We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their funniest "I pooped my pants as an adult" story. Here are the hilarious results.
1. This drive-thru catastrophe:
I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru and felt the urge to poop. Another car was behind me, so I was trapped. The urge was getting stronger, but the cars in front weren't moving. I pulled my car up a spot and ordered. That's when I knew it was over. I unbuckled my seatbelt and put a towel under me. I was half-crying and half-laughing when my sphincter gave out. Liquid shit spilled from my bum, with no signs of stopping. I had to sit in my poop pants while waiting for the cars in front to go. The stench was unbearable. The shame still eats at me today.
2. This shitty run:
While getting back into pre-pregnancy shape, I went on a run with my twins in their stroller. I suddenly felt my stomach drop into my asshole. My run turned into a walk. I hovered near a curb while I shat my brains out into my compression shorts. I panicked and called my husband. He slowly drove by me, laughing. Then we realized he couldn’t even help me because the car seats weren't in his car (he was coming home from work). I had to walk all the way home with my twins, with fresh shit dripping down my legs, and my husband and mom had to hose me off in the yard.
3. This anal adventure:
I was seeing a guy who was really into anal sex, but I hadn't tried it yet. He came over, and things started to get hot. My bowels instantly reacted to his penis up my butt, and I started pooping all over him. It got on his legs, privates, hands, everywhere. Luckily he's a nurse and had seen worse. We cleaned up and for some reason decided to go for round two. He used my vibrator on me, and as I was climaxing the same thing happened: I was pooping, but I didn't even know it. It was like water. Just liquid shit. Long story short: Never eat Chinese food before having anal sex for the first time.
4. This awkward experience:
My boyfriend and I were kayaking. I had already pooped twice that day, and we were about a mile down river when I immediately knew I had to take a massive shit. We were several miles from the end of our run, so I told my boyfriend we had to pull over NOW. I pulled off on the bank, ripped my shorts down, and let it all go. After feeling massive relief, I looked down to see that I had pooped in my shorts AND on my shoes. I was so ashamed, and all my boyfriend could do was point and laugh.
5. This terrifying date:
I had ulcerative colitis and was at dinner with a very new boyfriend. I excused myself to the restroom and barely opened the door before my colon basically exploded. Have you ever seen a bathroom where there was poop everywhere and you wondered "how does this even happen?" Well, I know how it can happen. I got poop all over the toilet, the floor, my legs, somehow my arm, my dress, and even on the wall.
I took a deep breath and surveyed the literal shit show. I took off my dress and let water run over it. I was bare-ass naked, except for sandals, in the bathroom as I wiped up my splatter around the toilet as best I could. I scrubbed myself down, wrung out my dress, and went back to my boyfriend. Somehow he didn't notice. When I told him the story years later, he asked why I didn't call him to help. That man is now my husband.
6. This drunken disaster:
I drank waaaay too much at a bar and stopped to get McDonald's. I then walked to a friend's house, got into their washroom, and for some reason I decided to run a bath. I sat in the warm tub with my underwear on while eating McDonald's. I guess I got too comfortable because I fell asleep and woke up two hours later in freezing water, with lettuce, a disintegrated bun, and a hamburger floating around me. That's when I noticed that I also pooped myself. Not my finest moment.
7. This urgent unleashing:
A year ago I got salmonella, so I went to an urgent care near my apartment. I was severely dehydrated, so a nurse hooked me up to an IV. While inserting the needle, I told her I needed to poop. She asked “right now?” I urgently said yes. I stood up, and my bowels unleashed the gates of hell. I pooped my soul out in a matter of seconds. The nurse called for reinforcements, and both nice ladies helped me clean up the shit from my body and the floor. They told me it happens all the time, but I wasn’t buying it and kept wailing. We threw out my contaminated clothes, and they gave me two hospital gowns to cover up. I had to waddle home, looking like a mad man who just escaped from the hospital.
8. This clogged drain:
I was staying at my new boo's place and REALLY had to poop, so I did what any girl would: I pretended to shower so I could do the deed in peace. His toilet was literally broken, and I couldn't hold it in, so I had to SHIT IN HIS SHOWER. He kept asking through the door if I was okay, so I kept insisting I didn't feel well and was "letting the water run over me" — but I was actually trying to shove the poop down his shower drain. It was a disaster.
9. This mommy nightmare:
I was standing on the porch and decided to let out a silent one, but I heard a splat on the ground behind me. I turned around and saw my worst fear: a gigantic plop of diarrhea. The trail filled up my shorts and led down the back of my leg. I waddled through the house and ordered my 9-year-old out (I couldn't have her see her mother like that). I jumped into the shower, clothes and all, but was too late. My daughter saw the back of my shorts. She followed the poop trail and came racing back to laugh hysterically at my expense.
10. This smushed shower:
I got drunk and had my boyfriend pick me up from a party. I proceeded to vomit the whole car ride home, out the window and onto peoples' lawns. When I got back to his house we noticed I smelled really bad and that I shat my pants. I was wearing stockings so it was smushed everywhere. He had to give me a shower. I was so drunk and was crying, saying, "please don't break up with me!"
11. This exploding toilet:
I was on a flight and had to use the bathroom. Five days worth of spicy Costa Rican food came shooting out of me, filling the toilet nearly to the brim. If you look at most airplane toilets, there's a picture telling you to close the lid prior to flushing. I did not heed this warning. I flushed and suddenly found myself covered in diarrhea. It was as if a bomb had exploded in the bowl. There was diarrhea on the ceiling, on every wall, and all over me. I did my best to clean up, but nothing could hide the stench when I returned to my seat.
12. This ~craps~ table:
My mom was a card game dealer in a casino. Dealers aren't allowed to leave the table unless another employee comes to take over for them. Unfortunately my mom REALLY had to go, but she couldn't leave until she was tapped out, for security reason. Her replacement was late, so she ended up pooping herself in her uniform while dealing a card game. Luckily she can laugh about it now.
13. This maze mishap:
I was on a solo vacation in England and visited a castle. I strolled through the gardens and came across one of those elaborate garden mazes made of 7-feet-high bushes. I was having a grand old time until my stomach turned. My leisurely stroll turned into a fast-paced walk as I tried to get out of the maze, but it was clearly too complicated, and time was limited. As soon as I felt a turtle head pop out of my asshole, I backed my butt into the bush wall and unloaded a huge crap. I shoved some leaves into my butt and pinched for the rest of the way out, but I kept getting lost. It took me 20 minutes to get out of the maze and back to the castle so I could properly clean up.
14. These property poopers:
My family and I were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. I had eaten Denny's that morning and, all of a sudden, I didn't feel right. We were in a residential area, so with no bathroom in sight I saw a house for sale and scrambled to the backyard where I had the worst diarrhea of my life. My mom later joined me, as she had the same breakfast plate as well. As I was relieving myself, a realtor came out back and asked what I thought of the property.
15. And this long toot that's DEFINITELY worth the read:
When I was 17, I worked in the ice cream shop of a small amusement park. I was by myself, and there was a pretty consistent line of customers. I was weirdly gassy but was chillin' because I was alone, so, like, lettin’ it go as needed.
It started to get BAD, and I stopped being so liberal with cuttin’ it. I felt the rumble as I swirled the chocolate soft serve onto a cone, opened up the window to hand it to a customer, and just as our hands made contact I lost control of my butt muscles. I instinctively grabbed the stranger's hand as I shit my pants. This was years ago, so I had to use a walkie-talkie to desperately scream for backup. My boss ran over to the shop and asked what was wrong. I slid down the wall with tears in my eyes, mortified, and quietly said “I just fucking shit my pants, dude.”
He called my mom, who told me I needed to DRIVE MYSELF home. So I had to waddle from the ice cream shop, through the go-kart track, across the putt putt course, in front of all of the customers and cute boys who worked there, with poop in my pants. And then I had to sit IN MY OWN SHIT IN MY CAR for 20 minutes. Best day of my life.