14 Poop Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Better About Yourself
1. Submitted by Charles Murphy (Facebook)
When I was 12 my family went to Disney World. We decided to go swimming, and after I jumped in, I felt a huge rumble in my stomach and a sharp pain. I then I felt a huge fart coming on, and I decided to let it rip. It was absolutely the wrong decision. I filled my shorts with slimy diarrhea. I was afraid to turn around and see the brown-stained pool, but to my pure joy, nothing was there. The mesh in my swim trunks had caught it all. I slowly swam to the steps and ran to the pool bathroom, which was a single large room with a single toilet and a sink. I ran over to the toilet and pulled down my pants and all the shit fell all down my legs and all over the floor. I then had to shit again, so I sat down and unloaded the rest. I then started the clean-up process. As I started cleaning my legs, the door started to open (I forgot to lock the door) and I started yelling "NO, NO, NO! SOMEONE IS IN HERE!" A man entered and he looked me right in the eyes and then looked down and straight back up, and he slowly backed out. I waddled over to the door, leaving a trail of diarrhea behind me, and locked it. I spent the next 15 minutes cleaning up everything. I washed my trunks in the sink and ran back to my hotel room and took the longest shower of my life.
2. Submitted by Greg Benjoseph (Facebook)
Last year I was hiking with my friend, and I suddenly had diarrhea. There was really nowhere hidden to go, and I couldn't wait, so I stepped as far off the fire-road near the edge of basically a cliff and started pooping. In the middle of my poop a middle-aged guy who was hiking walked up about 10 feet away from me and started watching. I said, "I'm sorry but this is an emergency." He just stood there and said: "I wanted to see the view," and he's watching me poop. There was nothing I could do because I was shitting diarrhea.
3. Submitted by Vdubbs
I work at a Country Club and during an outside tournament a man actually crapped his pants on hole 13. Then he decided to take his boxers off and throw them in the creek. He then FINISHED the round of golf and showered the remenants of his crap off in our locker room showers and called his wife on his flip phone on the patio to tell her loudly what had happened. Classy at its finest.
4. Submitted by Lindsey K. Hubbard (Facebook)
Recently, my husband and I went out for our 12th anniversary dinner. It was sushi and an hour's drive away. Afterward, we stopped at a store about 30 minutes from home. The need to go RIGHT FUCKING NOW hit me like a freight train. The idea of going #2 anywhere but at my home is my nightmare. I tried - I really did - but to no avail, so I forced him to leave the store and head home for poop Armageddon. The urgent need seemed to have passed at first, but within ten minutes of the car ride it hit again. I was sweating, writhing in my seat, and literally bawling in agony. I begged him to drive faster. JUST GET ME HOME. It was a disaster. I will save you the gory details, but I didn't make it. It happened...in the car...in my pants. I was crushed, mortified, and suffering. I thought my life had hit an all-time low. That is, until I turned around to see that my asshat husband had been RECORDING the entire event on his cell phone.
5. Submitted by Kimosa.
My former coworker was alone at the office while the rest of us were out of town at a conference. She had some horrific gas and decided to go ahead and let it out since no one was there. To her shock and horror, she realized she had "followed through" in her white pants. Our office shared a restroom with various businesses on the same floor, so leaving our suite with shit-stained white pants wasn't really an option. She decided that the best way to go was to use the kitchen area to wash out her pants and underwear as best she could. She locked the office door, stripped down, and started scrubbing away. Naked from the waist down, and scrubbing poo out of her drawers, she looks up and sees one of her very hot bosses standing there. He had decided to come back early from his trip. She grabs a plastic Office Depot bag, puts it in front of her bare twat, and screams: "Charley! Nooo!" He replies, "It's OK. I have sisters." Her response? "Well, obviously I am very sick!" She runs into one of the offices, locks the door behind her, and puts the wet clothes on. Charley takes pity on her and gives her cab fare to get home. Had he not shown up, she was going to take the train, but it still would have been preferable to him seeing her in all her glory.
6. Submitted by Amanda Suzanne Taylor (Facebook)
I have a friend who works in the ER. He told me a story about a patient who came in with a severe case of constipation who probably hadn't gone for about two weeks and was in excruciating pain. He'd tried everything, and nothing would relieve him. So my friend realized that he was going to have to digitally disimpact him (ew, that means a finger in the dude's butt). So he goes out, gears up in full trauma gear (gown, shoe covers, gloves, mask, eye shield, cap, the works), because he knows that two weeks worth is probably going to have some pressure behind it once he gets started. Well, he ended up extremely glad that he did suit up. After it was all over, he was COVERED in shit. He went and showered, but when he came back to the ER, all of his friends were laughing. He was wondering what the hell was so funny, when they directed him to go back to the room where he performed the procedure. There was a perfect silhouette of him IN CRAP. It took him a while to live that down.
7. Submitted by Sarah Gotham (Facebook)
I pooped my pants in a farting contest in the car on a road trip when I was, like, seven. My mom would not pull over, so I had to ride standing up with shit in my pants for 30 minutes.
8. Submitted by Chadc4b5e2bed5
I spent several years in the Navy, and I was standing an armed watch one Saturday morning. I had a 9mm strapped to my thigh and a guard belt around my waist, so I wasn't in a position to get to a toilet quickly. I had brought some snacks from 7-11 with me, namely the buffalo chicken rollers, and I had about three of them before I armed up. About two hours later, I got hit with a strong pain in my stomach and had to get another watch-stander to cover my post. I made it to the nearest head (the bathroom on a ship) in record time and broke every gun safety rule in existence as I threw it in the corner by the toilet and got on the toilet. The burning pain in my ass was unlike anything I had ever felt! It took 45 minutes to stand up safely without worrying about anything else coming out, and when I got back to my post, everybody thought I had passed out in there.
9. Submitted by Baileydf2a42ff9
When I was 12, another family was taking care of me at a soccer tournament and after me and my friend had lunch they decided to take us to the dollar store to pass the time. Well after nearly shitting my pants on the way to the bathroom at the dollar store, I totally sharted in her car and then continued to pray no one could smell it.
10. Submitted by Delaneym468fbf44d
We were visiting a place called Sliding Rock on my seventh grade field trip to North Carolina, which is pretty much a big natural water slide made of rock. I was standing in line waiting to slide down when suddenly my bowels felt that they needed to be moved. So, in accordance with the girls' bathroom buddy system, I asked my friend to come with me. The bathroom was locked, but at that point my poop was touching cloth and I could not hold it in much longer. My friend told the counselor that I had to ~GO~ to the bathroom, hoping she would help us find one. My counselor said: "Just go down the rock slide - it'll all come out naturally!" That was not an option. The last thing I would do was go down the slide and stand up at the bottom with a big turd hanging from my bathing suit bottoms. I had to improvise, for the sake of my reputation. Thinking quickly, I found the nearest ashtray and pulled down my bottoms and let it all out. It only took about 30 minutes for all the kids in my grade to find out that I was the one who delivered the big brown gift sitting in the ashtray. And that's how I got stuck with the nickname Smokey Butt.
11. Submitted by Denise M. Ross (Facebook)
A few years ago I was pet-sitting two large cats and I accidentally locked myself out of the house and of course I really needed to take a dump. I could not go to a neighbors house because I was only wearing t-shirt. Luckily, the cats litter box was in the garage so I did my business there, covered it with kitty litter, and called a locksmith. I cleaned it up later.
12. Submitted by Paiges11
I was at Thanksgiving dinner with my boyfriend at his grandparents' house. I had to go #2, so I snuck off to do my business. I dropped one good turd, and I was happy that it wasn't a lot and it didn't smell. I like to be discreet, ya know? But when I flushed the toilet, water filled the bowl! I guess it was stopped up from everyone else who had used it before me. So there was the toilet bowl, filled to the brim with my one tidy poo floating at the top. I looked around for a plunger and there was no plunger in the bathroom! What the hell kind of home was this with no plunger in the bathroom? I did not want to leave this bathroom without getting rid of this turd, so I started looking around for a solution. At first, I thought that I could smoosh it down the bathroom drain, but there were too many tiny holes and that would just cause an even bigger mess. Then I noticed the bathroom window! I grabbed my turd out of the toilet with a paper towel and tossed it out the window. They had a dog, so if anyone were to happen upon the turd, they'd just think the dog did it. Success!
13. Submitted by Katie VanderWal (Facebook)
My husband, dog, and six-week-old baby and I were on a road trip from Texas to Michigan. I hadn't pooped in those six weeks after her birth. Suddenly, in the Middle of Nowhere, Missouri, I felt the urge to poop. I yelled at my husband to find a toilet, but there was no place to pull over because we were in the middle of nowhere on Highway 55. All of a sudden, I felt it squeezing out of my clenched butt cheeks. I screamed at him to pull over and when he finally did, I let loose on the side of the highway. The dog kept trying to escape out of the car, so I was literally holding the dog back while shitting my brains out. Meanwhile, the baby is screaming to be fed, my husband is handing me at wipes from the back of the car (laughing his ass off as he's doing so), and I'm scared a cop is going to nail me for indecent exposure. Now, every time we make that drive, we take a picture of mile marker 55 on Highway 55!
14. Submitted by Petraz
My husband and I bought a run-down house to fix up. There was no plumbing, so we had to drive to the local McDonald's only three miles away. We had carpet guys installing carpeting, when all the sudden I started sweating and I felt a hot tidal wave of diarrhea sloshing around in the depths of my large intestine and colon. As I was wiping the sweat off my forehead with the bottom of my t-shirt, the carpet guy was talking to me. I couldn't take it any longer and wasn't about to shit in front of this guy and on the new carpet. Crying, I ran into the garage, since this would be the only place to get relief because there was no way I was going to make it to the three mile drive to McDonald's. My eyeballs were furiously darting around the entire perimeter of the garage to find something I could crap in. The five-gallon white pickle bucket was my only option. While whimpering like a wounded dog, I quickly dumped the tools out of the large pickle bucket, ripped down my shorts, and shat in that bucket. It was a violent, explosive, 90-degree spray that ended rather quickly; which was a relief. Meanwhile, I kept hearing distant cries of the carpet men from the house: "Ma'am? Where are you, are you okay?" Which I replied in a hurried, "I'm fine!!! I'll be there in a minute!!!"
I proceeded to stand up, but the 90 degree shat spray created a vacuum seal around by entire ass, and the bucket was hopelessly suction-cupped around my entire bum. This bucket was efficiently moving from side to side with me as I moved from side to side in a mid-air perma-squat as I, once again, in complete horror and disgust, darted my tear-filled eyes around the perimeter of the garage to figure out how the hell was I going to remove this bucket off my ass. And once I got it off, I already knew I was going to need a lot of toilet paper to wipe an entire 12 inch filled-circle of liquified shit off my entire buttocks and female junk region.
Finally, with hands death-gripped on each side of this bucket and some wiggling, grunting, and tugging, the bucket gave up the fight. With liquified shat running down my sweaty legs, I grabbed the dirty clothes in the laundry basket a few feet away and did a lot of wiping, crying, and swearing. I threw the sacrificial shat-covered socks and t-shirts in the bucket and sprinted back to the house. My tear-soaked eyes must have said it all.