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22 Signs You're Middle-Aged Before Your Time

IT'S TOO DAMN LOUD IN THIS BAR.

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1. Your idea of hell is going to a club.

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It's just too damn loud.

2. Because you’d much rather go to a cosy quiet pub.

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Maybe do a pub quiz. Have some crisps. Lovely.

3. Your dream Friday night probably involves staying in on your sofa watching boxsets with some snacks.

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Ideally under a slanket.

4. So when your friends text to ask if you want to go out you don’t even bother to make elaborate excuses.

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"Sorry I can't come out to that bar, I've got five episodes of How to Get Away with Murder to finish."

5. Because you’d just rather have a cup of tea than drink shots.

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Probably out of your special mug.

6. And if you are going to drink it has got to be some nice wine.

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Because you know cheap booze is just going to give you a worse hangover.

7. But you don't like to get hungover anyway because you see the day as wasted if you don’t do something productive before 9am.

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8. Because you actually enjoy getting up early on the weekends.

9. And you’re slightly obsessed with farmers' markets.

SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL PRODUCE. And you need to get there super early to get all the best stuff.
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SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL PRODUCE. And you need to get there super early to get all the best stuff.

10. You have a genuine passion for brunch.

But it's more like second breakfast because you got up early.
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But it's more like second breakfast because you got up early.

11. You've got a signature dish that you cook.

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12. And you genuinely enjoy hosting dinner parties.

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13. Your favourite kind of programmes are ones about gardening and houses.

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14. And you've been known to get intense house envy from TV shows and films.

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"Ooh lovely wallpaper"

"That is not what you're meant to focus on in Mad Men".

15. You’ve gone on Pinterest to look up decorating ideas for your house.

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16. And you're really passionate about candles.

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17. But you’re not happy unless you know your house is clean.

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What if someone comes round and there aren't clean hand towels in the bathroom?

18. And you actually vacuum.

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Regularly.

19. You get excited to receive practical Christmas presents.

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YESSS NEW SOCKS.

20. You hate to go out without your coat.

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WHAT IF IT SUDDENLY GETS COLD?

21. And you buy clothes based on how “sensible” they are.

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22. But mostly you just get really bloody excited about going to bed at 10pm.

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