insane game-changer:
A friend of a friend had a threesome with her husband and another guy, and she got pregnant with the other guy's baby.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.