Throughout the years, we've asked the BuzzFeed Community for their wildest, funniest, and most awkward sex horror stories.
From threesome disasters, to public sex nightmares, to unfortunate big-dick experiences (and everything in between), here are the hilarious and shocking stories.
1. The wreck it and ralph:
"One of my friends decided to try anal with her boyfriend... but her dad walked in while they were having sex. Her boyfriend pulled out super fast, which caused her to shit all over his dick/stomach/chest. Apparently the smell was so awful that he then started to throw up. Poor dad saw the whole damn thing."
2. The unexpected facial:
I was in a threesome with two guys who happened to be friends. One of them insisted I blow him while riding the other one. He pushed my head really hard into him, right as he was about to cum, which made me choke and pull away. This made all of his cum spray right onto his buddy’s face, and a bit got into his mouth. I will always wondered if their friendship survived that sperm facial.
3. The good deed gone wrong:
"I dropped into my friend’s house to give her a birthday cake I spent all day making, and I saw my best friends having an orgy. I was so sad 'cause I was apparently the only one not invited. They said I could join in if I wanted, but you could tell no one really wanted me to, so I left them the cake and went to the cinema by myself instead."
4. The birthday surprise:
"It was my 38th birthday and my friends and I took a bartender home. After things got hot, the dude said, 'You know what I’m really into? Getting eaten out.' My friend Denise wasn’t having it, but I’d done it before and this guy was 100% grade-A beef, so I agreed. He was on his back, and Denise was sitting on his face, so I started working from his balls, to his taint, to his backdoor. As I went to town, he suddenly sharted in my mouth. I immediately sterilized my mouth with a bottle of vodka and left. I haven’t seen any of them since."
5. The infected penis:
"This guy and I were friends with benefits, and one day we were getting a little freaky. We decided to try anal, and I got poop on his dick. That's not even the worst part. For months, he had an infection in his penis because of it. I still feel awful, and it's been years."
6. The snitching sibling:
"My brother is 10 years older than I am. When I was younger, he'd take me to my friend's house and hang out there until I was ready to go home. One day, my friend and I ran into her mother's room for whatever reason, and that's when we saw my brother... He jumped out of her bed, BUTT-ASS NAKED, and my friend's mom was hiding under the fucking duvet. You better believe I snitched to my mom as soon as I got home."
7. The bloody dripper:
It was late at night and really dark in the room. The other girl was sitting on my face, and she was really wet, so I was excited, but all of a sudden the guy was like, “Um, what’s on your chest?” She apparently just started her period and her blood was all over me.
8. The tasty delight:
"I occasionally get lockjaw. One time I was giving my boyfriend a blow job – he's quite big and girthy – and my jaw started to hurt. I thought, fuck it, and kept going, which was a big mistake. It got to the point where I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to get his dick out, so I had to pry my mouth open with my fingers. Whoops."
9. The Hershey's kiss:
"I was going down on my boyfriend in my dorm room. His muscles were all tense, and he was breathing really hard. He said he wasn't going to finish because he had too much to drink, so we both got dressed. I noticed these weird brown streaks on my sheets. He pretended to be confused and left immediately. That's when I realized why he was acting so weird, because he was trying to hold in his shit while I had his dick in my mouth. The next day, he had the nerve to lie and say he had some chocolate in his back pocket and it must have melted on my bed."
10. The allergic reaction:
My first threesome ever was awesome...until we finished. After playing around on the bed, I had an allergic reaction to their dog. My eyes swelled up and I got hives all over my body, just in time for my job interview the following morning.
11. The surprise visit:
My friend and I figured out when her parents would be away, and we invited a boy from the water polo team to join us. It was going well until her mom came home early and walked in on us. Her mom happened to be a sex therapist (she had a radio show and everything), so she tried to talk to all of three us about what we were “engaging in.” I hid under the covers and pretended it wasn’t happening. That was how I lost my virginity.
12. The 9-1-1 emergency:
"I was at an orgy where a guy in his twenties had a heart attack. He took Viagra before the party, which was common, and then he had some poppers mid-coitus, which was also common. Apparently the mix of the two caused him to go into cardiac arrest. An ambulance was called, and they luckily saved him. Ruined the mood for everybody else though."
—Zachary Newman, Facebook
13. The shitty rumor:
"In college my girlfriend and I decided to try some butt stuff. The whole experience was great, except when we finished and a small amount of poop wound up on my junk. We easily cleaned up and things were fine, but she told her friends out of context that she pooped on me. Her friends took that as me having a poop fetish. I didn't discover this until two years later, so I had to explain to them that I do not in fact enjoy being pooped on."
14. The new stepmom:
"Shortly after I graduated high school, a girl in my class started dating her best friend's dad. The worst part? They got married less than a year later, and she demanded that her best friend called her 'mom.' This took place 10 years ago, and they're still together. The daughter no longer speaks to either of them."
15. The holy orgasm:
"My fiancée once slept with a preacher's daughter. One time, they decided to have sex in the balcony of the church...while her father was preaching a sermon on Sunday morning. She came right as her father finished preaching and screamed 'Oh, god!' Someone in the audience responded with 'Hallelujah!'"
16. The shopper's break:
"When my girlfriend and I first started dating, we got very adventurous. One day the mood struck us while we were at the mall, so we went into a store's bathroom. She convinced me to stand on the toilet with my pants around my ankles so she could eat me out. I was game, except I must have eaten something that didn't sit well. My stomach did a cartwheel, I yelled 'I can't do this,' and I fell straight down onto the toilet and had an explosive shat right in front of her."
17. The angry blow job:
I went on a Grindr hookup with two other guys, and none of us had met before. Two of us were really enjoying it, but the third guy, who was hosting the threesome, seemed kinda uninterested. We kept trying to get him into it, both of us going down on him, but then we heard strange, cartoonish sounds above our heads. We looked up and realized he was playing Angry Birds on his phone. The two of us left immediately and went to my place.
—Seth Traver, Facebook
18. The lost and found:
"I lost my glasses in the middle of my first orgy. I was a bit overwhelmed, so I left the room. Then I had to wait, naked, for everyone to finish up so I could go back in and search for my glasses."
—Becky Lynn Smith, Facebook
19. The Jason sandwich:
"I went to an 18-plus club and met three guys. We all went back to my place for drinks and then started fooling around. It started out fun for all of us, but we started to push the fourth guy away because we weren't as into him. He got really upset, jerked himself off, and interrupted the rest of us to make a “Jason Sandwich." I’m Jason."
20. The friendly hookup:
"I was 18 and a senior in high school at the time. I went on Grindr, and an older DILF-type messaged me. I went over to his house, and we hooked up. Long story short, after we were finished I went to put on my shoes and saw photos on the wall with a familiar face in them. I asked who it was, and he said it was his daughter, i.e., the girl who sat across from me in math class. I fucked her dad's brains out."
21. The late-night snack:
"The guy I was seeing was in town for work but had to share a hotel room with coworkers. We were swimming late and decided to go into the pool bathroom to have sex. We were really going at it in a stall when a cop peeked his head over the door. Apparently that area is known for prostitution, and someone called the cops thinking I was a hooker. We had to answer all kinds of questions to prove we actually knew each other."
22. The bloody blow job:
"I invited a guy over for a blow job. He whipped it out, and that man was packing what I was craving: thicker than the circumference of my wrist and at least eight inches! I was doing the deed, and he began face-fucking me. He pulled his cock out of my mouth, and it was covered in my blood. He literally destroyed my throat! But I ain't no bitch."
23. The musical melody:
"I was in Australia and was having sex on a beach with a British boy I met earlier that day. We were almost done when this group of partiers came upon us. Instead of leaving us to finish up, they played 'I Just Had Sex' by The Lonely Island on a speaker while standing 10 feet away, watching us scramble to find our clothes. Safe to say that neither of us finished."
—Mykala Moody, Facebook
24. The handy test:
"I was with my crush, and we thought we were home alone. His dick was giant, but I was being a trouper. Just as we were finishing the deed, his dad arrived and started a conversation with my parents in the next room. They called for us to come out, so we scrambled to look presentable and not guilty, only to realize that there was a bloody handprint on his shirt and my face."
25. The swollen penis:
"Years ago I dated a guy from work and gave him a blow job. He randomly started distancing himself from me, but later on we grabbed drinks. He asked me, 'Do you remember what you had for lunch on Sunday?' I had no idea, but he said, 'You had cashew chicken... I’m allergic to cashews.' Apparently his dick had exploded into a swollen, itchy, red, skin-peeling member from the blow job I gave him. Whoops."
"My friend and I snuck into a park to drink. One night, we thought we heard clapping coming from the soccer field, so we investigated. It was really dark, but after our eyes adjusted we saw some guy kneeling inside one of the goal posts, with his bare ass thrusting away. By the extra pair of feet and the clapping sound, we quickly surmised what was actually taking place. After a good chuckle, my friend drew a huge breath and yelled 'Goooooaaaaaallll!!!!' They unflinchingly kept at it and, without turning, the guy raised a single fist into the air to show us his approval."
—K De Leon, Facebook
27. The braces mishap:
"The first guy I ever gave a blow job to was huge, both in length and in girth. I had braces at the time and was hesitant, but he assured me it would be OK. We took it slowly, but he ended up with two bloody lines down his penis where some inside wires were protruding. To this day, I still wonder if he has the scars."
28. The religious persecution:
"I was bottoming for a guy in a church parking lot, and we were spotted by one of the pastors who was walking by. It was the most awkward moment of my life, but we still ended up finishing in his car in the church parking lot."
29. The ridiculous reveal:
"I hooked up with a guy who had the most enormous penis I'd ever seen. Rather than chickening out, I grabbed the lube and attempted to make it fit. I have dyspareunia, a condition that makes sex very painful, and his dick ended up ripping the lower part of my vagina, à la giving-birth-style. I had to have an episiotomy, which meant stitches from my vagina to my ass."
30. The unwanted butt-dial:
"My ex and I were having car sex in the parking lot of our college and accidentally butt-dialed his very conservative mom's home phone. Apparently we left a rather lengthy voicemail of our tryst. We had to drive the 45 minutes to her house to delete the message before she got to it... but we were too late."
31. The burned nostrils:
"I was giving my horrible ex a blow job, and he ejaculated so forcefully that the cum came out of my nose. It burned like hell and I threw up a little on his bed. I spent the rest of the night hanging over the sink, coughing and unable to talk because it still hurt so much."
32. The naughty nibbler:
It was myself, my spouse, and a woman who has never been with another woman before. He was having sex with her from behind while she went down on me. He thrusted very hard and she accidentally CHOMPED down on my clit.
33. The hungry guests:
"While at a sex party, a man challenged me that he could make me orgasm, even though it routinely takes me a long time. But he was committed, and I was trying. My eyes were closed, and I was sooooooo close, but all of a sudden I heard a noise. I opened my eyes, and this random dude was lying next to me, watching, while munching on pretzels."
34. The interesting picnic:
"My boyfriend and I were having a romantic picnic on the beach. It was generally an uncrowded beach, and at the time we were the only people there. We decided to have sex. A few minutes later, we saw some young teens in the distance, so we quickly repositioned ourselves. My anxiety increased as they approached us, but alas, they seemed oblivious and simply asked us, 'Do you guys have any weed?'"
35. The bloody salad:
"I met this guy online, and we hit it off quite well. I went over to his house and things started to get hot and heavy. I was 'tossing his salad' when I noticed blood everywhere. Apparently my nose started bleeding. I grabbed my shirt to discreetly wipe off the blood, but he turned around and was completely freaked out. We never spoke again."
36. The heavenly campout:
"It was senior year of high school, and my friends and I had a 'campout' in one of our backyards. We set up a tent and ran extension cords from the house to power a radio and lamp. One thing led to another, and we all started fooling around. Halfway through, the music and lights suddenly cut off. I assumed my friend's mom tripped over the cord, so I yelled out, 'Shit! Everyone put your clothes on!' Her voice called out, 'I think it’s time for everyone to come inside.' The worst part? She was a minister."
37. The chocolate-covered ass:
"So I love to give rim jobs when I'm having sex. Unfortunately, one time ruined my love of ass for a few years. I was hooking up with a guy, and while I was fucking him I decided to go down and eat a little. As I started to rim him, I tasted something strange and said 'your lube tastes weird.' He pulled his ass away, took a whiff, and said, 'I don't think that's lube.' I literally licked his shit-covered asshole."
38. The embarrassed resolution:
"My college boyfriend and I were having sex on New Year's Eve. Just as he was climaxing, he farted loudly. He was so embarrassed that he leaned back to roll away from me, but he was still inside of me and holding onto my hips, so he accidentally pulled me off of the bed with him and we fell on the floor."
39. The sore vagina:
"I was hooking up with my crush in my car. It was dark outside, so I couldn’t see how HUGE his dong was. He started putting it in, and I swear it felt like he was trying to shove a fist in there. A few minutes later I looked down and saw something on his white shirt. He turned the overhead light on and saw his shirt was covered in blood. There was also a huge, bloody handprint on the back of the driver's seat. He gasped and ran out of the car and I drove to the nearest gas station and scrubbed the seats like crazy. My vagina was sore for days."
40. The stuck butt plug:
"My partner and I were using a little butt plug. This particular plug didn't have a base, so naturally it got stuck up my butt. I didn't want to tell the guy what happened, so I decided my best bet was to go to the bathroom and try to coax it out. Bad idea. I was crouched down, fingers in my butt, digging for the plug, when I accidentally shit in my hand."
41. The roommate trouble:
"My friend and I were lying in bed in my dorm. My roommate walked in and quickly fell asleep. About 30 minutes later, my friend and I started feeling each other up and brought each other to orgasm, but we tried to keep it as quiet as possible, since my roommate was still asleep. While we were hooking up, I glanced over to check on my roommate and saw her staring at us with a confused, horrified look on her face. It was so awkward."
42. The hallway horror:
"My ex and I wanted to try anal, so we bought a douche to, um, clear out my backside. Anyway, he set me up in my living room and gave me loads of magazines to keep myself occupied, when I suddenly needed to poop. I got up to go to the bathroom, but my body couldn't wait. I literally shit all over the hallway in front my then-boyfriend. Awkward."
43. The surprising phone call:
"My one-night stand called her mom right after we finished having sex to tell her she lost her virginity."
44. The trick shot:
"My college boyfriend and I made it a goal to fuck on every floor in our dorm building. There was a common area in the basement, so one weeknight at around 3 a.m. we decided to fuck on the pool table. However, the night janitor, who was luckily wearing headphones, walked in. He was facing backwards, turned around, and saw us, with my ass in the air, getting fucked from behind. He simply put his head back down and walked out."
45. The gooey finish:
"My boyfriend and I were feeling frisky after a bit of drinking. We had anal sex the night before, so my bum was already sore enough. My boyfriend decided to jack-rabbit into my swollen butt. Luckily the alcohol numbed things a little downstairs and I was able to relax. After he finished, he pulled out, and on the tip of his junk was a squished mound of poo. I didn't know what to do, so I offered to clean his dick with a tissue and hand sanitizer."
46. The ultimate butt dial:
One time I was messing around with two friends, and the boy had his phone in his pocket. He accidentally pocket-dialed his mom, and we left a long message...
47. The Grindr kerfuffle:
"I invited a guy from Grindr over. I found out he liked to be tied up, so, being the people-pleasing, awkward turtle I am, I obliged. I was on top and felt a pain in my stomach. I figured I just needed to change positions, so I got off. When I did, I felt something warm, and then I smelled it: I got diarrhea all over his crotch. There was an awkward silence, and then I ran to the bathroom, but I FORGOT HE WAS STILL TIED UP. It took 10 minutes to get myself together until I could untie him. We haven’t spoken since, except for the time he asked me to Venmo him $60 to pay for his underwear that I pooped on."
48. The sneaky ex:
I was in high school and snuck out around 2 a.m. to meet two boys. My most recent ex at the time called me in the middle of the threesome, and I foolishly answered. He got super jealous and called my parents to tell them what I was doing. My parents then drove and picked me up. It was so awkward.
49. The family feud:
"I slept with my best friend's dad when I was 22. My friend, who had recently come out, invited me to play pool with her and her dad at their house. Her dad and I flirted like crazy that night, but I ended up just going home. About an hour later, she invited me over for a drink, but for some reason she never came out of her room, so I just drank with her dad. I thought it was a setup. The dad put on his moves, and we slept together. The next morning, my friend was pissed. Turned out she always had a thing for me. We haven't talked since."
50. The pimple popper:
"I had an ex who liked to suck zits off of girls' bodies, and use the pimple pus for his personal pleasure while touching himself."
51. The icing on the chocolate cake:
"I was at a friend's party and ate a lot of food (and I shit really badly when I eat a lot). Later that night, my boyfriend and I got home and said he wanted to try anal for the first time. I said OK. We were in the middle of it, when all of a sudden my stomach started to bubble. I tried to tell my boyfriend, but it was too late. I was on top and literally had diarrhea all over him."
52. The lonely lover:
My pals and I wanted to get kinky, and I ended up wearing the dog’s collar and was leashed to the bed post. Eventually the sex sort of migrated from one end of the bed to the other, and I couldn’t reach either of them. I was like, “Uh… guys?” But they were too busy to notice. I ended up sitting on the edge of the bed and awkwardly watched my two friends have sex, just out of my reach.
53. The friendly fire:
"I was on Grindr, and a bi/married couple hit me up. I was all about it, since I’m bi myself. We exchanged nudes, planned to meet, and talked about fantasies and what we wanted to do. By this point, we hadn't exchanged full-frontal selfies, so I didn't know what they looked like. Then they sent a pic of themselves. Turned out they were family friends from ages ago. He was a best man at my parents' wedding. There are even pictures of them holding me as a toddler.
54. The purple nurple:
I had nipple tape on so I could go bra-less that day, and when the guy ripped the tape off it left a permanent purple mark on my nipple. FML.
55. The messy walk of shame:
"I met up with a guy from Grindr, and he had the biggest penis I'd ever seen. I had to take his penis out of my ass because it hurt so bad, and he said, 'Damn, you made a mess.' I saw what looked like a gallon of beef stew, and the smell soon followed. He started puking all down my back, and it ran into my hair, eyes, his bed, and the floor. His sister knocked on the door to see what was going on, and he started freaking out. He ran into the bathroom while I, still covered in poop and puke, tried to put on my clothes. It was impossible to leave with any dignity."
56. The numbing surprise:
"Two words: numbing cream. One of the dudes at the sex party put desensitizing cream on his junk so he wouldn’t come too quickly. Turns out it also numbs the person's mouth if they blow them. It felt like I had just left the dentist's office."
57. The call for help:
"I have a heart condition where I faint when I get hurt. I don't tell many people, 'cause I don't think everyone needs to know. Well, my boyfriend was slamming into me during sex once and slipped out, and when he tried to ram it back in, he accidentally went in the wrong hole. I screamed and tried to run to the bathroom — I didn't want to faint in front of him. But I didn't make it; I passed out on his bedroom floor and woke up to hear him screaming for his MOM to come help!"
58. The double "beam me up" experience:
Both guys were in full Spock cosplay when I showed up. Still had sex.
59. The jealous girlfriend:
"A casual partner and I expressed interest in an orgy. We met with another couple and a girl we clicked with. After some wine, things got started. My partner nibbled on my neck, and the other two girls got hot and heavy. The one guy's girlfriend started going down on another girl, and he cheered her on. Then he made a comment that the other girl had a nice body. The girlfriend stopped cold, threw her glass of wine in the boyfriend’s face, and locked herself in the bathroom, crying. Whoops."
60. The grandma's guidance:
"My ex and I were having sex, missionary. I went to shift the angle of my hips at the exact moment he broke rhythm and give me a surprise, extra hard and fast thrust. This completely destroyed my perineum. I lived with my grandma at the time, and I couldn't get the tear to stop bleeding. We were freaking out, so I went into the living room, holding the bloody towel over my crotch, and asked grandma what to do. She was more concerned that I had stained one of the good hands towels."
61. The close encounter:
"We did anal for 20 minutes, and afterward I felt ~not quite right~. When I got to the toilet, the seat was down, and it had a soft-close lid — so by the time the lid was down, I'd pooped all over the floor. There was runny shit down my leg and it smelled awful, but I didn't know what to do. There was no shower in the bathroom, and I couldn't bear to escape, so I had to use half a roll of toilet paper to wash the floor, and washed my leg in the sink. I went back to his room 15 minutes later, pretending nothing happened."
—Bridget May Jackson, Facebook
62. The pre-wedding disaster:
"My husband and I were part of an orgy the night before our friends’ wedding. While everyone was having sex in the honeymoon suite, my drunk, female roommate cried on the couch, naked. It was kind of hard to fuck with that as background noise, so I tried to carry her naked body back to her room. Security stopped me because apparently carrying a drunk, naked girl through the hall of a hotel doesn’t look so good."
63. The hiker's nightmare:
"One day my friend with benefits and I decided to burn one down on a nature walk and get busy. As we rounded the bases and things got heavy, he went to fully take off his pants and tripped over himself, right over the ledge of a small cliff. I had to take him to the hospital, but luckily he was totally fine."
64. The tour de pants:
"My ex and I would frequently take walks in the forest. There were many paths, so we would go off and make out. One time we decided to do much more than that, and a group of five cyclists rode by us. They playfully shouted to us, but we freaked out and quickly got dressed and left. We saw them at the end of a trail later on and they cheered us on once more."
65. The vomit brigade:
"My friend was hooking up with a guy who was so big that while she was blowing him, she literally threw up every drink she had had that night on him. It also triggered a chain reaction, and they both spent the rest of the night in the bathroom."
—Sherri Thomas, Facebook
66. The unexpected twist:
"My college fuck buddy and I decided to hook up in his car because neither of our rooms were free. The parking lot was basically empty and it was getting particularly hot and steamy, when we suddenly heard a slapping sound. It was so confusing because the sound wasn't coming from us. We pulled apart to look around and saw a random girl directly next to the car jumping rope. She was just minding her own business, and then suddenly she turned and saw the two of us, naked, staring at her. She turned bright red and ran away."
67. The tasty finish:
"My boyfriend was getting playful during foreplay and started kissing me all over. Unfortunately, I didn't realize exactly where he was headed. Just when I thought it was safe to let out a silent one, I farted right in his mouth. A lot of teeth brushing ensued."
—Katy Day, Facebook
68. The jaw-dropping tale:
"I dislocated my jaw trying to give a blow job once because his penis was so big."
69. The pizza pleaser:
During a threesome, a friend of mine came in and sat down with pizza and just watched. That was fine and was pretty normal at the time. Then she got the bright idea to put marinara sauce on my boob and gave commentary, like it was a baseball game. We kicked her out so fast because it killed the mood. We look back and laugh at this now.
70. The anal canal:
"I met a bi guy online and invited him over. We had great sex, and then he pulled out a toy for me to use on him. I didn't want to be the girl who said no, so I let him go to the bathroom to prep. We tried using the toy, but it wouldn't go in. We finally made it work, and he got really into it. As I was working it in and out of his ass, little brown drops started coming out. I pulled the toy out, and then the drops came out faster and BIGGER. It was... an experience. I no longer go near any man's asshole, no matter how much they ask me to."
71. The drunk dancer:
"I met a girl one night while I was on vacation in the Dominican Republic. I was really drunk and decided to try some fancy moves in her room. I lost my balance in the process and fell head-first into the glass sliding door next to her bed. To make matters worse, it was tempered glass, so it shattered the entire door."
—Justin Thomson, Facebook
72. The chomping disaster:
"I was dating a guy with a very long, very girthy penis. I was too scared to have penetrative sex with him, so we always stuck to oral. One night, I was going down on him and decided I wanted to try to deep-throat. His penis jerked and I got scared and bit him really hard. His dick started bleeding and he got really freaked out and made me bring him to the hospital. Everything turned out fine. The doctor just bandaged it and gave him some antibiotics, but we stopped dating soon after."
73. The slip and slide:
"I slipped as I got out of the shower after shower sex. One hand landed on my wet boyfriend, and the other managed to grab the shower curtain, but neither held my weight. I spun around and smashed my ribs onto the faucet. The next morning I found out that I cracked a few of my ribs."
74. The Pringles can:
"I went on a few dates with a guy in college. We knew that neither of us liked to bottom, so I proposed a bet of whoever had the bigger penis got to top. I was obviously pretty cocky and sure that I would win. I was speechless when he pulled out a throbbing Pringles can. Never one to back out of a bet, I powered through, and it was incredibly unpleasant. I was late to class the next day because it took me an extra long time to walk up the stairs."
75. The dirty booty call:
"I was house-sitting for my sister and had a guy over one night. Things got hot, and then he left quickly, which seemed weird. I later noticed that the futon was in a different position than it originally was (thinking 'hell yeah, we rocked this thing a couple of feet,' but nope). When I went to the bathroom to clean up after sex, he had flipped the entire full-size futon over. There was a massive shit streak across the bare, cream-colored futon. Needless to say, I was completely turned off by the fact that this dude couldn't wipe properly and never used him as a booty call again."
76. The tampon mystery:
"I was really horny so I drove 45 minutes to my ex's house to have sex. The next morning I realized I never took out my tampon. His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too far, and I couldn't get it out. After 30 minutes I gave up and called the guy, asking for a favor. I went to his work, locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel, and spread my legs on his desk so he could pull out the tampon. He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it out."
77. The picture-perfect night:
"My boyfriend of three years broke up with me, and I had the opportunity to go to a sex party, so I brought a friend. While there, we ran into my ex. I ended up getting trained by my friend and three other guys. My ex yelled at them to go at me harder as he forced my head down on his dick. The next morning, as I left with a hangover, the hosts of the party showed me a picture they took. It was of my ex, me, and our friend, all cuddled naked on one of the beds. Yikes!"
78. The A+ lie:
"My boyfriend and I would hang out in the parking lot near the baseball fields after class. One day a woman saw my lone parked car and thought it was suspicious, so she called the police. We saw the cop as he started heading into the parking lot, so we rushed to get dressed. We were at a loss at how to explain what we were doing, so I grabbed my math book and burst into fake tears (thank you, drama club). I told the cop I was falling behind in math and my parents were strict about my grades. I told him we were studying in secret so no one would tell my parents I was failing. I don't know if he felt sorry or was just impressed with the story, but he let us go."
79. The X-rated lawn mower:
"A girl I was seeing wanted me to use anal beads on her while we did it doggy-style. I'm not really into butt stuff, so I didn't know what I was doing, but I went along with it. Since I was new to the whole thing, I didn't know you were supposed to pull them out SLOWLY. I pulled them out like I was rip-starting a lawn mower. The result? One screaming woman, one horizontal shit fountain, one ruined bed, and one ended relationship."
—Lucas Updyke, Facebook
80. The Tinder surprise:
"I met an older guy on Tinder when I was in graduate school. We went on a few dates throughout the course of a week, had a great time, and hooked up. He was only in town for that week to move his daughter in for school, so we didn't keep in touch. Two years later, at graduation, I was introduced to him by my best friend. He was her father. Neither of us have ever spoken about our sexual past, but the girl and I are still best friends!"
81. The early period:
"I was a senior in high school, and the popular, hot guy on my bus asked me to his house. As soon as his pants came off, my eyes widened. I asked him how big he was... 12 inches. I was all in, though! I gave him a few hours of mind-blowing sex. After it was over, I experienced my first walk of shame through my ENTIRE neighborhood and could literally barely walk. I had to pretend I started my period early because of it, and I bled for almost three days. Totally worth it, though."
82. The wild ride:
"My ex said my 'pretty eyes' would make him cum too quick, so he smothered my face with a pillow to hide them. I tried to lift the pillow off and push him off of me, but I used a little too much force and his head smashed into the bedside table. I had to drive him to the emergency room for stitches. I also farted during anal sex that night and his penis shot out!"
83. The milky surprise:
I once had a threesome, and the other woman had a baby roughly a year prior. In my alcohol-induced state I went for a nipple and got a huge gulp of breast milk.
84. The missing tooth:
"I went home with a guy after a field party one night, and while we were having sex his tooth fell out on me. It was dark, so I just thought it was sweat, but then he said, 'Could you put my tooth back in my mouth for me?' It was so gross, but we ended up dating anyway.
85. The unforgettable proposal:
"I once hooked up with a guy who licked my armpit and asked if he could blow air in my butt to 'suck out my farts.'"
86. The cornfield massacre:
"Years ago I met up with a guy in an empty cornfield. His dick was almost 9 inches and thick. Neither of us had condoms or lube, so we foolishly just used spit. A few minutes later, he finished and pulled out. That's when I noticed the bloody, shitty jizz that was dripping off his dick and down my legs. We didn't bring anything to clean up with, so we used my underwear. He thanked me and took off. I went to Walmart a few blocks away, bought new shorts and underwear, and changed in the restroom. When I got home, my mom complimented me on my new shorts."
87. The swallowed gag:
"My boyfriend wanted to go down on me while I was on my period — he insisted. He was eating me out and suddenly came back up gagging and then ran off to puke in my bathroom. Once he finally calmed down he claimed he swallowed a blood clot. It was thoroughly embarrassing and hilarious at the same time."
88. The snowy disaster:
"It was a snow day, and I hooked up with a guy who lived in my apartment complex. He got up and left after we had sex, and as he opened the door to leave, my cat bolted outside. I ran after my cat in just a tank top and underwear, and the door closed and locked behind me. I tried yelling for the guy who I just slept with, but he was already gone. There I was, locked out of my apartment, practically naked, holding my cat in the snow, post hit-it-and-quit-it. I'm not sure who it was more awkward for... me or the maintenance guy who had to let me back in."
89. The unhappy host:
"There were five of us, each green in the act of group sex. Unfortunately there was an odd man out, and it happened to be the gentleman who hosted the party. You could tell he wasn't having any of it. All of the sudden, there was knock at the door. Five new people arrived, and all of the original guests’ clothes were in a bundle outside. The host had replaced us."
90. The blacklight attack:
"Everything was fine during the actual sex, but afterwards he decided to finger my butt. I felt something wet on my thigh when he got up to pee and thought 'oh, shit!' And it was! I I turned on the lights, and there was shit everywhere! It was on me, him, the bed, even the bedroom door somehow. Needless to say, we stopped the ass play for a few months."
91. The bloody mess:
"It was the first orgy for my friends and me, so we kept the lights off. It was really hot, and I remember thinking how incredibly wet I was, but it wasn’t until afterward when we turned on the lights that I realized I started my period midway through and it went EVERYWHERE. It looked like a scene from a horror film. Not only were we all covered in my period blood, but it had soaked into the mattress and stained the sheets. I was so embarrassed that I put on my clothes in silence and left."
92. The forgotten tampon:
One night I accidentally had sex with a tampon in and then had to wait in the ER for nine hours to get it removed.
—Karen Smyth, Facebook
93. The sports enthusiast:
"My boyfriend and I were at my grandparents' house and went in the basement to 'play a game of pool.' When we started having sex, he decided it'd be a good idea to shove a pool ball up my butt. I was horrified and in so much pain. I had to go upstairs, walk by my grandmother while I had a pool ball in my butt, and poop it out. While I was on the toilet, I found out my boyfriend put a golf ball up there too."
—Marina Ruffles, Facebook
94. The sock sponge:
"When I was in high school, my boyfriend and I were hooking up in his car, and he suggested we do anal. I agreed, but felt nervous about it because I had no idea what it'd be like. So he put it in and my asshole was not down — I ended up shitting all over him. I immediately started crying while he was wiping his shit-covered dick off with my sock."
95. The burnin' booty:
"It was my first time ever trying anal sex with my boyfriend. We had a few drinks, and he finally convinced me to try it. He used some lube, but within two minutes, my ass was on FIRE — I had an allergic reaction to the lube he chose! It has forever scarred me from trying again."
96. The green nut:
"My girlfriend was meeting my parents for the first time. After a while, my parents left us alone and we started watching Shrek. One thing led to another, and she decided to go down on me while my parents were downstairs. It was all going fine until I heard my dad coming up the stairs. I threw a blanket over my lap, since I was naked from the waist down. He just checked up on us and then went left, so my girlfriend and I proceeded. I orgasmed at almost the exact moment 'I'm a Believer' started playing."
97. The broken penis:
"Things felt a little wetter than usual when my boyfriend and I were fooling around, but I assumed we were just extra horny. He looked down and asked if I was on my period. I wasn't, but when he pulled out there was blood EVERYWHERE. We noticed the blood was coming from his penis. We grabbed a towel and put pressure on it to stop the bleeding. It stopped, and we realized his frenulum had snapped, so we went to the hospital. While in the waiting room, I felt a rush of liquid come out of my vagina. Since we hadn't immediately stopped having sex, he basically filled me up with blood. I was, of course, wearing a white skirt. Whoops."
98. The hidden present:
"My boyfriend came home drunk and wanted anal. We had done it once before, but we were both sober and careful to go slow and use lube. This time he was so drunk, he poured lube ALL OVER my ass and shoved his dick right in! It hurt so bad I had to stop him after a minute or two. The next morning he went to the bathroom and found SHIT under his foreskin that had been there all night!"
99. The wild game-changer:
"I had a threesome in high school. The girl who wasn't part of the couple got pregnant...with twins."
100. And the... wow:
"I had been dating a guy for a while, and during the holidays last year he invited me to meet his (single) dad. Lo and behold, his dad was super hot, like a mixture of Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper, and David Beckham. Anyway, my boyfriend went out to the pub with some of his old college buddies, so it was just his dad and me at home, watching a movie. One thing led to another and the dad and I started hooking up. Around 1 a.m. my boyfriend WALKED IN ON US, and – no joke – he looked at us and said, 'really dad? Again?' Needless to say, I never went back to that town again."