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37 WTF Moments From The "Full House" Christmas Episode

Mickey Rooney in a Santa suit. No.

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1. The show opens, and Michelle reveals that she bought Danny this hideous "party tie" that doubles as a cup holder. Excuse me, but why does this product even exist?

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6. In the next scene, Becky walks into the kitchen and says she smells "roast turkey, hot apple cider, and pumpkin pie", but it's just Danny's new air freshener, "Can O' Christmas". OK???

7. Jesse complains cause he was "mauled by 20 fat, jolly guys" at the dry-cleaners, and Becky responds "well, it's been a while."

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9. Danny reacts accordingly, unaware that Michelle actually got the same gift for him.

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And the award for 'Worst Father of the Year' goes to Danny Tanner.

11. Rather than giving Danny the tie, Uncle Jesse proposes that Michelle gives her father a Fruit Loop sombrero.

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12. BUT THERE'S A DILEMMA. MICHELLE ALREADY GAVE DANNY A FRUIT LOOP SOMBRERO TWO YEARS AGO.

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(WHERE IS THIS SO-CALLED SOMBRERO? WHY HAVE WE NEVER SEEN DANNY WEARING IT?)

13. Michelle convinces Uncle Jesse to take her back to the joke store to return the gift. ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

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Keep in mind that this episode aired in 1995. No store was open on Christmas Eve in 1995. Get your shit together, ABC.

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16. Mickey Rooney runs to the door and locks it before Uncle Jesse and Michelle can enter, because he's a miserable old bastard.

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22. But Uncle Jesse thinks about the situation and says he wants the cops to come cause he was basically KIDNAPPED by Mickey Rooney.

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Always use the comedy rule of three when you're being kidnapped by Mickey Rooney. It never fails.

23. Then Uncle Jesse politely asks Mickey Rooney for a cup of water, as if the whole kidnapping thing never occurred. Like, what?

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And he totally forgot that he's in a joke store, so of course it was a trick drinking glass.

24. And then Mickey Rooney and Michelle have a good laugh about the trick drinking glass, as if they're best buds, DESPITE HIM CALLING THE COPS ON HER.

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(Or maybe Mickey Rooney is having a heart attack. Not sure.)

26. Literally two seconds later Michelle tricks Uncle Jesse AGAIN, saying a dollar fell out of his pocket.

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Damnit, Jesse, obviously a dollar did not fall out of your bulgingly tight pants.

27. Then Mickey Rooney says he talked to the police on the phone and told them not to come. But how could he secretly talk to the police if he was so close to Jesse and Michelle this whole time?

28. Mickey Rooney tells them to leave, but Michelle thinks he's lonely, SO SHE INVITES HIM TO SPEND CHRISTMAS AT THE TANNER HOUSEHOLD, EVEN THOUGH HE IMPRISONED THEM.

29. And then Mickey Rooney admits that he doesn't talk to his family anymore, so he's used to spending the holidays alone. Then the audience collectively awes in the background because they feel bad.

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HE JUST KIDNAPPED MICHELLE TANNER, AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, AND NOW YOU FEEL BAD FOR HIM?

30. But of course Uncle Jesse falls for yet another gag before they leave. This time it's the old handshake buzzer joke.

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You know what, Michelle, you deserve to spend Christmas Eve in jail.

32. Later that night, everyone returns home, and Mickey Rooney is dressed as Santa. Why the hell would he have a Santa suit if he literally was the world's biggest Scrooge 15 minutes ago?

36. "Deck The Halls" plays in the background as Mickey Rooney calls his six-year-old granddaughter, who apparently has her own phone line because she answers the phone herself on the first ring and immediately wishes this creepy stranger a Merry Christmas.

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Except Mickey Rooney states that he hasn't spoken to his granddaughter in a few years, so she probably wouldn't remember him in the first place.

37. But all is right in the world now, so everyone starts singing and hugging each other, even though there is a complete stranger dressed as Santa in their house.

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