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24 Absolutely Horrendous Vintage Recipes

Mmmm, so much meaty gelatine.

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1. "Salad".

Yep, looks like a salad to me.
LVeg / Via imgur.com

Yep, looks like a salad to me.

2. A nice dinner, trapped forever in a gelatinous prison.

A simple supper that takes over four hours to make.
thejustifiedsinner / Via Flickr: the_justified_sinner

A simple supper that takes over four hours to make.

3. Meringue farm animals drowning in a yellow gelatine sea.

"Please help us, mother."
the justified sinner / Via Flickr: the_justified_sinner

"Please help us, mother."

4. Vegetable quiche in aspic.

:(
the justified sinner / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: the_justified_sinner

:(

5. Slices of processed cheese carefully layered on top of canned beef stew.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

6. Fizzy 7-Up milk.

"Mix chilled 7-Up and cold milk in equal parts."
orbitn / Via imgur.com

"Mix chilled 7-Up and cold milk in equal parts."

I actually tried to make this in the office kitchen. It curdled.

Sophie Gadd / BuzzFeed
Sophie Gadd / BuzzFeed

7. Sad meaty fruit.

Why would you do this?
danielweiresq / Via Flickr: 15134271@N03

Why would you do this?

8. Flaming sausage lettuce crown with a side of wet macaroni.

Let's take a moment to look at this. Ignore the Old Fashioned, we don't care about that. In the background, that appears to be a lettuce on fire with sausages on sticks stuck in it, with a side dish of very lumpy looking macaroni cheese. Lovely.
Elizabeth / Via Flickr: runder

Let's take a moment to look at this. Ignore the Old Fashioned, we don't care about that. In the background, that appears to be a lettuce on fire with sausages on sticks stuck in it, with a side dish of very lumpy looking macaroni cheese. Lovely.

9. A large jelly salmon.

Three hundred timely fish recipes! Three hundred!
Ann Larie Valentine / Via Flickr: sanfranannie

Three hundred timely fish recipes! Three hundred!

10. Stew frozen in time forever.

Why have separate foods on your plate when you can spend hours creating a lovely wobbly stew loaf?
frauhoad / Via imgur.com

Why have separate foods on your plate when you can spend hours creating a lovely wobbly stew loaf?

11. This horror.

Prawns do not deserve this death.
danielweiresq / Via Flickr: 15134271@N03

Prawns do not deserve this death.

12. Sexy-looking banana candles.

13. Tooth-dissolving prune and marshmallows served over ice cream with melted marshmallow sauce.

Imagine getting this at a dinner party.
thejustifiedsinner / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: the_justified_sinner

Imagine getting this at a dinner party.

14. Ham in aspic, surrounded by a moat of a mystery gelatinous substance.

Mmmm, gravy jelly.
the justified sinner / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: the_justified_sinner

Mmmm, gravy jelly.

15. A really chill log.

Weight Watchers Recipe Cards / Via weightwatchers1974.tumblr.com

16. Jellified beetroot and pineapple salad.

Weight Watchers Recipe Cards / Via weightwatchers1974.tumblr.com

17. Dead shrimp diving into a pool of rice and mystery fish.

Apologies to Spain for this bastardisation of paella.
the justified sinner / Via Flickr: the_justified_sinner

Apologies to Spain for this bastardisation of paella.

18. Cheese fudge.

Fudge. Made out of cheese. I am done.
@picturebrina / Via Twitter: @picturebrina

Fudge. Made out of cheese. I am done.

19. A really suspicious-looking piece of stuffed fish.

Nothing funny to see here.
@RobinPartridge / Via Twitter: @RobinPartridge

Nothing funny to see here.

20. Jellied tomato.

Ahh, nothing like a nice glass of tomato-flavoured jelly after a long day at work.
Weight Watchers / Via weightwatchers1974.tumblr.com

Ahh, nothing like a nice glass of tomato-flavoured jelly after a long day at work.

21. This horrific space cake.

How to make sure nobody turns up to your kid's next birthday party.
Twitter: @GiddyKipperUK

How to make sure nobody turns up to your kid's next birthday party.

22. Spam and banana fritters.

People in the past did not deserve bananas.
Hormel / Via vintageadbrowser.com

People in the past did not deserve bananas.

23. Another fruity meat surprise.

WITH FRUIT.
heatherleebea / Via instagram.com

WITH FRUIT.

24. And this, a crown of roast frankfurters.

Truly fit for a queen.
Weight Watchers Recipe Cards / Via weightwatchers1974.tumblr.com

Truly fit for a queen.

H/T the justified sinner and The Weight Watchers Recipes of 1974 for some of the horrible recipes.