An Analysis Into Every Single Suspicious Glance In The Final 5 Minutes Of Game Of Thrones’ Purple Wedding

Hello. If you’ve clicked this, you have shown no mercy. Joffrey is DEAD. Sorry spoiler. For those who haven’t read the books - we now have the joy of our first proper murder mystery. (As let’s face it, none of the other deaths have exactly been subtle) As such, we should only celebrate with an intense look at the last final 5 minutes and speculate whodunnit. So many suspicious glances…

1. So far, The Lion and the Rose had been a productive episode for King Joffrey

2. With plenty of classic Joffrey japes

3. And just as we sat, festering, asking ourselves how we could deal with another second of hating him…

4. His emotional tormenting of Tyrion makes the King a trifle thirsty…

5. And one achey-breaky-heart dance routine later

6. He does a dead.

7. Oh god it still feels so good.

8. So, who exactly poisoned the cup? To find out, let’s remind ourselves of that wonderful moment once again.

9. First up, is the accusee Tyrion, whom had the trembling finger of King Arsehead point at him in his final bastard moments.

10. This was moments after being christened the lowly title of ‘cup bearer’ for Joffrey, much to his amusement


11. It all adds up: with Joffrey & Tyrion never quite seeing eye to eye…

“We’ve had vicious kings and we’ve had idiot kings, but l don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king.”

12. However, anyone can pick up a flagon of wine that someone else poisoned. And the wine originally came from here.

13. So Charles Dance has quite a naturally untrustworthy facial structure - but this is a particularly murderous glance we’re sure we all agree.

Tywin also had a lot of incentive for killing his odious grandson, with the Lannisters finally in control of the Iron Throne: just the worst one of the bunch sitting on it. He does look like he is enjoying that cake quite a lot in Joffrey’s final moments… Cake of victory?!

14. Then look at Margaery…

Married to a king! YAY! But also married to an oleaginous boy scout. Oh. After playing the Princess Diana card through the entire of the courting, we wouldn’t be surprised if Margaery and her nan concocted a little early wedding gift.

15. And what’s the best way to distract everyone from the fact they’ve just poisoned the king?

A giant big-ass cake full of lots of doves, of course. And who paid for that cake, exactly?

16. Lady Olenna. And here’s what she looked like as Joffrey grasped the cup.

“Oh, what cup of death?”

17. Then look at the shared exchange between Tyrion and long-suffering Sansa when he delivers the fatal vino.

SUCH SUSPICION. Could three series worth of crying and looking out of windows finally tipped the recently bereaved Stark over the edge?

18. And what about THIS GUY?

The Fool (who has been under Joffrey’s constant ridicule) conveniently crops up at the right moment to whisk not-so-comic Sans away from the action…

19. And let’s not rule out…

Littlefinger, who was absent for the wedding - but has been after the hand of Sansa for quite some time. Maybe this was an operation done from the outside?

20. Mr Sex

We know Mr. Sex (Oberyn Martell) has bad blood with the Lannisters. And he’s only just arrived… In the final moments of Joffrey’s death, he was nowhere to be seen. Was he busy being sexy, or busy poisoning wine of vengeance?

21. Sigur Rós?!

Our favourite Icelandic post-rockers and BBC1 ident musicians turned up to celebrate Joffrey’s nuptials too, before being pelted off stage by him. Sigur Ros have been making lovely atmospheric music for years now. Perhaps this has all been a dirty ruse.

22. Whoever it was, we salute you, king-slayer!

Now let’s all go and read the books and just find out who it was anyway.

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