We asked nurses and doctors in the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the worst thing they've witnessed in the ER. Here are the genital horror stories.
1. A Barbie doll's arm:
"The craziest thing was when a man came in with a Barbie doll's arm stuck in his urethra (pee hole). Apparently, he ordered a sex doll off eBay, and when it arrived it was actually a Barbie doll. He was so angry that he ripped off the doll's arm and shoved it up his penis."
2. A knife:
"A lady came in with a knife still in her vagina. She claimed that an intruder assaulted her, but the area was not bleeding; it was as if the knife was slid into her. She later revealed that she did it herself to 'get revenge' on her boyfriend..."
3. A potato:
"My stepgrandma was a gynecologist. She once had an older woman come in, and at one point they took X-rays. Apparently the woman had a potato growing in her uterus. INSIDE OF HER UTERUS!"
4. A flashlight:
"My adoptive mom who was a nurse once had a patient who came in with a flashlight stuck up his butt. He claimed that he accidentally fell on it, but he had a history of 'falling' on objects that way."
5. A crochet needle:
"A coworker of mine had a patient who decided to stick a crochet needle up his penis while drunk. The urologist on call had to surgically remove the object."
6. A Lego butt plug:
"A guy tried to make a butt plug out of Lego and duct tape, and got it stuck in his ass. I wish I was kidding."
7. A lightbulb:
"My mom always remembers the guy who put a lightbulb up his ass. I asked her how they got it out, and her response was, 'With great difficulty.'"
8. A giant dildo:
"One night a man came in with the biggest black dildo I have ever seen shoved in his butt. We actually had to follow him around while holding a bucket under his ass. When it was finally removed, his partner asked us to clean it off and said, 'We're going to need that back,' and then she winked at me."
9. A live rat:
"A man came into the ER, blue in the face, looking like he was about to die. They checked all over his body but couldn't figure out what was wrong. They flipped him over and saw a TAIL coming out of his butthole. After doing a CT scan, they found a rat inside his rectum. The rat bit off part of his colon, and the man was suffering from internal bleeding, which is why his face turned blue. Apparently the man decided to place a condom over the live rat to suffocate it and then place it up his butt so its breathing would hit his prostate and he would feel pleasure. The man made a full recovery, but the poor rat died."
10. A carrot:
"I work at the gastrointestinal lab at a local hospital. We were doing a colonoscopy on a guy who had a carrot stuck up his butt...that his wife put there. We weren't able to remove it, so he had to go into surgery. The colon is curved, people. Don't shove straight, long things up there that aren't flexible."
11. A shower head:
"I once had a guy come in with a shower head up his butt. He had the whole hose trailing behind him like a tail as well."
12. A ballerina figurine:
"My friend is a nurse in the ER. One time a guy came in and complained that something was stuck in his urethra. He said it hurt too bad to take out, and he ultimately started bleeding from there. Turns out it was a little ballerina figurine from a music wind-up jewelry box. Wow."
13. A toy lizard:
"I once had a patient come in with stomach pains. I took an X-ray of his abdomen and asked what happened. He told me he didn't know. I hung his X-ray on the light box and saw that there was a toy lizard in his rectum."
14. A bloody cucumber:
"A patient came to the ER because he had a cucumber stuck in his rectum. Before he decided to come in, he tried to get it out WITH A KNIFE. The doctor came out of the room with a very large, bloody cucumber."
15. A long piece of floss:
"A prisoner came in with penis issues. Turned out he shoved a piece of floss really far up his urethra, just so he could get out of his cell."
16. A set of tongs:
"I'm a nurse in an ER. One day a woman came waddling in with a set of tongs stuck between her legs. She used them to masturbate and inserted the tongs into her vagina. The clip that holds the tongs shut opened, and the tongs became hopelessly lodged into her vagina. She had to be taken to the operating room to have them surgically removed and nearly perforated her uterus."
17. And Campbell's beef soup:
"A woman would put Campbell's beef soup in her vagina because her boyfriend liked to eat it from there. We had to fish out a potato that was lodged in there."