back to top

22 Questions Not To Ask Your Queer Relatives This Christmas

I don’t know, random cousin, how do YOU have sex?

Posted on

1. “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Fox / Via teenbeachmovie.wikia.com

Fine to ask if you're close and regularly talk about this sort of thing, not fine if you're not.

If we DO have one, we'll tell you. Or maybe we won't.

2. “Oh you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, that’s nice, so which one of you is the girl/guy?”

Erm. Well neither, that's kind of how it works.
Lionsgate / Via queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com

Erm. Well neither, that's kind of how it works.

3. “But how do you have sex?”

Well how do you have sex, random cousin? See, it's not polite to ask that. And you know, you could just google it.
Walt Disney Pictures / Via tumblr.com

Well how do you have sex, random cousin? See, it's not polite to ask that. And you know, you could just google it.

4. “But you always seemed so girlie/masculine?”

ABC / Via fanforum.com

So what? Sexuality spans all kinds of people.

5. “I thought you were bi, but you’re dating someone of the same sex, so are you gay now?”

That's. Not. How. It. Works.
Paramount Pictures / Via lemon-skin.tumblr.com

That's. Not. How. It. Works.

6. “Why do you all dress the same?”

Instagram: @nightwolfen

Why do all straight people only buy jeans from Gap? They don't. See how strange that sounds the other way round?

7. “Why do all gay men talk like this?” *does offensive lispy voice*

CBS / Via tumblr.com

They absolutely don't.

8. “You’re gay, right, so are you into this chemsex thing?”

Are YOU into chemsex?
The CW / Via tumblr.com

Are YOU into chemsex?

9. “Why do all lesbians have short hair?”

I don't have short hair do I?
Fox / Via tumblr.com

I don't have short hair do I?

10. “Why are you attracted to girls that look like boys? Why not just go out with a guy?”

Because androgyny is hot.
Fox / Via Twitter: @cbreezybby_

Because androgyny is hot.

11. “Oh did you hear *insert name of distant family friend* came out too? You guys should meet up.”

Logo / Via carry-on98.tumblr.com

No. Although I might stalk them on Facebook…

12. “My godson/goddaughter is also gay/bi etc. do you want their number?”

No thank you please don't try and set me up unless I ask you to.
Paramount Pictures / Via reactiongifs.us

No thank you please don't try and set me up unless I ask you to.

13. “So how do you know if someone is gay/lesbian/bi/queer/trans?”

Via tumblr.com

You don't. I mean, you can ask them when you're friends, but it's definitely not polite as an opening question.

14. "Why isn’t it ok for me to call people *insert word* if you can say it?”

Logo / Via giphy.com

~Because~ they're reclaimed words.

15. “Is it true that all lesbians are vegetarians?”

Is it true that all straight women eat meat?
ABC / Via tumblr.com

Is it true that all straight women eat meat?

16. “Is *insert name of random celebrity* gay?”

Fox / Via glee.wikia.com

Maybe, maybe not. We're not in a secret club where we automatically get told who all the queer celebrities are, sadly.

17. *While watching Christmas TV* “Ooh are they your type?”

Spike / Via giphy.com

This is just awkward for everyone involved please stop.

18. “Now that equal marriage is legal are you going to get married?”

Fox Searchlight Pictures / Via giphy.com

Sure if I find the right person. But like, no more so than a straight person.

19. “So grandchildren are off the cards then?”

Not necessarily, but that's not really a polite question.
BBC / Via i.imgur.com

Not necessarily, but that's not really a polite question.

20. “But how would you have kids? Would you adopt?”

Let me ask you a bunch of really detailed questions about how you conceived your kids. No tell me. All the details, please.
Walt Disney Pictures / Via tumblr.com

Let me ask you a bunch of really detailed questions about how you conceived your kids. No tell me. All the details, please.

21. “Don't you think a child should have a mum and a dad?”

Netflix / Via giphy.com

Nope. Look at all the divorced straight parents out there.

22. "Do you want some more dessert?"

CBS / Via reddit.com

Don't worry, it's always ok to ask this.