Regrettably, we asked the nurses and doctors of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their wildest experiences in the ER, and apparently a lot of people get things stuck in their private parts. Here are the jaw-dropping stories.
1."I worked in a hospital for a very long time. One of the nurses told me about the time a patient came in complaining of vaginal pain. When they did a pelvic exam, there were cockroaches in her vagina."
2."I had a gentleman come in with a lid from an aerosol can stuck up his butt. He said he 'fell' on it."
3."I work as an RN in a maximum security prison and had a guy who would routinely stick pencils up his urethra. One time, he also stuck six sporks in his rectum. I asked why, and he said, 'I just like doing it.'"
4."When I worked in the ER, I had a guy come in with several mini crayons stuffed in his anus. Some had managed to rotate, and he couldn't push them out."
5."One woman came in with the leftovers of a candy bar in her vagina. Her husband wanted to eat it from her vagina. It was half-melted, nuts and all."
6."My friend is a radiologist. She had an elderly gentleman come in with a screwdriver stuck in his butt. Apparently he tried to poop it out but couldn't and needed help trying to get it out."
7."One time a lady came in, and she had a cucumber stuck in her vagina. Unfortunately it had been there for a couple of days and was rotten. The smell was unbearable."
8."A friend of mine said her gynecologist had a patient who'd put dog food in her vag and let her dog eat it out. Apparently her privates were mangled, and she always had infections."
9."I had a guy come in with a rock up his ass. He was as calm as a cucumber about it, like it was an everyday occurrence. The rock was removed in surgery, and I had the job of waiting for him to poop before he could be discharged. Fun times."
10."My friend is an EMT. She got called to a house where the woman was home alone and decided to masturbate with an empty wine bottle. When she tried to pull it out, it created a vacuum and was hopelessly stuck. She couldn't drive herself to the ER, so she had to call 911."
11."My cousin works in a hospital and told me about a man who spent the night with a sex worker and came in because his penis was swollen and oozy. They found a freaking jalapeño seed stuck inside his penis."
12."My brother-in-law stuck a shot glass up his butt and had to have it surgically removed. Amazingly, it was up there for three days before he called for his MOTHER to come take him to the hospital."
13."My very dear friend is a scribe in an ER. One day they had an inmate come in who had shoved a combination of six fingernails and toenails in his urethra."
14."A coworker of mine had a patient who decided to stick a crochet needle up his penis while drunk. The urologist on call had to surgically remove the object."
15.And, "My mom is a nurse. She said there were guys who would stick live gerbils up their butts because the scratching felt good. That story scarred me for life."