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10 Poop Horror Story "Would You Rather" Questions That Are Impossible To Answer

Never trust a fart.

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We asked the BuzzFeed Community for their diarrhea horror stories. The responses were so funny and cringeworthy that I turned them into a "Would You Rather" game. Good luck.

The shitty second date:

I was on a second date. We were driving back from dinner, and I felt my stomach cramp up. I pled for him to pull over on the interstate. He questioned if I was OK, but I couldn’t even answer because I was puckering my buttcheeks so tightly. Lo and behold, I shit my pants. Diarrhea came up to my back, above my jeans. It was awful. But that man is now my husband.

jacquelynnc

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The airplane tooter:

While on an airplane, five days' worth of spicy Costa Rican food came shooting out of me, filling the toilet nearly to the brim. Most airplane toilets have a graphic that tells you to close the lid before flushing. I did not heed this warning. I flushed and found myself covered in diarrhea. There was diarrhea on the ceiling, on every wall, and all over me. I did my best to clean up, but nothing could hide the stench when I returned to my seat.

golf46

  1. I'd rather experience...

    The shitty second date
    The shitty second date
    The airplane tooter
    The airplane tooter

10 Poop Horror Story "Would You Rather" Questions That Are Impossible To Answer

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  1. The shitty second date
     
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    The shitty second date
  2. The airplane tooter
     
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    The airplane tooter

The mac 'n' cheese mistake:

It was the first day of volleyball practice, and I ate an entire pot of mac ‘n’ cheese. We were running laps outside and I had to poop. The school was closed, so I moved to the woods as quickly as my clenched butt would let me, but there was nothing that could stop the watery mess that was exploding from my asshole. I was forced to sit in my own messy shit and explain to my coach that my soul died. My mom had to come pick me up. Knowing that standing up would cause the poop to slide down my legs, I opted for a crab walk across the field to her car. Everyone knew why.

k45b3f

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  1. I'd rather be...

    The pooper
    The pooper
    The mom
    The mom
    The car seat
    The car seat

10 Poop Horror Story "Would You Rather" Questions That Are Impossible To Answer

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I'd rather be...
  1. The pooper
     
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    The pooper
  2. The mom
     
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    The mom
  3. The car seat
     
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    The car seat

The constipated camper:

I was at an all-girls camp, and we had a hot male leader. I was pretty constipated one day, so the nurse gave me something to help. Later on I went into the corner of the cafeteria to fart, but shit ran down my legs and onto the floor. The hot male leader was coming, and I didn’t know what to do, so I dumped a can of tomato sauce on my lower body to make it seem like I spilled something. He totally knew, because the first thing he said was, “Did you poop?”

oliviavincentk

The gooey finish:

My boyfriend and I had sex after eating some really spicy pizza. I was coming, and naturally all of my muscles were very relaxed, when I suddenly smelled something bad. I instinctively touched my behind and to my horror I felt some goo. I freaking shat on my boyfriend’s balls. I ran to the bathroom, crying. Luckily we were able to laugh about it.

nannas47

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  1. I'd rather take...

    The constipated camper
    The constipated camper
    The gooey finish
    The gooey finish

10 Poop Horror Story "Would You Rather" Questions That Are Impossible To Answer

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  1. The constipated camper
     
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    The constipated camper
  2. The gooey finish
     
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    The gooey finish

The drunken disaster:

I got drunk and had my boyfriend pick me up from a party. I vomited the whole car ride home, out the window and onto people’s lawns. When I got back to his house we noticed I smelled really bad and that I had shat my pants. I was wearing stockings so it was smushed everywhere. He had to give me a shower. I was so drunk and was crying, saying, “Please don’t break up with me!”

arielleb41

The pool drainer:

I was 5 years old while on a family vacation, and my sister and I decided to go swimming. I really had to fart, so I swam to the side and let it rip. Big mistake. I had uncontrollable diarrhea in the pool. My mom had to carry me to the hotel bathroom as I leaked, and she bathed me because there was diarrhea everywhere. Long story short: They had to drain the hotel pool because of me.

alyssaf49

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  1. I'd rather be...

    The boyfriend
    The boyfriend
    The mom
    The mom

10 Poop Horror Story "Would You Rather" Questions That Are Impossible To Answer

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I'd rather be...
  1. The boyfriend
     
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    The boyfriend
  2. The mom
     
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    The mom

The mommy mishap:

I have two kids under the age of 3. My stomach was so ridiculously messed up one day that I barely made it in the house with both kids in the kitchen. I knew I wasn't going to make it upstairs, so I panicked. My first instinct was to pull down my pants and sit over the trash can. The force blew the bag half off and shit literally ran down the inside of the can. The look on my 2 1/2-year-old's face was of absolute disgust. The next day, he told everyone that mommy pooped in the garbage can.

—Leanna Williams, Facebook

The garden hose:

I was 10 and eating dinner with family when the bubble guts hit me. I tried to be cool, but a storm was a-brewin’. I puckered my butt and pushed back into the chair in hopes of smothering it, but the accidental pressure made the poop shoot out, like putting a finger on a garden hose. It shot up my dress and hit me in the back. I think I actually died a little that day.

—Aileen Manzano, Facebook

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  1. I'd rather have...

    The mommy mishap
    The mommy mishap
    The garden hose
    The garden hose

10 Poop Horror Story "Would You Rather" Questions That Are Impossible To Answer

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I'd rather have...
  1. The mommy mishap
     
    vote votes
    The mommy mishap
  2. The garden hose
     
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    The garden hose

Double, double, soil and trouble:

My mom and her friend had food at a questionable diner. While on their way home, it hit my mom. She raced inside and tried to take off her jacket and pants together to save time. The arm of her jacket got caught in the back door, which pinned her in place for just long enough to realize her battle was lost. She got her shitty self free and duck-waddled to the bathroom to finish and clean up. Apparently her friend also had a similar situation, only the friend never even made it into the house. She got stuck by her own car door and pooped right there in her driveway.

—Amie Nogrady, Facebook

  1. I'd rather be...

    The mom
    The mom
    The friend
    The friend

10 Poop Horror Story "Would You Rather" Questions That Are Impossible To Answer

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I'd rather be...
  1. The mom
     
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    The mom
  2. The friend
     
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    The friend

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