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37 WTF Moments From The "Full House" Christmas Episode

Mickey Rooney in a Santa suit. No.

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6. In the next scene, Becky walks into the kitchen and says she smells "roast turkey, hot apple cider, and pumpkin pie", but it's just Danny's new air freshener, "Can O' Christmas". OK???

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13. Michelle convinces Uncle Jesse to take her back to the joke store to return the gift. ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

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Keep in mind that this episode aired in 1995. No store was open on Christmas Eve in 1995. Get your shit together, ABC.

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22. But Uncle Jesse thinks about the situation and says he wants the cops to come cause he was basically KIDNAPPED by Mickey Rooney.

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Always use the comedy rule of three when you're being kidnapped by Mickey Rooney. It never fails.

23. Then Uncle Jesse politely asks Mickey Rooney for a cup of water, as if the whole kidnapping thing never occurred. Like, what?

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And he totally forgot that he's in a joke store, so of course it was a trick drinking glass.

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24. And then Mickey Rooney and Michelle have a good laugh about the trick drinking glass, as if they're best buds, DESPITE HIM CALLING THE COPS ON HER.

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(Or maybe Mickey Rooney is having a heart attack. Not sure.)

26. Literally two seconds later Michelle tricks Uncle Jesse AGAIN, saying a dollar fell out of his pocket.

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Damnit, Jesse, obviously a dollar did not fall out of your bulgingly tight pants.

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27. Then Mickey Rooney says he talked to the police on the phone and told them not to come. But how could he secretly talk to the police if he was so close to Jesse and Michelle this whole time?

29. And then Mickey Rooney admits that he doesn't talk to his family anymore, so he's used to spending the holidays alone. Then the audience collectively awes in the background because they feel bad.

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HE JUST KIDNAPPED MICHELLE TANNER, AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, AND NOW YOU FEEL BAD FOR HIM?

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30. But of course Uncle Jesse falls for yet another gag before they leave. This time it's the old handshake buzzer joke.

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You know what, Michelle, you deserve to spend Christmas Eve in jail.

32. Later that night, everyone returns home, and Mickey Rooney is dressed as Santa. Why the hell would he have a Santa suit if he literally was the world's biggest Scrooge 15 minutes ago?

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36. "Deck The Halls" plays in the background as Mickey Rooney calls his six-year-old granddaughter, who apparently has her own phone line because she answers the phone herself on the first ring and immediately wishes this creepy stranger a Merry Christmas.

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Except Mickey Rooney states that he hasn't spoken to his granddaughter in a few years, so she probably wouldn't remember him in the first place.