1. "One day when I was about 14, I was wearing a purple shirt. My grandma turned to me and said, 'The color of that shirt really brings out the pimples on your face.'"
2. "I was working in a nursing home and there were two old ladies, both residents, who had beef with each other. One lady said to the other: 'I'd kick you where the sun doesn't shine, but I'm afraid I'd lose my shoe.' It took me a second to figure out how dirty she was being."
3. "I was painting my nails, and my grandma leaned over and said, 'That's a nice shade of whore red.' Then she walked away."
4. "My great-grandmother was arguing with my step-grandpa. He was standing at the top of the stairs, so she looked over at me and said, 'No one will blame the old lady in a wheelchair if I pushed him.'"
5. "My grandma told me, while lying in her actual death bed, 'You need to stop wearing your hair like that.'"
6. "I had dinner with my family for my 29th birthday. As my grandma was heading out the door, she hugged me and said, 'In my day, a single 30-year-old woman was an old maid. You have a year.'"
7. "I once got a Christmas card from my grandma that said, 'Maybe next year you'll make us proud.'"
8. "One day after school, a friend and I were looking at our school photos that we had just gotten back. My great-grandma walked in the room, took a look at my friend's photo, and said, 'Well, at least you know to never do your hair like that again.'"
9. "My grandma was a big smoker, and one night when we were at her house (I was about 6), I started coughing. I said the smoke really stunk and was so gross. She said, 'You know, smoke only goes to the ugliest person in the room.'"
10. "One of my cousins was planning her wedding, and she told my great-grandmother that she wanted a strapless dress. My lovely great-grandmother said, 'You better get some tits first.'”
11. "I once casually remarked to my grandma, 'It's hot in here.' She immediately responded, "You better start going to church because it's a lot hotter in hell.'"
12. "When I was 7, I wanted to be an astronaut, so I drew a picture of one walking on the moon. 'It's an astronaut, grandma!' I said with enthusiasm. 'An astronaut?' she asked while taking a drag of her cigarette. 'Well that's pretty fucking stupid.'"
13. "I was playing piano for my family when I was about 5 years old. I finished the song and noticed that everyone was clapping except my grandma. When I asked her why, she said, 'I only clap if it's good.'"
14. "Last Thanksgiving my grandmother told me that if my father was her first-born child, she would have 'just started swallowing from that point forward.'"
15. "When my grandma came to visit for my graduation (after not seeing each other for two years) she said, 'You look much better in your pictures on Facebook.' Thanks, grandma."
16. "After I got my nose pierced, my grandma looked me up and down and said, 'Well you used to be my favorite granddaughter.'"
17. "When my older sister told my family she was pregnant out of wedlock and not in a relationship, my grandma sighed, looked at me, and said, 'We always thought it would be you.'"
18. "My great-grandma was in the hospital, and when she got up to use the bathroom her nurse asked, 'Catherine, do you want help?' My great-grandma said, 'No, I don't need your help. I've been wiping my own pussy for 90 years.'"
19. And "My great-grandma said to my face, 'I always thought Natalie was a white trash name.' My name is Natalie..."
Has your grandma said or done something hilariously savage? Tell us about it in the comments below!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.