23 Shocking, Gross, And Wild Horror Stories That'll Make You Feel Better About Yourself
"We were hooking up, and he accidentally SHARTED in my mouth."
1. This crappy threesome:
It was my 38th birthday. My friend Denise and I took a guy back to her place for some fun, and he revealed that he loved getting eaten out. Denise wasn't having it, but I'd done it before, and this guy was 100% grade-A beef, so I said okay. He got on his back, and Denise sat on his face. I pushed his knees toward his chest and went to town on his bootyhole, kissing and licking it, until he accidentally SHARTED in my mouth. I quickly sterilized my mouth with the rest of the vodka and left. I haven't seen either of them since.
2. This wild wedding objection:
I was at a wedding between my really good friend and her fiancé. They had been together for nearly four years. In the middle of the ceremony, my brother, who was a year younger than the groom, stood up and yelled, “We can’t live this lie anymore, Will [the groom]!” He ran up to the front of the chapel and kissed the groom. Instead of objecting, the groom kissed him back and professed his love to him. The bride immediately burst into tears and ran out of the chapel.
3. This cashier's last day:
A disheveled little old lady placed what looked like a chunk of orange gumdrop on the counter. I asked, "What is that?" She said, "It’s a piece of my foot."
—Britt Kaetzel, Facebook
4. This sibling rivalry:
I was unemployed for a couple of months after I graduated high school and was sending out resumes like crazy, but I never got a single call back and didn't know why. Little did I know, my brother had edited my resume and added things like "failed Biology," "not very friendly," "barely graduated high school," "hates people," and so on. It wasn't until I printed a few more to hand out that I saw what he did.
5. This diarrhea nightmare:
I was in college and on antibiotics, which were wreaking havoc on my digestive system. After a party I went to my crush's dorm. I kept everything above the waist, for fear of losing control over my intestinal muscles. He suggested I sleep over, which I unwisely agreed to. When I was sure he was asleep, I very carefully parted my butt cheeks to release the most silent fart possible, but liquid hell came out. I could feel my skirt and underwear barely holding the mess. He woke up, blissfully unaware of what just happened two inches from his, um, package. I needed to escape, so in my poop-induced panic I gave him a hand job as a distraction and then left. I walked home with liquid shit running down my legs. Ended up dating the guy for three years.
7. This piercing incident:
My friend got both of his nipples pierced with large hoops, and he had unfortunate situations with both. The first one happened when he was playing volleyball and went to spike the ball over the net. It got caught, and as he fell, his piercing violently ripped out. A few months later, he was in one of those stand-up tanning booths and got the piercing caught on the cage that protects you from the tanning bulbs. Someone opened the door to check on him and it ripped out.
—Gracie Tiesma, Facebook
8. This surgeon's final straw:
I did surgery on a guy who, on his 21st birthday, got drunk and high and decided to sit on the edge of a large fish tank. The glass broke and SLICED OFF HIS ENTIRE BUTT CHEEK! It was bad. There was literally a whole flap of butt meat hanging on by a little bit of skin.
11. This hotel employee's terror:
I was cleaning rooms in a small, Midwestern hotel. There'd been a rodeo over the weekend, and the rooms were absolutely gross. One particularly messy bathroom was covered in blood. SO. MUCH. BLOOD. When I reached behind the toilet to wipe the floor, I found something hard and small, like a pebble. I opened my rag to see what it was, and IT WAS A FINGERTIP. SOMEONE HAD SEVERED THEIR FINGERTIP. We still don't know what happened.
12. This savage grandmother:
I was playing piano for my family when I was around five years old. When I finished, I noticed that everyone was clapping except for my grandmother. When I asked her why, she said, "I only clap if it's good."
—Stephanie Gensburg, Facebook
13. This roommate horror story:
I came home one morning at 7 a.m. to get ready for work. There was a towel in the bathtub that was still kind of wet and had sand all over it, so I wrung it out and hung it over our patio balcony. I didn't think too much about it, but I later asked my roommate if she had fun at the beach. Confused, she replied, "I didn't go to the beach. My girlfriend and I tried cocaine and threw up in the bathtub last night."
14. This bridesmaid's ordeal:
My fiancé left me for my maid of honor on our wedding day. She later had the nerve to ask me to be in their wedding! In a horrifying twist, my ex-fiancé ended up leaving her for one of her own bridesmaids! She then came to me a month later and said she was pregnant with his baby.
16. This messy Disney World experience:
I worked custodial for a few months at Disney World. Someone reported a weird dust/sand on one of the rides, so I had to clean it up. When I arrived, we realized that someone decided to spread their loved one's ashes on the ride. Yes, the ride had to be closed down and cleaned. I don't care how much your dear Aunt Mary loved Disney, but The Haunted Mansion ride is NOT a good place for her ashes!
—Laurie Wilson Keller, Facebook
17. This big-dick catastrophe:
I invited a guy over for a blow job. He whipped it out, and that man was packing what I was craving: thicker than the circumference of my wrist and at least eight inches! I was doing the deed, and he began pounding my face. He pulled his cock out of my mouth, and it was covered in my blood. He literally destroyed my throat! But I ain't no bitch.
18. This dark family secret:
My brother and his ex-wife were swingers, and she happened to get pregnant. Ever since their daughter was born, we've had a family friend who always – I mean always – came to the child's big life events, like birthdays and recitals. It wasn't until recently when someone pointed out how similar that child and our family friend looked. I’ve tried asking questions, but no one will give me a straight answer, so I’m convinced she’s not my brother's kid!
20. This nurse's unforgettable night:
The wildest thing I've seen in the ER was when a man came in with a Barbie doll's arm stuck in his urethra (pee hole). Apparently, he ordered a sex doll off of eBay, and when it arrived it was actually a Barbie doll. He was so angry that he ripped off the doll's arm and shoved it up his penis.
21. This awful hangover:
My cheap red wine hangover was so bad that my mom literally had to give me medicine in my butthole. I couldn't keep any food or medicine down without throwing up, so my mom took one for the team and gave me a pain-reliever rectal suppository. Thanks, Mom. Sorry for bringing shame on the family.
22. This diabolical catfish:
A few years ago, I became friends with a hot guy on Twitter. We started texting every day and really got to know each other on a personal level. I asked if we could talk on the phone but was told he was born without vocal cords. I was confused, but I didn't stop texting him. We even ended up having phone sex! (How does one have phone sex without another voice on the opposite end of the phone? You text back "ooh" and "ahh.")
One day I got a text from him saying someone was pretending to be him on Instagram and that I should block the account. Curious, I clicked on the profile. I did some intense Googling and found out the "man" I was talking to was actually a woman who pretended to be him for seven years! SEVEN YEARS! After I found out, I never spoke to them again.
—Rachel Obas, Facebook