2. A hilarious sign outside for people to Instagram.
Lure them in with a light-hearted chalkboard.
4. Tables that were never meant to be tables.
Old barrels are good because they have no legroom and force the diner to sit sideways or attempt to straddle the thing.
6. Old-fashioned light bulbs.
Those ones we stopped using at least 50 years ago because they’re so dim you have to get your phone torch out to read the menu.
12. A black-tiled bathroom.
The bathroom needs to make customers feel like they are at a Berlin sex club, and not attempting to have a nice dinner with their work colleagues.
15. Some sort of deconstructed version of a dessert.
“We couldn’t be bothered to properly put this cheesecake together. Here’s some Philadephia and some strawberries, now go away and be grateful for what you have.”
21. Condiments that have been transported from the container they came in to a more whimsical one.
Ketchup in an espresso cup anyone?
23. Overly loud music that in no way fits with the theme of the restaurant.
If your restaurant serves Mexican food in a pseudo-Victorian setting it’s good to play Icelandic house music, at a volume that means customers have to repeat their order at least three times.