Life After Highschool: It Gets Fucking Better
It is summer again, it's warm again and tonight at the dinner table my sister mentioned that Year Twelve graduation was coming up at her high school. She then proceeded to note that I, myself had graduated from high school only last September.
She said, “it feels like you left two years ago.” I was in a bad mood mulling over my macaroni and wanting to down a bottle of vodka while running through the night screaming about my university group assignment due tomorrow.
So it didn’t fully register until now, which for time and place reference is like eight forty-seven, in my ‘pretend’ organized bedroom.
Picture that kid that stuffs everything under the bed, so they look like a tidy angel. Me.
Now picture a cartoon style light bulb appearing above that lady-kids head while drinking my their hundredth cup of night coffee and a ‘profound’ epiphany occurring. Also Me.
Anyway, my epiphany as elicited through my sister’s statement is the following: I didn’t leave high School that long ago. This is mildly profound because, if I met my high school self in a room or on the side walk, or in central tunnel, I don’t think I’d recognize her or connect with her all that well.
To me, this is a healthy realization. I don’t hate who I was, and I will never regret any moments in my life that I can or have used to grow.
Moments have made me who I am.
But I have changed.
I needed help, and I got it.
If you need help, please get it.
YOU DO DESERVE IT; PEOPLE ARE HERE.
You are worthy.
A year after the hospital, addiction and hell, I like waking up in the morning most of the time. I go out and do nice things that intellectually stimulate me and make ME happy. I don’t smoke and burn holes in my favorite jacket. I don’t date people who make me feel like nothing or like shit (no one deserves this you are not loved if they make you feel small, seriously.)
But mostly, my biggest change from last year is that:
I don’t worry that there isn't a future for me in this world because there is and it's beautiful.
I have a job I LOVE, helping people living with mental illnesses and disabilities with their everyday lives. I’m studying a degree I never imagined even doing focused on digital media and, I also volunteer to help kids in high school to let them know that they are valid and deserving of love and respect despite grades, teachers, family stress or other people.
I’m writing this for two reasons; the first is to tell you that there is nothing remarkable about me and I have fundamentally turned my life around. You can too, my second reason is to tell you guys something you’ve already heard. I know it sounds like the biggest fucking lie. I know it sounds generic and cliché but
‘It Get’s Better.’