1. A name that doesn't give any clues about the type of food they actually serve.
2. A hilarious sign outside for people to Instagram.
3. Exposed red brickwork.
4. Tables that were never meant to be tables.
5. Uncomfortable chairs.
6. Old-fashioned light bulbs.
7. Exposed air-conditioning ducts.
8. Bare floorboards.
9. Random framed photos of Edwardian people.
10. Menus printed on "distressed" paper, and then stuck to a clipboard.
11. The word "artisan" just thrown in at random throughout the menu.
12. A black-tiled bathroom.
13. Weird steampunk sinks and hand-dryers in the toilets.
"I like this Dyson Airblade, but it needs to look more like a prop from Mad Max."
14. Really fucking expensive versions of food you ate as a child.
15. Some sort of deconstructed version of a dessert.
16. Locally made versions of normal soft drinks, that most people will be afraid to say they dislike.
17. Along with exactly one craft ale that you have never heard of.
18. “Twists” on classic cocktails, but with sillier names.
19. “Small plates”.
20. Food served only on slates or breadboards.
Even though these are impractical for everything apart from sandwiches.