Top 22 Funniest Sales Signs Of All-Time

Walmart may be one of the most successful companies in history but even they can screw up simple sales signs every now and then. Check out #9 on this list of 22 Funniest Sales Signs of All-Time for a great laugh!

1. Wash and Vacuum Senior Citizens

Either this business owner is offering a great wash-and-vacuum service for senior citizens, or he’s created the most awesome new business of the new millennia for the rest of us. We’ll let you decide. But at $15.95, we’re inclined to call this a “Win” either way. We’ll keep an eye out for email sales lists targeting this target market and get back to you.

2. Free One Night Stand

Yet another example of what can happen with a few unfortunate word placements and a lack of punctuation. We’re sure that if the furniture store that pulled this one had known, they would have made the deal clearer. You buy a bed, and we’ll give you a free nightstand. Don’t expect anything else…at least not without taking us to dinner first.

3. Ice Cold Cow Juice

For those of you who think the term “milk” is just too formal, enter “cow juice!” While this particular store isn’t asking us to throw a spinach party, they are asking us to reconsider the way we think about one of the most popular dairy products around. What do you think? Will “ice cold cow juice” catch on? If so, how will the “got milk” campaign survive?

4. Spinach Party

Well, this is one way to try and sell spinach. We’re not exactly sure how in touch with reality that the owners of this grocery store are, but I don’t exactly recall ever attending any spinach parties in college. Who knows, though? Maybe it’ll be the next big thing. Eat a can of spinach and take turns lifting cars and punching your friends in the face while smoking a pipe.

5. For Sale: Not Haunted

Seriously, Jake Palmer? Methinks the realtor doth protest too much. In all honesty, does Mr. Palmer have such a reputation for selling haunted houses that he actually has to distinguish that one of his properties is not a doorway to Hell? Beats us! But it does make for a rather inventive sales approach, don’t you think?

6. Farmer Clem

Farmer Clem doesn’t appear to give a damn about the marijuana laws in this country. While there is an off-chance he COULD be talking about actual pots-you know, the kind you put the plants in-the fact that he’s a farmer creates more than noticeable cause for doubt. Either way, 70% off is indeed a good deal on anything, so maybe we should check it out. Just in case.

7. Toys ‘R Us

The slightly brutal, though accidental, honesty from this Babies ‘R Us campaign makes it a sales sign to remember. The only mistake this sales sign actually makes, however, is in underestimating the true cost savings. Forgo child rearing, and you’ll save a heck of a lot more than $600. Nevertheless, point taken, Mr. Geoffrey the Giraffe.

8. Circuit City

Oh, Circuit City, how we miss you. For the life of us, we just can’t figure out what went wrong. Sure, you lost $150 million betting against DVD with your highly inconvenient DIVX format. And so what if your prices were routinely higher than Best Buy’s? And maybe you couldn’t do basic math on your clearance signs. Big deal! You’re still one of the best big box stores of all time.

9. Girls for Rent

This sign is more than a little creepy. The original poster could be anything from a landlord to a pimp. This is a great example folks of why it is important to listen in English class. Punctuation is your friend. Even so, if it is a landlord thing, why’s he/she so hung up on considering only girls? I think if I were a lady considering this, I’d have an independent team come in and check the premises for primitive gods before signing the lease.

10. Family Jewels

Sometimes the name of a business is all a GREAT sales sign needs. Although we aren’t sure if this particular sign brought in the customers, we do know that it’s pretty memorable, and a lot more socially acceptable than displaying “genitals” in the storefront window. This business gets a pass for clarifying its wares with a nice window display.

11. 0% Off Sale

We are going to take an educated guess here and say this sign is probably NOT for a going-out-of-business sale. We’re not sure if the store was shooting for irony here, as if to say, “Good luck finding something that’s NOT on sale. Very few items!,” but we’re confident the message probably didn’t land with most shoppers. After all, the parking lot’s not exactly packed, is it?

12. A State Sale

We’ll give the original poster of this sign one thing: he certainly didn’t misspell anything. The only problem: we’re pretty certain he meant “estate sale,” unless, of course, he’s miraculously received permission to sell the state of California and the most innovative way he could think to do it was by magic marker and telephone pole. You decide!

13. B&B Liquors

“Drink responsibly” is a motto that the folks at B&B Liquors don’t seem to agree with. Billing itself as a “Party Store,” however, you really can’t be surprised by the motto. While the liver transplant crowd won’t find this one too funny, and with good reason, the rest of us have permission to laugh.

14. Nice Sale Walmart!

The image quality could be a little better on this one, but what do you expect from a Walmart shopper’s phone? We think you get the point, though. While Walmart has done a lot of things right with their business model over the years, they seem to have dropped the marketing campaign ball on this one. We don’t know exactly what was being sold here, but we’re fairly confident this was the wrong way to go.

15. Yard Sale “Divorce”

The Yard Sale “Divorce” is one that has been used often, (including in a recent Will Ferrell movie) but it’s still a funny way to go about unloading one’s junk. This is one of the better interpretations we’ve personally seen. Nice, clean, readable font; street address prominently displayed; and an arrow pointing the way. A real sense of urgency here and this person’s likely going to need it.

16. Because My Neighbor’s an A**hole

It probably would have been a good idea to use a realtor on this one. Considering the person is still trying to sell their home, calling his neighbor a derogatory name might not be the best way to go about it diplomatically…at least when the goal is to attract a buyer. And if the neighbor is as bad as the sign states, who’s going to want to live here anyway!?

17. Rubber Fist

If you want to find the funniest sales signs of all-time, then the best place to start is your local telephone pole. This was found in a local neighborhood where anyone can post pretty much anything. Amid the advertisements for babysitters and used printers, we found this one pimping a rubber fist (“slightly used”). What you won’t see here is a picture of the rubber fist itself, but do you really need too? The sign tells you everything you need to know. Now, which of you would like to start the bidding?

18. Sale on All Body Parts

This particular sales sign is as horrifying as it is funny. The advertised sale is likely for auto body parts, but the dirty sign and horror-movie red ink make one think that maybe Jason Voorhees is having a garage sale. Considering Jason’s creators did put him in outer space for one movie, I think we may have just written the next sequel. We’ll have our people call your people.

19. Morgan for Sale

We’ll give the sign poster the benefit of the doubt on this one, we’re pretty certain he meant the classic car and not his obnoxious child. But who can know for sure? A walkthrough of the public school in your town may convince you otherwise. If ever there was an argument to spend MORE on public education, this is it. Our option to target worst spellers above is looking like a better and better business opportunity.

20. Turdles for Sale

Handmade sales signs make for some of the funniest, especially when the person making them has no concept of spelling. This Internet meme is one of the most famous. We’re assuming the sale is for turtles (at least, God, we hope so) but you never know, especially with that specimen posing next to the sign. On second thought, it may be safer not to find out for sure. Maybe US Data Corporation can start a worst speller’s mailing list category and start targeting them to local grammar schools? It couldn’t hurt.

21. Joe’s Crab Shack

The “Free Crab Tomorrow” campaign from Joe’s Crab Shack is a decades-old classic. Through this one catchy T-Shirt worthy slogan that is generally found painted on the exterior of the restaurants themselves, the folks at Joe’s have been able to thrive in up-and-down economies thanks to ambiance and a playful spirit that captures the imagination of tourists everywhere. Now at more than 182,000 likes on Facebook and a network of restaurants from coast-to-coast, the chain is one of the most successful seafood restaurants of all time in addition to being one of the funniest.

22. The Shell Apology

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Okay, we’re not exactly sure which Shell gas station owner had the idea for this-details are sketchy around the web-but it certainly speaks to the heart of what most Americans are feeling, and manages to ingratiate the business that is actually charging the hefty tag. The self-deprecating nature works because it redirects our anger to another source. By distancing itself from the root of high prices, this particular station manages a few chuckles out of us even as we wonder how we’re going to make rent while spending half our income on fuel.