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24 Things You'll Find In Every Hipster Restaurant

Because it’s not a cool restaurant without exposed brickwork.

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1. A name that doesn't give any clues about the type of food they actually serve.

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Either made up of two people's names like "Barnaby and George" or a single word selected at random from a dictionary.


4. Tables that were never meant to be tables.

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Old barrels are good because they have no legroom and force the diner to sit sideways or attempt to straddle the thing.

6. Old-fashioned light bulbs.

Instagram: @sarasuyin

Those ones we stopped using at least 50 years ago because they're so dim you have to get your phone torch out to read the menu.


8. Bare floorboards.

Barn Images / Via Flickr: barnimages

A restaurant needs to appear to have sprung up organically in an old builders yard, rather than carefully curated by a group of mustachioed interior designers.

9. Random framed photos of Edwardian people.

James Morley / Via Flickr: whatsthatpicture

Nobody will ever ask the waiters who they are because they'll be too scared of looking like an idiot for not knowing who Albert Einstein is.

12. A black-tiled bathroom.

Instagram: @dynamicstiling

The bathroom needs to make customers feel like they are at a Berlin sex club, and not attempting to have a nice dinner with their work colleagues.


15. Some sort of deconstructed version of a dessert.

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"We couldn't be bothered to properly put this cheesecake together. Here's some Philadephia and some strawberries, now go away and be grateful for what you have."

16. Locally made versions of normal soft drinks, that most people will be afraid to say they dislike.

Karma Cola / Via

"Oh yes this homemade Cola is just as good as normal Coke and in no way reminds me of fragrant oven cleaner."


18. “Twists” on classic cocktails, but with sillier names.

@241Bermondsey / Via Twitter: @214Bermondsey

It's not a proper edgy restaurant unless half the cocktail menu makes you cringe with embarrassment when you have to say it out loud.

22. Wine served in something that clearly wasn't designed for serving wine.

@syckes / Via Twitter: @syckes

A pint glass, an old tin can, a test tube? Whatever you want really as long as it isn't a wine glass.

23. Overly loud music that in no way fits with the theme of the restaurant.

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If your restaurant serves Mexican food in a pseudo-Victorian setting it's good to play Icelandic house music, at a volume that means customers have to repeat their order at least three times.


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