We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their awkward and embarrassing experiences with big penises. Here are the wild results.
1. This double spew:
"Being the hungry bitch I am, I ate a big burrito before a hookup. He was huge, and he thrust his penis up in me while I was slowly easing down. Puke and shit came out of me at the same time. It covered him and the bed, and I ran to the bathroom, embarrassed. I never talked to him ever again."
2. This BJ that took her breath away:
"The first time I gave a blowjob was to a massive dick, and I literally had an asthma attack. I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. Neither of us had our licenses yet, so we had to get his mom to drive us to urgent care because I didn't have my inhaler with me. When she asked what we were doing that caused the attack, he randomly blurted out that we were playing lacrosse. Neither of us had ever touched a lacrosse stick in our lives."
3. This pizza delivery gone wrong:
"My boyfriend has the biggest dick I've ever encountered. One time we ordered a pizza and decided to have a quickie in the living room before it arrived. It got pretty rough, so when he pulled out and went to RAM himself back in, he accidentally got the wrong hole. He made it about tip-deep into my virgin butt before the force caused his penis to bend.
"As we both cried in pain on the floor, DING DONG, the pizza guy was at the door. He had the perfect view of me crying and holding my ass, while my boyfriend was laughing and crying and clutching his dick. Poor pizza guy. We made sure to give him a good tip, though."
4. This simple favor:
"I was really horny, so I drove 45 minutes to my ex's to have sex. The next morning, I realized I never took out my tampon. His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too far, and I couldn't get it out. I gave up after 30 minutes and called the guy, asking for a favor. I went to his work, locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel, and spread my legs on his desk so he could pull out the tampon. He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it out."
5. This surprising hospital visit:
"It was our first hookup. We were in bed, and I could tell he was big. No big deal — I've had a few; I could handle and enjoy it. Then I unleashed his beast, and the head of this monster was...gigantic! I couldn't fit him in my mouth, so we went right to sex with a LOT of lube. Nope. Just nope. He ripped my perineum and had to take me for stitches. We're still friends and still mess around, but that first time...ouch!"
6. This Italian dinner worth skipping:
"Right after graduating from high school, I was hooking up with an ex who was pure Italian. He had a massive Italian sausage. We were fooling around and it was getting intense. We switched to doggy-style, and I made the terrible mistake of yelling 'harder.' As he violently thrust his sausage into my ziti, he went so deep that I immediately puked everywhere. We never spoke again."
7. This unfortunate yank:
"I'm pretty well-endowed and have had a few guys throw up on me while trying to give me head. A few even refused sex after seeing me fully erect. The worst by far, however, happened because of my length and my Prince Albert piercing. Somehow, as I was getting undressed, my penis swung to the side and my piercing hooked on a belt loop. I didn't notice and gave my pants a yank. I dropped to my knees so fast and screamed like a baby."
8. This tearful tear:
"I'm gay and 99% a top, but for some reason I was really wanting to bottom one day. I texted my friend with benefits and invited him over. His dick was at least 9 inches and thick. He shoved his dick in my ass for the first time ever, and it literally tore my ass a little. I've never screamed and jumped up so fast in my life. It took a year to completely heal. Ouch!"
9. This bruised ego:
"I was hooking up with a guy for the first time in the shower, and things were getting very hot. Then he went so deep in me that I felt like I was overheating. I started to feel like I was losing vision, so he took me to his room and we tried again from a more comfortable position. He went in deep again, but he was so big that I fainted and made both of us fall off the bed, causing the guy's dick to get bruised. He was out of commission for three days because of it."
10. This jaw-dropping tale:
"I occasionally get lockjaw from bad TMJ (temporomandibular joint). I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, and he is quite big and girthy (he's 6'7", for reference), so my jaw was hurting. I thought, Fuck it and kept going. That was a big mistake because it got to the point where I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to get his dick out, so I had to pry my mouth open with my fingers. Now any time I give him oral, I make sure and use my tongue while giving my jaw a rest."
11. This double soda can:
"I was hooking up with a guy who was 6'4". When hard, his 10-inch dick went past his belly button. After some oral, we were finally going to try to fit it in my vagina. When he went in, it was so fucking painful. I ended up going to the bathroom pretty much right away, and he noticed that there was blood on his dick. I bled when I peed, and after a couple days of being in severe pain, I went to the doctor. Turned out I had a torn vagina opening, a UTI, and a yeast infection, all because he was too big. Worst experience ever.
12. This lost cause:
"My best friend called me at 3 a.m. to say that she and her boyfriend finally had sex, and it was anal. His dick was big, but apparently he was trying really hard to impress her by wearing a Magnum XL condom, and the condom got lost in her butt. I had to talk her through an enema. SMH.
13. This bloody blowjob:
"The first guy I ever gave a blowjob to was huge, both in length and in girth. I had braces at the time and was hesitant, but he assured me it would be OK. We took it slowly, but he ended up with two bloody lines down his penis where some inside wires were protruding. To this day I still wonder if he has the scars."
14. This nerve-racking snap:
"I was having sex with a guy who was so big that, when we lost rhythm, his dick sort of bent. We heard a snapping sound (we later found out it was a weak tendon or a nerve in his penis that created the noise). His dick swelled up and we rushed to the hospital. He needed surgery to repair the nerve. It's been 20 years since then and he's fine now, but I'll never forget it."
—Gina Marie, Facebook
15. And this scene of a crime:
"I hooked up with a friend who had the longest and thickest dick I'd ever seen. Even though we spent a lot of time in foreplay, the sex was so painful that we had to stop, so I gave him a blowjob instead. I went to the bathroom after to clean up and looked in the mirror and saw my hands, face, and thighs COVERED in blood. When I went back to his room, his white sheets and pillowcases looked like a murder scene, and he was gone. I panicked, grabbed one of the pillows to try to hide how bad it was, and called an Uber.
"He was walking back in when I was literally running out the door. I shouted some confused noises at him and jumped in my Uber, yelling 'Drive!!!' There was still blood on my face and hands, and I was holding a bloody pillow, so my driver probably thought I murdered someone. Later on I returned his pillow, and he was surprisingly cool about it."
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.