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42 Lancashire Sentences That Will Confuse The Fuck Out Of Everyone Else

"Fancy a sneck lifter?" – I'm about to give you an alcoholic drink so strong it could strip paint.

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1. "You won't feel th'benefit." – I'm going to make you take your coat off even though I can see you don't want to stay.

2. "I'm goin' out round town." – I'll be at one of the two pubs I always go to.

3. "What's up, owt or nowt?" – I really hope there's some gossip.

4. "Where's ti bin?" – Where have you been?

5. "Fancy a sneck lifter?" – I'm about to give you an alcoholic drink so strong that it could strip paint.

6. "I saw him on Broadway" – I saw him on Accrington high street.

7. "Shut yer pie-hole." – Stop talking.

8. "Shut yer cake-hole." – No, seriously, shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you.

9. "Look at 'em, swan-necking." – Tsk. Look at them, being all nosey. I wonder what's going on?

10. "Let's 'ave a sken." – Let me look so I can be nosey too.

11. "That's different..." – I don't like it.

12. "She's a bit of alreyt." – She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

13. "Gi' o'er." – Please stop pissing about.

14. "It were reet nice." – It was probably the best thing I've ever seen, but I don't want you to think I'm boasting.

15. "Me stomach thinks me throat's bin cut." – I haven't had anything to eat for at least an hour.

16. "I could eat the hind leg off a donkey." – I haven't had anything to eat for at least 90 minutes. I hope someone has a spare Eccles cake.

17. "I just bought bits and bats." – I bought loads of things that I don't have any intention of telling you about.

18. "Let t'dog see t'rabbit." – Let's see what we're looking at.

19. "Get out t'road." – Get out of the way, you're doing it wrong as per usual.

20. "It were a right cattle market." – Everyone was out on the pull.

21. "Did you trap?" – Did you snog someone's face off in public?

22. "Speyk proper!" – Speak properly, i.e. in your best Lancastrian lingo.

23. "I'll sithee there." – I'm not going to offer you a lift, soz.

24. "And he's aget." – And he was saying.

25. "It's alreet, in't it?" – This is possibly the most incredible thing I've ever witnessed.

26. "Stop mithering me." – I'm not going to do the thing you want me to do, so stop annoying me.

27. "Owd-on-a-bit." – Wait a minute.

28. "'Ave y'ad a wesh?" – You clearly haven't had a wash, as you look like you're growing potatoes behind your ears.

29. "'Ave ye 'eard yersen?" – You are chatting utter shit.

30. "Will 'e 'eckers like!" – There's no way he'll do that.

31. "Well, I'll go to t'foot of our stairs." – Oh, he did actually do it. I'm very surprised.

32. "Put th'wood in th'ole." – Close the door, were you born in a bloody barn?

33. "Ooh, t'cows are lying down again." – It's always raining in Lancashire, the cows know absolutely nothing.

34. "Whacking skoo'." – Playing truant from school, usually on the one day of the year it's actually sunny.

35. "It were fine." – It was the worst day imaginable, but nobody died, so there's that.

36. "Fancy a chip butty?" – Fancy carbs with a side of carbs?

37. "You're looking well." – You've put on weight and I want you to know I've noticed.

38. "Eeh, well." – I have absolutely no idea what to say to that, so I'll just make this noise instead.

39. "Brew?" – Would you like me to provide you with the nectar of the gods?

40. "I'm gagging." – I haven't had a cup of tea in over 10 minutes.

41. "I'm spittin' feathers." – I haven't had a cup of tea in over 15 minutes and I'm afraid I might die.

42. "I'm gaspin'." – I haven't had a cup of tea in over 20 minutes and now I am dead.